


Larry Stylinson One Shots

by 96NOTFOUND



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boyfriends, BoyxBoy, Depression, Drug Use, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Graphic Depictions of Illness, I cant think of anymore tags, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Louis and Harry - Freeform, M/M, References to Depression, Shameless Smut, Smut, Suicide, Suicide Notes, be cautious reading
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 50,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28820790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/96NOTFOUND/pseuds/96NOTFOUND
Summary: A collection of one shots I've written, Originally posted on Wattpad by me (Wattpad: 94NOTFOUND)
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. Adore you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, friendly reminder to never bring up these one shots to the boys or anyone associated with them. Please do not steal/copy my work, and ask me if you'd like to reference or expand on one of my oneshots! Read with Caution and TPWK [: Lots of Love, Alex

Harry's fingers danced along Louis' as the two are sat cuddled on the couch, a movie playing in front of them, but neither of them are paying much attention to it.   
"Hey Lou...we've been dating for a while now, and I was just wondering...if you remember the time in grade 4, when our school was having their first ever dance. You were so sad because nobody wanted to go with you...I didn't even know you then, but I knew I hated the frown on your face. So I came up to you, and I told you I was taking you myself" Harry laughs lightly

Louis blushes a little bit and slaps Harry with the back of his hand. "Oh god, don't remind me"

Harry smiles fondly at his boyfriend, clearing his throat "grade 6, we went to the carnival together, and everyone was making fun of us because we were holding hands the entire time"

Louis nods his head and then rests it on Harry's chest. "That was the night I came out to you...and you didn't mind a bit. Though I would later come to find out it was because you were gay too, well gay for me" Louis teases and Harry shakes his head, pinching Louis's hip

"Grade 7 and 8, you decided you didn't want to be friends with me anymore. And I was devastated. I didn't know what I had done wrong, and you always avoided me so I wouldn't be able to ask you...but I always made sure you were okay. Whether it be flowers, candy, or notes in your locker, I made sure you knew I was always thinking about you"

Louis blushes more and bites his bottom lip "I knew it was you..."

"Of course it was me, you think I would have let some random person try to take you from me?"

Louis laughs and presses a soft kiss to Harry's chest

"Grade 9...you crawled into my window at 3 in the morning one night, sobbing so hard you couldn't breathe, you kept telling me how sorry you were and how much you missed me, and you crawled in my bed and I said nothing because I loved you. Love you"

Louis' heart hurts at the memory.

"Grade 10, we went to the school formal together and had our first kiss. And I knew it then that I was in love with you. And when you told me you were mine, I almost lost it." Harry laughs, tearing up at all of the memories himself   
"Grade 11 and 12 were a blur It seemed like we couldn't get enough of eachoter...then we graduated, and separated again for college" Harry whispers   
"And we still are, we're separated and I hate it louis..."

Louis sits up and looks at Harry, frowning a little bit "you know I love you...don't you?"

Harry nods his head "I know...which is why I want you to marry Me"

Louis is stunned, he gulps and looks at Harry's face, taking in his features, noticing he's not kidding

"R-Really? You want to...marry me?"

Harry gives Louis this little half smile and nods his head

"Please marry me Louis"

Louis blushes, and he tries to fight off the smile that wants to come up, but he can't, he smiles wide and starts to cry.

"Shit, Louis why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?"

Louis slaps Harry's chest and laughs through his tears "Do you think I'd be smiling if you did something wrong you dipshit?"

Harry laughs himself and shakes his head, leaning his forehead against Louis'

"Please Lou...say yes"

Louis presses his lips to Harry's softly, pulling back and nodding his head "of course I'll marry you"


	2. Happy New Year

Louis walks around his flat with a glass of champagne in his hands, talking and laughing with people as he walks by, smiling at the gathering that he and his husband had created

It had been a while since he'd seen his friends and family, so Harry suggesting this was great

"Hey beautiful, what are you doing in here?" Harry asks, shutting the door behind him, the noise being blocked out only subtly

He places his champagne on the desk they have on the side of their room, smiling when Louis turns around to face him, a huge smile set on his face m

"Just needed a bit of quiet, away from the beautiful madness we have out there" Louis sets his own glass down and walks forward, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck.

"I understand, I love them, but they get loud when we allow them one drink" Harry laughs, referring to his sisters and brother

Louis rests his head on his husbands chest, humming softly at the sound of "Sofia" playing on the speakers in the living room

"Hey, only a few more minutes until the new year, the new decade. How are you feeling?"

Louis gives a small laugh and pulls back, looking at Harry with nothing but complete adoration on his face. "I spent half of the decade married to you. I'm ready to start the new one with you as well" he says softly

Harry's heart lurches and he can't help but to lean down and press a kiss to Louis's lips

"One last one for this year"

Louis pouts and Harry pinches his thigh "hey, lets see..." Harry looks over to their clock and smiles "that's only 15 more minutes, I think you can survive hm?"

Louis sighs dramatically and nods "I suppose so, but we better get back out there so we can hang out with our family before they all leave"

"You just need a distraction"

"Shut up Harry" Louis laughs, picking up his champagne glass and emptying it

"Let's go"

•••

14 minutes pass, nothing interesting happens, and Lottie yells at everyone to shut up when the countdown begins

"Okay everyone! Get with your partner!" She looks at her two brothers with complete admiration

"10"

Harry looks over to Louis "I love you"

"9"

"It will always be you"

"8"

"I can't wait to have children with you"

"7"

"You're the reason I wake up in the morning"

"6"

"Without you, I'd be lost"

"5"

"I hope I make you as happy as you make me"

"4"

"tu es mon étoile brillante"

"3"

"Im yours forever"

"2"

"As long as you're mine"

"1"

"I know there's nothing that could stop us"

"Happy New Year!"

Harry wraps his arms around Louis's waist and presses a kiss to his lips

And Louis is completely lost in it. He hears the cheers around slowly begin to fade away, as do the walls, and the floor

He and Harry are the only ones in space, and time

And when they pull back, he swears he can see forever inside of Harry's shining eyes


	3. Why Do You Like Me?

Louis was feeling rather sad today.

He was moping around the house, walking in his sweatpants and one of Harry's shirts, sock-clad feet dragging against the wood of their floors, his face stuffed with food

Harry honestly found it quite amusing, already assuming the reason of Louis's sadness was nothing he really needed to be sad about.

However, when he saw Louis crying on the bed later that night, his heart gave a painful lurch and he sat down on the bed

"Louis, Baby, What's wrong?"

Louis wipes his cheeks and huffs lightly, looking up at Harry with his adorable wide blue eyes, and a small pout set on his lips

"I don't feel very pretty today Harry, Why do you even like me?"

Harry smiles softly and shakes his head, laying down next to Louis, pulling the smaller of the two into his arms "Silly Baby, you always ask the stupidest questions" he says in a mock baby voice

Louis whines and forces his way out of Harry's arms. "I didn't ask you to be rude to me."

Harry laughs and puts his arm over his eyes, "Louis, that's a dumb question, I told you why I like you, when I first asked you out in grade 9"

Louis sighs softly and places his hands on his stomach, wiping his eyes. "I dunno Haz. I just..I don't know why I'm feeling like this"

Harry lays on his side, and watches the way Louis seems to shrink in on himself.

Harry gets up off of the bed and presses a kiss to Louis's head "I'll go make dinner baby, rest up okay?"

Louis nods his head and pulls the blankets over his body, closing his eyes

Harry walks out of the rom and smiles to himself, rubbing his hands together, a plan formulating in his head

🍬

"Louis? Baby wake up" Harry says softly, rubbing his small boyfriends arm, watching as Louis peeks one eye open and then sighs softly, closing it back and stretching in bed like a kitten.

"C'mon, I got a little surprise for you" harry smiles, running his thumb across Louis's knuckles

Louis smiles a bit and nods his head, looking over at the clock "it's nearly 9 pm, what kind of dinner takes over three hours" Louis teases, getting out of bed, following Harry down the hallway

"Our dinner" is Harry's simple reply

Louis is about to say something back when the enter the dining room, but he's rendered speechless at the sight in front of him.

"Harry..." Louis whispers, walking toward the table, noticing the petals spelling out 'I ❤️ u' on the floor, making him tear up and then giggle a bit "this is beautiful harry"

Harry smiles and wraps his arms around Louis's waist from behind and rests his chin on his boys shoulder

"I don't like you. I love you. And you never need to doubt that, or out yourself down, because I have loved you since we were eighteen, and I'm never going to stop loving you"

Louis turns around in Harry's arms and presses a kiss to his lips, he couldn't help it.

Harry kisses Louis back for a moment before pulling away "I love you Harry"

Harry smiles. "I love you more. Now, I'm starving, let's eat"

🍬

They finish eating and Harry clears his throat before getting up and walking over to Louis, who is still sat in his chair

"There was only one way I could think of, that would let you know I would never leave you. That I'll love you till the day we die, and even beyond" Harry smiles, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a small box

Louis gasps quietly, his heart beginning to race

Harry smiles, getting down on one knee "I've actually been wanting to do this for a long time now, knew that is was always going to be you...from the moment I layed eyes on you I knew." Harry says, opening up the small box, revealing a beautiful diamond ring

"I know we're young. But I know I wanna be with you forever...so will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?"

Louis is crying, but he's smiling, and he slowly nods his head "of course! Yes yes yes!"

Harry smiles and slips the ring onto Louis's finger, wrapping his arms around the small boy, pressing his lips to Louis's

"Always you" Louis whispered

"For infinity"


	4. Like You Need It (smut)

Louis is obsessed with sex

Okay, well he was more, obsessed with the Idea of sex because he's still a virgin.

He's like a fucking mormon during the day, walking around school with his head down and his mind in his books, but the moment he gets home, it's porn sites and chats, wanking all night long.

His favorite site is the one he's currently on, because there's this guy that does cam every night, and the way he fucks is almost mouth watering.

Louis is watching, his hand wrapped around his dick, pumping fast, trying hard to surpress the loud whines, and moans that want to come from his mouth.

His door doesn't have a lock, so technically, his mother would be able to come into his room at any time, so he had to be quiet

The show is over, and louis still has not came, when a voice floods through his earbuds

"One night only, Messaging will be open for possible cam boy hookups, 15 minutes only"

And then the video ended

Louis has never clicked on a message box so fast, typing a simple "pick me I'm a virgin"

He doesn't get a response, he waits...

10 minutes...

15 minutes...

30 minutes...

And finally, when he's watching a new youtube video, his inbox dings, a message from the site

He clicks over, looking at the long message that was sent to him from the cam boy

Hello Louis,

This is a personally typed message thanking you for your message,

I'd like you to tell me more about yourself and why you think i should choose you for my show Friday night.

Here are a few details to consider before you decide you want to go through with this

*this will be a one time thing only

*absolutley no talk about this to anyone

*this position will result in unprotected sex

*You will need to bring a completed physical, and STI/STD form

*We will have to meet before the initial hookup

*i will not drive you home afterwards, you will need to do that/find someone to do that yourself

In your case in particular, you will not need an STI/STD form since you have not had sex. Please think about this, and reply within an hour for best results

You are 1/10 people that i have chosen. Thank you

-H x

Louis bites his bottom lip and smiles slightly to himself. This seemed pretty ligetemate, and his heart was racing as he clicked into the text box, beginning to type his responce, noticing that the greend dot next to the man's user name was glowing, meaning he was also in the chat.

Well, I believe I should be chosen because this has always been a sort of...fantasy of mine, I'm not like most people, I don't want my first time to be all sweet and cute and shit, I've seen the way you move, the way you fuck, and i know it's what I want, I'm pretty much fine will all of your conditions regarding the meeting and transportation. Regardign the other conditions, i am also okay with all of them.

Typing...

Typing...

Typing...

Hello. I seem to be drawn more to you than the other 10 i have chosen. I'm going to go with you because of your...willingness of sorts. Is there anywhere specific you would like to meet? Assuming you are in the area yes?

Uhuh, I don't live far from your location. We could meet at the coffe n tea room?

Typing...

Typing...

That is very much adequate to me. I'll meet you at 5:00 pm on Thursday afternoon, and then again at 8:00 pm on Firday night to take you to mine, and we can talk a bit more before the cam starts. Is that okay with you?

Perfect. One question, how will you know who I am, or how will I know who you are?

Typing...

Typing...

Typing...

Honey, your face is on yout profile (Which by the way, is quite a sight, might I say) I'll come up to you. Meet me at 5 pm sharp, understood?

Understood sir. See you then

The light next to the man's name dissappears, and louis's body is tingling, the thoughts of the way the man moves, moving inside of him, in such a short period of time from now.

He closes his laptop, putting it on his desk next to his bed and hugs his pillow to his chest, smiling slightly to himself. Friday was going to be amazing.

...

"Louis, what the hell man, This is the third time you've stepped on the back of my shoes in the span of a minute, why are you so distracted today?"

It was thursday, and to say Louis wasn't nervous would be a lie, because tomorrow was the day, and tonight they were going to meet for the first time.

"Nothing, I...I dont know, i think i'm just tired...Stayed up all night, you know...reading"

Zayn nods his head like he doesn't believe louis, but lets it go. "You coming over tomorrow night?"

Louis bites his bottom lip "I can't...my mom needs me for something, I think I'm going out with her or something, but how about saturday?"

Zayn nods "sure, I don't think I have anything to do Saturday"

"Okay, well we can hang out then..."

Zayn smiles and pat louis's shoulder "okay, see you tomorrow then Lou" zayn waves his hand as he gets into the front seat of his mother's car

Louis waves, hugging his books to his chest, watching as his own mother's car pulls up in front of him, allowing him to get in

"I'm gonna be hanging out with a friend today at 5 mum, is that okay?"

Johannah smiles and nods her head "Yes of course, I don't mind, just be back before 10 okay?"

Louis nods "How about tomorrow? I'm going out at around 8, but i probably won't be back till one or two"

Johannah thinks for a moment "well...You are 18...technically an adult, so i don't see why not, as long as you stay safe, I don't want you calling me at one am because you need a ride home"

Louis smiles and shakes his head "I won't, don't worry, I'll just have zayn drive me home"

Johannah nods her head "Okay love"

...

Louis looks at himself in the mirror, turning slightly so he can see his bum, and it looks amazing in the leggings he decided to wear, being able to see his panties only slightly, so he would need to wear his oversized hoodie when he passes his mother so she doesnt think anything of it.

He pulls on his beige tank top that jouns in the back and then grabs his hoodie, pulling it over his head and then grabbing his slide on vans, putting those on before grabbing his wallet and phone, then walks out of his room, and down the stairs

"Okay, I'm going out now" he presses a kiss to his mom's cheek "Love you, see you later"

He walks out of the house and toward the bus stop, climbing on the bus and going to the back, sitting down, pressing his earbuds into his ears

A few stops later, he's off of the bus, walking down the block to the small cafe, looking at the time on his phone 4:55

He made it on time

"Can I please have Yorkshire tea and a...chocolate muffin please?"

The girl behind to counter with the name tag saying "molly" pops her gum and types what he wants into the computer screen

"$8.93 please"

Louis pulls out a ten note and tells her to keep the change, gives her his name and then goes over to the end counter where his things would be given to him

"Thank you" he mumbles to the person who hands him his things, and he sits down at the table near the back door, looking at the time on his phone

5:10 pm

The man is late, but louis tells himself if the man isnt there by 5:30 pm, he would leave

And well he didn't have to, because a few minutes later, the chair across from him slides and he looks up, pulling an earbud out of his ear, looking at the breathtaking man in front of him

"Hello." Louis smiles.

The man gives a smirk "Hi louis."

Louis crosses his legs and picks at his muffin "Um, want half?"

The man seems genuenly surprised, his eyes widening "sure. Chocolate?"

Louis nods and splits the muffin in half, sliding one half over to him

"So, you know my name, what's yours?"

"M' Harry"

Louis nods his head and pulls his form out of his small bag, handing the folded paper over to Harry, along with his STD sheet, even though Harry said he didn't need it.

"Here are the forms that you needed."

Harry looks them over and smirks a little bit "lightweight. I could fuck you against the wall"

Louis blushes and bites his bottom lip "If that's what you want to do"

Harry smiles and looks up "And you're sure you want to do this? Considering you're a virgin and all?"

Louis nods his head "I've never really told this to anyone before but i've always liked the thought of you know" Louis blushes "Rough sex...all the time, the thought of soft, loving things never really seem to...turn me on"

Harry smirks and nods his head "good thing i dont do soft then"

Louis smiles a bit and nods his head "yeah I guesso"

Harry nods his head and licks his lips "okay, there is a few things I'd like to talk about for tomorrow"

Louis nods his head and folds his hands together

"So we will be having unprotected sex, which means no condom"

Louis nods "I know what that means Harry" he giggles a little bit

Harry laughs "okay...and you're 100% positive?"

Louis nods his head and bites his bottom lip "So that's it till tomorrow?"

Harry nods his head and takes the final bite of the half muffin louis gave him. "Yup, see you tomorrow, 8pm sharp"

Louis giggles a little bit " You arrived late, not me"

"Okay fair" Harry laughs "Give me your phone number, ill let you know when i'm on my way"

Louis does so and then stands up "cool, see you tomorrow then"

"Wait, before you go" Harry stands up and grabs louis's arm, pulling him close, making louis gasp

"I want you to finger yourself tonight" harry whispers deeply into louis's ear, making the small boy shiver "Just to know a bit of how it's going to be tomorrow"

Louis gulps and nods his head "o-okay"

Harry pulls back and smiles "see you tomorrow then"

...

Louis takes a deep breath and pulls his boxers and pajama bottoms down his legs, putting them to the side

His eyes are focused on the screen, watching one of the boys finger the other, and louis takes a deep breath, grabbing his lube, spreading it on his fingers "okay...Okay"

He watches the screen, trying to do what the boy is doing to the other

He circles his finger around his entrance and then pushes in slowly, gasping a little bit, gulping audibly

He adds another and moves them slowly in and out of himself

"Mmh...oh god" he whimpers, moving his fingers a little bit faster "Oh-...Oh fuck"

He covers his mouth and adds a third finger, having to bite on his finger in order to surpress his moans

He moves them in and out and scissors himself

"Oh my god...Harry" he moans out soflty, imagning the man doing it to him for aonly a few minutes until he's coming on himself

He opens his eyes and they're bleary for a second

"Tomorrow is going to be so good"

...

"Okay, so i talked woth your mom this morning after you went inside, and she told me that you two had no plans tonight...so um...you wanna tell me why you don't wanna hang out with me?" Zayn seems a little bit hurt

Louis cirses at himself silently and smiles at his best friend "I didn't mean to lie to you, i just...I'm nervous ok?"

Zayn crosses his arms

"Im...Im going to...have sex tonight"

Zayn's eyes widen and he smiles "Yes, Louis the mormon finally coming out of his shell"

"Oh you have no idea" louis mumbles, glad that Zayn didn't hear it

"Ok, fine, that's fine, i'll cover for you"

Louis smiles "Can you also pick me up when it's done?"

Zayn nods his head "as long as you tell me about it"

Louis laughs "Okay fine deal"

Zayn winks "Have fun lover boy, see you later"

...

Louis looks at himself in the mirror one last time before tugging his hoodie on and heading downstairs "On my way to Zayn's now. Bye mum"

Johannah smiles "bye boobear, dont worry about curfew, you can spend the night with him if you'd like"

Louis nods "okay, i probably will"

He makes his way out of the home and onto the bus, getting to the cafe at 5 till eight

Harry is already in the shoppe when he gets there, which surprises him

"Hey Harry" louis smiles, Sitting down

"Nope, up, c'mon, we're going stright to mine so we can talk without...well you know, without people to hear"

Louis nods and follows harry out of the cafe and to his car, getting into the passangers seat

"Did you do what i said?"

Louis blushes and looks out the window "Yeah."

"And how did it feel?"

Louis looks staight forward "It was...amazing"

"And how fast did you go?" harry asks

"I started slow, but got faster eventually, and it was so good...God it was amazing"

Harry smirks "You're going to love tonight"

...

**major smut starts now, but you're here, which means you read the smut above, just saying though. Luv you, safe reading **

"Alright, I'm starting the cam now, don't talk okay? But feel free to moan as loud as you want, you can...you know, call me daddy, just dont say my name okay?"

Louis blushes and nods his head, laying back down on the bed "Alright"

"And, your face won't be shown okay?"

Louis nods "Yes, okay I'm ready"

Harry presses the spacebar on his computer, and a stream of louis and himself fills the screen. "Evening everyone, hope you're having a good night, we have a special gift for you, a twink virgin, getting fucked for the first time"

Harry cringes at his own words, but the pedos on this app love talk like that, more views equals more money

"Sit back and enjoy the show"

Louis bites his bototm lip and takes a deep breath, watching harry hover over him, smiling slightly "Ready?" he asks too quiet for the camera to hear

"Yeah" louis whispers the same

Harry puts Louis's bare legs over his shoulders and grabs the lube, spreading it on his fingers, circling his entrance

Louis closes his eyes and gets ready, taking a breath

Harry slides his finger in and out slowly at first, before adding another finger, moving faster

"Oh" louis lets out a small moan "More"

Harry smirks, adding another finger

Louis arches his back a little bit and whines

"Good boy, so good...so tight" harry moans out a bit, rutting his cock against Louis's bum

"Please daddy" louis whimpers

Harry pulls his fingers out and lubes up his cock, pinning Louis's hips to the bed he lines his cock up to Louis's entrance

Harry locks eyes with louis, asking if he can enter

Louis nods his head, giving harry permission

Harry pushes in slowly, allowing louis to get adjusted before pulling out, then pushing back in

"Oh god..." louis moans, the pain slowly easing into pleasure

Harry snaps his hips in after a moment, making Louis cry out and arch his back

"Oh my god, daddy please...more"

Harry moves fast and deep, sliding in and out of Louis's tight hole, his dick prodding at Louis's prostate ever so often

"Fuck, daddy, please, oh my god, please"

Harry leans down and presses his lips against Louis's neck, sucking harshly as he snaps his hips harder

"Oh god, daddy im going to come"

"Hold on baby, wanna eat you out, come from my tongue"

Louis whimpers at the idea "please...Please"

Harry goes balls deep a few more times before pulling out completely, shaking a bit

"God you're doing so good for me"

He flips louis over and pushes his hand to the small of louis's back, pushing lightly so his bum is up further in the air

He licks his lips, biting his bottom one "look at you, so fucking wrecked already, want to taste you so bad, will you let daddy do that? Hmm?"

Louis nods his head "yes please, I need you...need you daddy" louis babbles

Harry leans foward and licks a stripe across Louis's hole, making the small boy gasp and push his bum back

"More, please"

Harry lands a sharp smack on Louis's ass, grabbing his hips, shoving his tongue into the boy's hole, tongue fucking him from behind, jerking him off in the front

Louis can't even think of anything, his mind was filled with the pleasure

"Come. I need to come"

Harry pulls back and nods his head "Come baby, come for me like the good boy you are"

Louis nods his head, and it only takes a few of Harry's fingers along with his tongue to make him come.

Harry pushes himself back into Louis and grabs his hair, pulling it a bit while he fucks Louis, chasing his own high.

"Gonna come in you babe, that okay?" Harry whispers

Louis nods "Want...Want it"

Harry gorans and his whole body trembles with his orgasm, his cum spurting inside of Louis's hole, dripping out when he was done.

He pulls out and spanks Louis's ass a few times

He pulls back and goes over to the camera, his dick hanging limp in between his legs "Have a good night"

He ends the cam and turns to louis "You were amazing...the best i've had in awhile"

Louis smiles and flips around, placing his hand on his stomach. "Give me a minute...I'll leave"

Harry rubs the back of his neck "You...You can stay if you want?"

Louis giggles and shakes his head "no, it's quite okay. I promised my mum i'd be home by one and it's...three"

Harry laughs a bit "let me drive you"

Louis looks at Harry and smiles a little "thought you didn't drive your camboys home?"

Harry shrugs "Eh...You're cute"

Louis laughs a little bit "Thank you"

Harry nods

...

The two get dressed and into Harry's car.

"You wouldn't...want to go out sometime would you?"

Louis smiles a little bit "I would love to"

Harry nods "Great...cool..."

The rest of the way home is silent, and louis looks at harry when they arrive at his home. "So you'll text me then?"

Harry leans over and presses his lips to Louis's cheek "Yeah, go inside"

Louis nods, a small smile on his face "okay..."

Louis gets out of the car and waddles a bit to the front door, taking his keys out, opening the door and walking in, and then closing it beind him

His mother is standing there at the bottom of the stairs, his laptop in her hand

"Hanging out huh?"

And shit, she sounded furious, she turns the laptop around and shows him the chat logs from the porn website he was on a few nights ago

"You...get your fucking ass upstairs"

Louis blushes, and well, if he thought about the way harry fucked him and how worth it, it was while his mom yelled at him, no one had to know


	5. Walls

It was supposed to be beautiful.

The dancing, the music, the lights, and the music

And it was. It was so beautiful, but louis could simply sit on the sidelines and watch everything going on. The couples holding eachother close, kissing, loving. And no one bats an eye

When louis said he didn't have a date, nor did he want one, his mother had not understood. This was one of the most important nights of his life, and he wanted to go alone.

No, he didn't want to go alone, he hated being alone. The cold of the bed, because everyone knows, nothing wakes you up, like waking up alone.

He wanted to go with the prince from the next kingdom over.

It was a forbidden sort of love, and he wished he could run away and never look back.

"C'mon love, you're not even going to dance?"

Louis looks up and smiles a little "no mother. I don't have anyone to dance with"

And he swears he sees a twinkle in Joanna's eyes. "C'mon, just get up for the last dance, you've been here sulking all evening"

Louis rolls his eyes, and his smile grows a bit wider. "Okay fine, will you do me the honour of the last dance then mum?"

Joanna smiles and slips her hands into her sons, pulling him up. "Of course, meet me in the middle okay? I have to go grab something really quickly"

"Alright"

Louis begins to make his way to the middle when the music begins. Hes surrounded by couples dancing around him, girls and boys, moving languidly together along the dancefloor.

Louis continues to walks forward, head down, eyes trained on the diamonds patterened on the ballroom dance floor

He looks up, the orchestra playing a soft song

And like the red sea, there is a part in the circle, and there's a person, in a mask, walking toward louis

Louis raises his eyebrow and looks around, watching the circle of dancers form around him again.

The person stands in front of him, and he tilts louis's head up

"W-who..."

The person does not answer, they simply slips their hand into louis's and sets the other on his waist

Louis gasps a bit when the strnager pulls him towards their chest, and louis knows it's familiar, he knows this person. But he doesnt.

He bites his bottom lip and lets himself relax, knowing that it was a man who he was dancing with, and it's all he really wanted

He rests his head softly on the man's chest, closing his eyes

They sway softly compared to the dancing around them, and louis feels so safe, his heart begins to race and his lip begins to tremble.

The song ends, and louis pulls back, tears shining in his beautiful blue eyes.

The man cups Louis's face, and louis sees it. He sees the cross on his hand

"H-Harry" louis whispers out, putting his hands over harry's looking around the room to see everyone watching them

"I...You have to go" Louis whispers

Harry pulls back and places one arm behind his back, bowing down to Louis then standing straight again, putting a hand to his mask, pulling it up

Louis lets a tear slip then.

What was everyone going to think

He closes his eyes, and he's thrust away from the world for a moment, hearing nothing, seeing nothing, knowing nothing, until he feels hands on his face

"C'mon Louis, look at me...Open your eyes"

And louis does, because Harry is his because.

"Nobody is booing" harry whispers

"Look around Louis, nobody is booing"

Louis forces his eyes away from the saftey of Harry's green ones and he sees people looking, but not in disgust.

They all have smiles on their faces, and some have their hands clasped over their hearts

Louis relaxes and feels his body go placid, and harry is there to gather him up in his arms

"Does this mean...Wait what does this mean?" Louis whispers

"We're free"

Louis looks up at harry and his eyes are sparkling

"The walls never broke our souls..."

Louis smiles a little bit, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist"

"And after everything...I watched them all come falling down for you"

Harry smiles and cups Louis's face again, moving in slowly "I love you."

Louis nuzzles his nose against harry's, his eyes falling shut.

"I love you too"

And their lips touch

The world is theirs

And there's no better feeling in the world than being free.


	6. Chicken Salad Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh god this one is so bad

"Harry, look" Louis says, climbing onto the couch, worming his way into Harry's lap, showing him the screen of his phone

"What am I looking at?" Harry asks, laughing a bit because the phone was off, which means he could only see his own reflection

Louis blushes and looks down bashfully "the love of my life"

Harry smiles and wraps his arms around louis "you are sO CUTE" He says, squeezing Louis to his chest

"Harry!....can't....breathe!" Louis manages to giggle

Harry let's him go and presses a sloppy kiss to his boyfriends cheek, making Louis cringe and push his face away, "ew! You got slobber on my face Harry!"

Harry laughs and wipes Louis's face with the sleeve of his shirt, rolling his eyes "better princess?"

Louis shrugs and rests his head on Harry's shoulder, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist, nuzzling close

"Awww, is my baby cuddly today? Does my little chicken salad sandwich want attention?"

Louis sits up and looks at Harry with raised eyebrows "did...did you just...call me a...sandwich?"

Harry nods "a chicken salad sandwich to be exact"

louis furrows his eyebrows and laughs a little bit "you're so weird harry"

harry pouts and nuzzles his boyfriends cheek, fake sniffling "you hurt my feelings chop suey"

louis slaps harry's back "only zayn is allowed to call me that"

"you hate me" harry says, pulling back

louis giggles at harry's face "i do not hate you stupid. i love you"

harry smiles, because he just can't help but to when louis is looking at him like an angel, saying he loves him. it was all too much, how could someone frown at a boy like louis? 

——-

hella short, but it was cute and i didn't feel like anything more needed to be added,

anywho


	7. Art (smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> information: this is gonna have some lines from titanic, i'm sure you know which ones, but it's not a titanic au so don't come at me cause i have them in high school   
> also, this is based of a tiktok i saw 😳

harry pushes his glasses up his nose with an intent look in his eyes, his pencil moving along the page like water moves down its bank.

he tilts his head slightly, moving his face closer to his paper, his lip trapped between his teeth as he leans back and looks at the page in front of him.

"harry, fucking pay attention to me. you've been working on that stupid drawing this whole time." louis snaps, grabbing the notebook from harry's hands, tossing it to the tiger side of the bed, climbing into his boyfriends lap

"i'd love to pay attention to you, but it's due tomorrow and it's not. it's not perfect" harry says, resting his hands on louis's hips.

louis wraps his arms around harry's neck and frowns "why did you ask me over if you were only going to ignore me. i might as well just leave" he says dramatically, resting his head on harrys shoulder

"no, stay, i'm almost done, i promise." he leans in and presses his lips to louis's, leaning the small boy back until he's laying down, harry hovering over him,

harry reaches his hand out and grabs his notebook, pulling back with a little smirk, setting the notebook back in his lap, refocusing on the eyelashes he was trying to perfect.

louis pouts and crosses his arms over his chest, biting his lip as an idea popped into his head

he sits up and puts his hand over the drawing, moving the notebook once again to the other side of the bed.

"lou come on-"

"harry, i want you to draw me like one of your french girls" he smirks, looking harry in his eyes through his lashes,

harry chuckles a little bit "stop it"

louis grasps the chain from around harrys neck and moves his way onto his boyfriends lap once more. "wearing this"

harry laughs and shakes his head "fine, i'll draw you, after i-"

"wearing...only this" louis says, rubbing his pointer finger and thumb across the cool metal of harry's cross necklace, licking his bottom lip when he locks eyes with harry.

harry nods his head, getting lost into louis's eyes, his hands finding their way back onto louiss hips

"yeah?"

harry nods, breathing out a "yeah"

louis grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head with a small smile, grabbing harrys necklace, putting it over his own head, shivering a bit when the metal hits his bare skin.

harrys audibly gulps, his eyes roaming over his boyfriends chest.

louis gets on his knees, over harrys lap, unbuttoning his pants, pulling them down to his thighs "wanna help me baby?"

harry nods his head and reaches his shakey hands meet the fabric of louis's jeans.

louis sits on his bum, making it easier for harry to pull them off of his legs, his hands moving straight to the fabric of louis's boxers.

louis lifts his hips, he was completely in the nude now, laying back on the bed, looking at harry with flushed cheeks, his eyes sparkling with mischief

"you just gonna stare, or are you gonna touch me?" louis whispers

harry reaches forward and slides his hands up louiss thighs, his mouth watering

he reaches to take his own clothes off, but louis shakes his head and grabs harrys hands "uh uh, you're pleasuring me, not yourself" he says "i get all of the attention now...go on, grab your notebook and draw" louis commands, making harry whine a bit, but do as he's told.

"you know, i'm the dominant one, not you"

louis rolls over on his stomach, crossing his legs behind himself, looking back at harry, who's eyes are glued to his ass.

"i seem to be doing a pretty good job of controlling you right now." he teases

"it's because your ass is hypnotic okay?" harry chuckles, no longer being able to focus on the paper in his lap while his boyfriend is naked in front of him.

"you know i hate it when you tease me." harry grumbles, shakily drawing the outline of louis's body on the paper, gulping a little bit

"and you know i hate it when you ignore me" louis giggles a little bit, laying his head down on the bed

"maybe if you do a good job, i'll let you fuck me. maybe" louis whispers out, closing his eyes and sighing softly, turning back around

"what do you think, should i lay on my back, or my stomach?" louis asks, biting his bottom lip, twirling the chain around his neck

"um...whichever...i...whichever you want" harry stutters out, erasing a stray line

louis lays on his side and looks at harry with innocent eyes

"are you almost done? i'm getting bored"

harry laughs a little bit "art takes time. it took nine months to create you" harry gives his boyfriend a lob sided smile

louis blushes a bit and smiles himself, getting up and grabbing the notebook from harrys hands "it looks perfect, touch me now" he whispers, putting the notebook on the bedside desk, helping harry take his clothes off

"please, lou i need to be inside of you"

louis nods his head "i'm all yours"

harry thanks the gods above and reaches into his drawer, grabbing the small bottle of lube he kept there for every time louis came over.

louis gets onto his stomach and arches his back a little, lifting his hips so harry has the perfect angle

"you're perfect" harry whispers, dripping some lube onto his hands, spreading it along his cock, lining up perfectly before pressing his tip to his boyfriends entrance

"go slow, i didn't finger my self" louis says

harry pulls back "do you want me to-"

"no, jus be gentle" louis says with a hint of a laugh in his voice

harry pushes in slowly, putting his hands on louiss waist to steady himself, holding back from slamming in and fucking his boyfriend till he can't breathe

"fuck, harry" louis breathes out when harry's bottomed out, the tip of his dick lightly tapping louis's prostate.

"can i move?" harry asks, rubbing louis's back

"yeah, please"

harry pulls back slowly, then pushes back in, making louis gasp and whine at the same time, fucking music to harrys ears

louis clenches the bedsheets, moaning softly when harry continues his pace, driving louis insane. he couldn't figure out if he wanted harry to go faster, or if he wanted it to stay just like this

"more" is what comes out of his mouth

harry doesn't exactly know what that means, so he takes longer thrusts, pulling out almost all the way, then pushing back in, the same pace.

louis taps harrys leg "wanna ride you"

harry nods and pulls out, helping louis sit up

he himself sits back against the headboard, watching louis position himself, then sink down onto harrys cock, making him twitch

"i love you" harry says

louis smiles and leans back, beginning to move up and down "i love you too"

louis doesn't move fast, but he moves hard, making both of them groan in satisfaction.

"i'm gonna cum, fuck, off off"

louis shakes his head "want it inside...please harry" he whispers out, beginning to move faster

"you sure love?"

louis merely nods, not trusting his words "yes, god yes i want it so bad"

it doesn't take much longer, louis is cumming himself, clenching around harrys cock, giving it the pressure it needed to take him over the edge, cumming straight into his boyfriend

louis leans back and tries to catch his breath "okay" he says

"okay what"

"you can work on your stupid drawing now."


	8. Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the best thing ive ever written. 
> 
> in which louis has a crush on harry, so he decides to give him a kiss.

Louis always wore a smile on his face wherever he went. It could be raining, it could be snowing, or it could be plain sunny, Louis would still have a smile on his face. And that paired with his stunning blue eyes, which glinted in any weather, was simply perfect

This morning, Louis carries a bag with him, cupped between his tiny hands, his eyes roaming the halls of the school, trying to find a certain curly haired lad, he happened to be quite fond of

Louis pauses when he hears the laughter, and his smile grows wider for a second, before he turns around and his eyes catch sight of the boy he had been looking for

Harry Styles.

What a beautiful name, Louis thought, the name of a summer feeling. Oh so wonderful and warm.

Louis and Harry knew each other, not well, but enough to make Louis's heart beat faster when ever he lay eyes on the lad

Louis steps forward, walking up to Harry and his group of friends.

Harry's eyes lock with Louis's when he gets close enough, and a small smile makes it's way onto his face. "Hey Louis"

Louis smiles and tilts his head a little, holding out his hands, the bag full of candies now open to Harrys sight

"have a kiss"

harry smiles and grabs a candy from the bag, looking at louis with complete adoration in his eyes. "thank you"

louis nods his head and turns around, walking away from harry and his confused group of friends.

and so it began.

everyday, louis would come into school and give harry a chocolate kiss, and it came to the point of harry waiting by his locker for louis to come by, because the highlight of his day was seeing louis, and getting that kiss.

louis walks into school exactly three weeks, two days, three hours, and 34 minutes after the first kiss was given, except this time, he doesn't have a bag of candy with him. he is empty handed, and his smile is lighting up the room.

it's becoming harder and harder not to notice him as he walks down the halls, in search of the curly haired boy, though he knew exactly where he was going to find him.

"good morning louis. no kisses today?" harry asks when he notices the boy is empty handed

"i got one last one, saved it for you" louis smiles, reaching into his pocket, holding his hand out "it may not be a kiss perhaps"

harry raises his eyebrows but holds his hand out, allowing louis to drop a heart shaped candy into his palm

it read kiss me

harry looks up at louis and smiles a little bit "hmm...interesting"

louis blushes and looks down bashfully "well, i didn't have anymore kisses,"

harry steps forward and lifts louis's chin, placing the candy to his lips

louis opens his mouth slightly

"good thing i have plenty" harry says before leaning forward, placing his lips on louis's

louis squeaks when harry pulls him closer by his overall straps, but closes his eyes and wraps his arms around harry's neck soon after, allowing himself to melt into the kiss

harry pulls back, and the candy is in his mouth now, a small smirk on his face, while louis is just plain light headed

"come back tomorrow, i'll have another kiss for you" he taps louis's lips before walking away, leaving a dazed, but happy louis behind.


	9. Holding Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is Top Louis

When Louis Tomlinson first got the courage to walk up to the boy who wore flower crowns in his hair, his palms were sweating and his friends were watching him with curious eyes, wondering what he was doing, since he had suddenly began walking away in the middle of making plans for the weekend

Harry's laughter was beautiful, and Louis swears it's the prettiest sound he has ever heard in his entire 18 years to live.

Harry's laughter, however, grows quiet when he notices the boy walking up to him, and his cheeks heat up, his eyes wandering to his feet, wondering suddenly if he smelled okay because Louis Tomlinson was walking up to him right now.

"Hello" Louis starts, a small smile making it's way onto his face, his hands clasping behind his back as he rolled back and fourth on the balls of his feet.

Harry tucks a curl behind his ear, moving some from his forehead before looking at Louis with a shy smile "Hello, Louis"

Louis bites his bottom lip to conceal the smile that was fighting it's way onto his face. He swears this boy is going to be the death of him

"So, eh...Me and my friends are going to the parade coming into town this weekend...I know you were planning on going I, overheard you in class..."

Harry nods his head and adjusts the flowers in his hair before wrapping his arms back around his books "it's the pride parade you know, do your friends know that?"

Louis shakes his head "I don't think so, but i also don't think they'll mind, as long as there's food, they're cool with anything"

Harry gives a small giggle, covering his mouth with his hands. "How about you? As long as there is food?"

Louis rubs his upper arm and shrugs "I go for a different reason. And, if i'm being honest, my friends only go with me to support me"

Harry tilts his head, a fond smile on his face "That's really nice of them."

It's silent for a moment, and Louis then lets out a small laugh "Fuck it, Do you wanna, maybe go to the parade together? Like, I mean...you don't have to, cause we only have a few classes together and you don't really know me, or well, except for that one project we were paired up for, do you remember that? You came to my house and you met my family, and they thought you were my boyfriend" Louis laughs nervously "That was an awkward situation, and you wouldn't sit near me for the rest of the night, you know, Wait, i don't, you...wait, do you want this to be a date? cause it doesn't have to be-"

Harry pushes his finger to louis's lips to shush him, small giggles threatening to fall from his lips "You're so silly Louis" he whispers softly. "i would love to go to the parade with you"

Louis smiles behind harry's finger and brings his hand up to move harry's "Really?"

Harry smiles and nods his head "Sure, what time do you wanna meet there?"

Louis bites his bottom lip for a moment "er, well I was hoping i could pick you up? Unless you don't want that..."

Harry nods "Okay, you still have my number? I'll text you my address..."

The shrill cry of the school bell interrupts their conversation, Harry looks up and then closes his locker door, poking Louis's chest "i'll text you later...see you tomorrow"

Louis nods his head and takes a deep breath, watching the lanky boy walk in the other direction. 

"Mind explaining what's going on?" Liam snaps Louis out of his daze, slapping a hand down on his back, steering him toward their shared last hour.

"I think Harry Styles just agreed to go out with me tomorrow" Louis smiles when the reality sets in.

...

True to his word, Harry does text Louis later that night with his address, along with a goodnight text.

Louis is so giddy, he responds with a heart emoji, then curses himself and his stupidity for an hour before going to bed himself, not realizing the heart he sent made harry blush and squeal into his pillow.

...

Louis is waiting in his car the next morning in front of Harry's house, waiting for the boy to walk out, and when he does, louis is not sure he's going to be able to keep his eyes on the road with harry dressed so beautifully sitting next to him.

Harry gets into the car and smiles at louis, the rainbow heart on his cheek crinkling a bit "Hi Louis, I like your shirt" Harry points to the rainbow apple design on his shirt.

"Thank you...I like you...Your leggings, cute design, need to get me a pair"

Harry blushes and fixes the flowers in his hair, looking in front of him "Shall we go?"

Louis nods and puts the car in drive, heading down the main road to the parking garage.

"So...how come you decided to ask me to go with you?" Harry asks suddenly, looking over at louis who looks back for a split second before his eyes are back on the road in front of him

"Um...Well it's pretty obvious innit? I like you"

Harry tilts his head and bites his bottom lip, and he looks so innocent, louis just wants to kiss him until he can't breathe, and all he can feel is harryharryharry

"I like you too."

Louis smiles and nods his head "Well, I'm glad the feeling is mutual"

they arrive at the parking garage moments later, and get out of the car, the parade already in full swing in the streets below them

Louis catches up to Harry and nudges the taller boy "Can I hold your hand?"

Harry nods his head, and Louis laces their fingers together, tugging harry close to him, loving the feeling of being with him already, and they aren't even out of the parking garage

"Have you ever been to one of these?" Harry asks when they exit the garage, onto the main road, couples, gay, straight, and whatever walking down the street, all supporting one another

"No, I haven't actually, i've always wanted to, but, my parents don't exactly know i'm gay"

Harry nods his head in understanding "I'm just gonna warn you about the church across the street from the end of the parade, they always stand outside the barrier and yell and stuff, but just ignore them, they're closed minded, and rude" Harry pouts

Louis wants to snog him

"I won't listen to them i promise, in fact, I'll probably try to piss them off" He smirks, looking at harry with a knowing smile, silently asking him the question

Want to kiss in front of them?

Harry's blush spreads "Before we leave okay?"

Louis nods his head, suddenly feeling much happier.

The two walk around for a while, meeting new people, smoking a joint with a group of people in a car until harry needed air, and then they grabbed some soft pretzels.

Louis lets Harry talk until he's run out of breath, Harry talks about anything and everything, and by the time he's done talking, they're attention is on the group of church goers, and a group of people from the parade arguing back and fourth, each on their respective sides of the barrier

Louis looks at harry with a small smile

Harry nods his head, taking a deep breath while louis pulls him through the crowd, until they're front and center

"Can I have your attention please? i HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY" Louis yells, mostly quieting everyone down

"I think we've learned the errors of our ways..." he fakes sincerity "Let me check"

And he grabs Harry's face, pressing his lips to the taller boys, noting the shiver that goes through Harry's body

Harry allows Louis to dominate the kiss, placing his arms around Louis's neck, tilting his head a little bit

The crowd behind them cheering and laughing, while the church people remain silent.

Louis pulls back and presses a kiss to harry's adams apple and then looks at the church goers

"shit, no i still like boys, maybe next time"

The crowd behind them goes wild with laughter, and even harry has to hide his little giggles, grabbing louis's hand before sprinting in the other direction

They make it back to the car, where louis has harry pinned to the side, his lips pressing back to the taller boys, hands finding their way onto his waist 

And louis thinks there's nothing better in the world to witness than Harry's face after he kisses him


	10. When the Sun Sets, you Ignite Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lot of people liked this one

Louis was the kind of person who lit up a room when he walked in. The kind of person you cant help but to smile around, because when he hits you with his soft smile, and the crinkle of his nose, you can't help but to fall in love with him a little bit every time

He is the kind of boy, nature adored, when Louis was happy, the sun shone just a little brighter than the day before, beating down on his golden skin, he was the epitome of golden...

When Louis was sad, the sky cried with him, and the water of the seas, felt his rage.

But now, Louis felt serene, looking at the sunset from his Venice hotel room, the wind blowing softly in his face, making him scrunch his nose in absolute delight. He loved evenings like this, where he can sit outside, and admire what the world would look like if War had not been declared on Germany

"What are you doing out here? It's nearly 9"

Ah, the voice of a true angel, dripping in gold, almost as beautiful as the man who spoke.

Louis turns around and hits Harry with his soft smile, and Harry himself is such a fool for Louis, he smiles back and leans against the open doorway, his nightshirt fluttering softly

"You know how dangerous it is to be out here at this hour? Come in"

Louis turns around and looks out at the darkening sky "But Harry...Look at how beautiful the sky is... It should be a crime..." Louis lets out a soft sigh and rests his chin in his hand, closing his eyes and breathing in the air "I hate that we are in War..."

And Louis does, but not because he can't see the sunset.

"I don't like the situation either.." Louis whispers, turning back to look at Harry.

You see, In every love story, there is always the point of destruction, something that tears the lovers apart, and in this case, Harry was sent his drafting letter a few days before they decided to go on one last holiday together.

Harry frowns and looks out at the sunset as well, nodding his head "At least you will be safe mon fleur"

However, his voice is lost in the wind, and Louis looks at the floor "I will be safe...But what about you? What do you think they will do to you!" Louis asks, his voice raising, and as if mother nature felt it, the wind picks up

Harry looks at Louis and shakes his head "I will not give them the opportunity to hurt me."

Louis shakes his head and walks past Harry into the room, pacing around "You do not understand Harry, no matter what, you will change...Your hands will be bloody, you will have taken a life."

Harry walks into the room after him and frowns "Would you rather they have mine then?"

Louis shakes his head "Never..."

"Then what would you have me do? Hide like a coward? I'm doing something for our country, so we don't fall into the grasps of communism, So we don't loose all touch with reality!" Harry says, shutting the back door, fearing someone will wake, and the lovers will be discovered

Louis shakes his head once more and sits down on the bed, and only then, does Harry notice how tired Louis looks, his normally bright eyes, a dim, stormy grey

"I just want to go to sleep" Louis says, his voice heavier, his shoulders drooping

"Wait" Harry sighs softly, getting down on his knees in front of Louis, placing his hands on his lovers waist, looking him in his eye. "I'm sorry...I don't want you to go to sleep upset."

Louis does not respond, so Harry gives a small smile and tilts his head "Allez belle, tu sais que je t'aime. Aime-moi en retour"   
(Come on beautiful, you know I love you. Love me back)

Louis gives a small smile, and Harry can tell he's fighting off a bigger one, so Harry scrunches his nose and sticks his tongue out

Louis shakes his head with a laugh "Tu ressembles à une grenouille"  
(You look like a frog)

Harry lets out a laugh, a genuine laugh and rests his head on Louis's chest, closing his eyes, allowing his mind to be eased with the sound of Louis's heartbeat, the heart that belongs to him.

"It's a sad reality Louis, I know, I don't want to go to war, to leave you, If i could find a way to escape the draft, trust me, I would do everything in my power to whisk you away, and give you the life you want"

Louis's eyes tear up, and he can't help the frown that forces it's way onto his face

"I want to give you a home, a family, a dog, family meals...I want to marry you, I want to be the one you wake up to every morning...Louis I want everything with you...I know you think this paper..." Harry reaches back into his suitcase, grabbing the crumbled paper from the bottom, his drafting paper "I know you think this is going to take me away from you...But I promise you, nothing can ever take me away from you...my heart will always find yours"

Louis covers his face, and lets out a sob, and it breaks Harry's heart

Mother nature hears Louis's cry, and her heart is broken too, it begins to drizzle softly

"I do not want to loose you!" Louis's voice comes out broken, his body shaking "You are the only good thing I have left in my life Harry! If I loose you, I loose myself!"

Harry feels himself tear up, he feels as if his heart had just been ripped from his chest.

"You will never loose me! I am forever yours." Harry says, trying to get Louis to look at him "Louis...Please S'il vous plaît laissez-moi voir votre beau visage ..."  
(let me see your beautiful face)

Louis shakes his head and another sob leaves his body "war changes people. I have seen the way troops come home harry...disfigured, or dead!"

Harry moves Louis's hands gently "tell me something Mon Cherri, If i come home without an arm, or a leg, are you going to love me less?"

Louis shakes his head "I do not care about your body...It is your soul I love..."

"So what does it matter if I come home disfigured? You will love me as I am"

And it is the truth, Louis has never been someone to like based off of riches, or looks. Louis would love Harry no matter how he came home, and it wouldn't matter, because he came home

"So let's make tonight beautiful. As we are"

Louis smiles and nods his head "Yes...Lets"

They share a soul once more that night.

And when it's over, Louis lay awake in Harry's arms, his eyes roaming around Harry's sleeping face

"this is the you I want to remember...serene, peaceful..." Louis tears up "I know you will come back broken. not your face, but your soul too"

And he closes his eyes, trying to piece his heart back together.

...

The next morning, they part, and for the first time in nearly a century, it snows in Venice 

-3 months pass-

Louis feels it

He feels it, the moment Harry leaves the earth

He sits up in bed and clutches his chest through his night shirt, letting out a heartbreaking cry "No! No! NO!"

Louis is crying, he is panicking, his mother is trying to hold him, but he screams and pushes her away "He promised!" Louis cries out "He promised he would not leave me!"

Johannah understands in that moment, that her son just lost the love of his life. 

...

Louis really did not want to be here. Watching Harry's body, inside of a casket, get lowered into the ground, his heart, being buried along with his home

He manages to keep himself from crying, until Harry's mum comes, and wraps her arms around him, and all Louis can do is cry.

"I know" Anne whispers, holding her second son close "I know baby"

"he promised me" Louis sobs, breaking anne's heart "He promised me he would come home."

"He is home..."

And that makes Louis cry even more "I'm so scared Anne, I'm so scared I'm going to loose myself"

Anne pulls back and wipes Louis's tears, shaking her head "You can't...he wanted you to have this"

Anne pushes a sealed envelope with louis's name written on it

She smiles at him, and then walks away

Louis looks down at the letter and opens it carefully

Louis,

Just remember, the moon loved the sun so much, he died every night just so the sun could breathe  
Im with you always. Always you 

It's so short. But it's all Louis needs.

...

And it isn't until three months later, when Louis gets the letter informing him he would be drafted into the war, when he opens Harry's letter again

And with a shaky hand, he grabs a pen, and writes on the line under Harry's ending sentence 

I know you'll be waiting...I'll see you again soon.


	11. Robbed?

"okay, so i grabbed some Chinese on the way back, cause i know you would bug me about it if I didn't" Harry laughs, closing the front door, looking up to see Louis crossing his arms, a glare on his face, his phone in his hand 

"Uh oh..." Harry mutters, putting the chinese down "What have I done?"

Louis lets out a sigh "when were you gonna tell me that you got robbed? At knife point harry! why didn't you tell me! you know i hate finding things like this out on the internet!" he puts his phone down and then sits down on the couch 

"Lou, I..." Harry walks over and tries to hold Louis, but the smaller boy wont let him "I didn't want you to worry"

Louis sighs again and puts his head in his hands "Harry...on valentines day...while i was home, you...you didn't even look upset, you...i wish you would have told me"

Harry laces his fingers together and tilts his head "Lou..."

"And you don't even have a night guard! Harry! what if it happens again! you wont be so lucky!"

Harry leans back "You think it'll happen again?"

Louis looks at harry "It happened the first time didn't it! what makes you think it can't happen again?"

Harry places his hands on his knees "I made it out alive...didn't I?"

Louis looks at harry, tears shining in his eyes "This time.."

Harry gets up and bites his bottom lip "I'm...I need to go out"

"Seriously Harry? You're gonna go out at this time, alone?"

Harry takes a breath "I can handle myself Louis, I just...I need to go before we start fighting"

"If you walk out of that door, we're gonna be fighting!" Louis says, standing up, looking at harry with a challenging look 

"Louis, don't do this, I'm just going for a walk"

"I don't want you to!"

Harry takes a deep breath "I have to. I don't wanna yell okay?"

"Why would you even yell at me? For worrying?"

"Look, I know you care Louis, but I can handle my own, and you know how i feel about having a guard walking around with me when im out walking" Harry says, trying to keep his cool

"All I ask...is for you not to leave right now...it's dark and not safe" Louis says 

Harry takes his hand off of the doorknob and sighs "Fine...I'm going to bed"

Louis bites his bottom lip and looks at the floor "Fine.."

Harry walks into their room to grab some clothes, and then walks into the guest bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him.

...

Louis ends up falling asleep on the couch, cheeks puffy, however, he wakes up at around 2 in the morning when he hears Harry walk into the kitchen and get some water. 

He yawns and stretches, grabbing his blanket, wrapping it around himself and beginning to walk into the bedroom

"Lou"

Louis rubs his eyes and turns to look at Harry "hm?"

Harry beacons louis to come closer, so the small boy does, looking up at his boyfriend 

"I'm sorry" Harry whispers, wrapping his arms around Louis's waist, nuzzling his head into the crook of Louis's neck 

Louis smiles softly and wraps his arms around Harry "It's okay...I just don't want anything to happen to you...I love you Harry, and if I lost you...I don't know what I'd do" 

Harry pulls back and cups louis's face, pressing a soft kiss to his lips "you'll never loose me louis"

Louis smiles "C'mon...m tired"

Harry nods, and the two head to bed, safe in each others arms


	12. Until We were More

Silent moments make for beautiful memories. The prettiest moments are those made when the night is silent, and the moon can sing her lovely song. Delicate moments are created when the one you love, sings softly to you while you watch the way the waves crash against the shore, and their fingers are running through your hair, soothing your mind, and letting you know that everything is going to be okay.

...

Silence is the way Louis loves to work. Most people need the sound of music flowing through speakers or earbuds, or maybe they just need something to inspire them to work. Louis only needs the sounds of the earth.

However, there's one boy who always changes Louis's plans of silence. Harry Styles.

Louis could use so many different words to describe the man that was Harry Styles. Annoying, Irrietable, Inconsistant, Stupid, Rude, Cocky, and the absolute love of his life.

"Can you please go do that somewhere else? I'm trying to paint" Louis huffs, putting his paintbrush down, his eyes locking with Harry's green ones. His green eyes that hold amusement.

"I'm letting my inner artistic out" Harry says, bringing the saxophone back to his mouth, getting ready to start playing (horribly, might louis add) again

"Artist. It's your inner artist, not artistic" Louis rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose when all Harry does is shrug his shoulders and blow into the mouthpiece of the instrument

Louis gives up. He shakes his head and puts his paints down, getting off of the stool so he can grab the tarp he uses to cover his work. He just wanted to go home, and take a warm bubble bath. He covers his canvas and puts the jars of paint back into the cabinet they belong in before washing the paint off of the palette.

"Going so soon?" Harry asks with a smirk on his face, putting the saxophone back into its case, watching the way Louis moves around the room with ease.

"Yes, I'm going home."

Harry puts the saxophone back into the corner where he found it and stands up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Weird. I'm going home too"

Louis rolls his eyes and mocks Harry under his breath, putting his canvas bag over his shoulder, his eyes going from the saxophone case to Harry's empty hands.

"That's not yours?" he asks

Harry looks over at the saxophone case as well and shakes his head "Nah, Just thought it'd be fun to annoy you with"

Louis rolls his eyes again and pushes past Harry. "I hate you"

Harry laughs and follows, making sure the door is shut, and locked, behind them before taking a few steps to catch up with Louis. "You don't hate me, you're infatuated with me, can't get enough of me."

Louis shakes his head and stops for a second, looking at Harry with a small smile, placing his hand on the taller's shoulder. "Harry, I wouldn't love you if you were the last man on earth, and the fate of the future human race depended on us"

Harry laughs and places a hand to his chest, his eyes seeming to glow in the light of the sun. "Ouch, not gonna lie, that hurts"

Louis continues walking "Hurts, yes, It hurts your ego"

Harry shakes his head and stops walking, making Louis turn around and then continue walking.

"Bye Louis, love of my life, I'll see you tomorrow. Until then, I will be in despair." Harry shouts, walking toward his car

Louis's heart stutters, but he ignores it, turning around and shouting back "I will throw a celebration now that I'm away from you."

Harry only laughs and gets into his car, shaking his head slightly before ridding Louis's comments from his mind.

...

"I'm home" Louis calls, putting his bag on the hook near the door, slipping his shoes off and walking into the kitchen where he finds his father stirring something in a pot. He leans in and presses a kiss to his father's cheek before sitting down on the island stool.

"How was school? You're home early" Mark comments, turning to face his son, wiping his hands on the kitchen cloth.

"Harry was being annoying." Is all Louis supplies with for an answer, shrugging his shoulders.

Mark nods his head and points to the living room "Lottie has been asking for your help on her homework since Johannah made her sit down to do it."

Louis sighs exaggeratedly and gets off of the stool, walking into the living room to see his 10 year old sister sitting on the floor, her homework splayed out in front of her. Her cheeks were tear stained and her nose was running, but she looked up at Louis, and her frown instantly turned into a smile "LouLou!"

Louis smiles and grabs a tissue, leaning down to clean his sister's nose. "Why are you crying, hmm?"

Lottie points to her homework and frowns "It's hard LouLou, and papa wont help me with it." she sniffs, cuddling into Louis's chest

Louis shakes his head "Well, we can't have that can we?" He asks, grabbing the papers, looking at them "Alright, Let's do this homework and then we can go play, how about that?" he asks.

Lottie nods her head and grabs her pencil, settling herself in Louis's lap.

Louis smiles and helps his sister with her homework until she's finished it all.

...

Harry: Hello Louis, I am bored, entertain me.

Me: entertain yourself. I'm watching a movie.

Harry: Oh! What movie?

Me: leave me alone you shit head.

Harry: You call me a shit head, but you still answer. So am I really annoying you?

Louis makes it a point to not answer after that message, even though he really wants to. He trains his eyes back onto the Tv, Lottie asleep in his lap, his parents staying cooly silent. And for a brief moment. He wonders if everything is going to be okay.

"I'm gonna put Lottie to bed and then take a walk before I go to bed. Is that okay?" Louis asks, situating Lottie in his arms, lifting her carefully, as to not wake her up.

"Yes, that's fine Louis" Mark smiles, turning his head back towards the TV.

Louis nods his head and takes his sister up to her room, laying her down on her bed, and bringing her blankets up to her chin, tucking her in.

He exits her room and shuts the door quietly, walking to the edge of the staircase, listening to his parents hushed whispers.

He decides to stay quiet and walk past them with a smile on his face "I'll be back soon" He says, opening the front door, walking out.

The cool wind pierces his skin, and he shivers, pulling his phone out, seeing multiple messages from Harry

Harry: Nooooo, don't ignore me

Harry: Louiiiiiiiissssss

Harry: LOUIS ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW

Harry: LOUIS LOUIS

Harry: FINE YOU RUDE ASS >:(

Louis gives a small smile and shakes his head, typing back a response

Me: Meet me at the park by your house.

He doesn't get a response, but he knows Harry will be there, because he always is.

Louis waits on the swingset, till he sees Harry's lanky figure walking up to the swings next to him, shaking his head and shrugging his coat off. "Why don't you have a coat on? You know you fall ill easily"

Louis shakes his head and laughs lighty, taking the jacket in his hands. "I didn't think about taking one, I was too caught up in my head"

Harry sits down on the swing next to Louis's and swings softly, looking at Louis with a small smile. "So, what's up?"

Louis shakes his head and pulls Harry's hoodie up onto his head. "Give me a second..."

Harry nods, and they two swing silently, looking up at the clouds, covering the moon.

"I think my parents are getting a divorce...and my dad is neglecting Lottie..." he says softly, his fingers gripping the chain of the swings

Harry stays silent, because he doesn't know what to say right now, and he's sure Louis has more to say.

"I don't know Harry. They try to act strong for me, and for Lottie and Fizzy, But I can see it. And I can tell, when Dad calls Mom by her name...I just... I know something is wrong"

Harry looks over at Louis and licks his lips "I'm sorry Louis..."

Louis smiles softly and looks over at Harry, tears brimming in his eyes "You don't have to be sorry...it's not your fault they're divorcing"

They're silent for a while, and Harry takes a breath, looking towards Louis."Why do you act like you hate me at school? I mean, I know it's banter, but...I like you, and you know I do."

Louis takes a deep breath and licks his lips "I don't know...I can stop if you want. You know I like you too"

Harry smiles and looks up at the sky, nodding his head "You don't have to stop. I was just starting to think you actually hated me"

Louis's heart clenches painfully, and he shakes his head "No, I couldn't hate you, you've done nothing to make me hate you. I'm sorry"

Harry chuckles a little bit "It's okay. Just me being stupid"

Louis nods his head and the two swing for a while more, before Louis's phone buzzes with a message from his mother, telling him it's time to go home.

Louis gets up and begins to take Harry's jacket off to give it back to him, but Harry shakes his head "keep it, your house is a further walk than mine...want me to walk you home?"

Louis blushes and shakes his head "I can handle the walk. I'll be careful. I promise"

Harry nods and smiles, rocking back and forth on his heels

Louis walks forward and decides "fuck it" before getting onto his tippy toes, pressing his lips to Harry's for a moment before pulling back.

"Goodnight"

He walks away before Harry can say anything. And he waits until he's home to check the message Harry sent him

Harry: I hope you know, I'm going to start kissing you now. Goodnight Louis.

And if Louis goes to sleep in Harry's jacket, no one has to know about it


	13. IN the Light of the Moon (smut)

Louis's breath came out in short bursts, his knuckles turning white as he grips the sheets beneath him.

"Harry" his voice comes out in a whisper "please, do something"

Harry chuckles from behind him, his hands spreading Louis's cheeks, his breath fanning over Louis's entrance. "Be patient baby, I want to admire you"

Louis gulps and closes his eyes, allowing himself to feel Harry. "You're not doing anything though, I've been waiting for weeks for this-"

Louis is cut off by his own whimper when he feels Harry's tongue across his entrance.

"You whimpering is a much better sound than your constant yapping" Harry jokes, leaning back into Louis, licking around the boy's ass, his ears ringing with the sound of Louis's moans.

"More Harry." Louis groans out, burying his face into the pillow under his head

Harry pulls back and reaches into the side drawer, pulling out a bottle of lube, popping the cap open. "M gonna finger you, okay?"

Louis's stomach twists in anticipation, and he nods his head.

Harry covers his fingers with lube and puts the bottle down near his left leg, his teeth grazing his bottom lip as he watches his finger sink into Louis's ass, his eyes blowing wide with lust, his mouth going dry.

He pushes his finger in, until the edge of his ring stops him from going in further.

"God, Harry, why are you teasing me?" Louis asks breathlessly, clenching around Harry's finger. "More, please"

Harry smirks and moves his finger in and out slowly, instead of giving Louis what Harry knows he wants. "I told you to be patient."

Louis lets out a little whine, but otherwise stays quiet, biting his bottom lip to suppress the moans that want to come out of his mouth.

"Like it, love? Tell me what you want me to do" Harry whispers in Louis's ear, biting on his earlobe lightly before pulling away, making his lover squirm

"Please Harry, more...I need..." Louis pauses and gulps "I need your fingers" he whispers, looking back at Harry, his eyes glossy and his lips bitten red.

Harry licks his lips at the sight of Louis. He looks heavenly.

"I got you baby, lay back down" Harry whispers

Louis turns back around and lays his head on the pillow again, biting on his finger when Harry adds another finger into the one he already had inside of Louis.

Louis moans out softly and pushes back, matching Harry's thrusts of his fingers.

Harry smirks and curls his fingers, watching the way Louis gasps, then moans, his back arching.

"H-Harry" He gasps, clutching the sheets beneath him. "Please, I need you"

Harry bites his bottom lip and flips Louis around. "Wanna suck me off baby? Be good and earn it?"

Louis's eyes glaze over and he nods his head "Want to be good"

Harry sits back on the bed and watches Louis get onto his knees, his legs trembling

He grabs Harry's cock and runs his thumb over the head, spreading precome over it, making Harry groan and lay his head back. "C'mon baby, don't make me wait"

Louis nods his head and wraps his lips around Harry's tip, licking the precome off of it before sinking his head down, gagging when the tip of Harry's cock hits the back of his throat.

"Fuck, always so good for me, take it so well" Harry groans, threading his fingers through Louis's hair, thrusting into Louis's mouth

"You were made for this. Fuck Louis, your mouth"

Louis moans around Harry's length, his hands gripping Harry's thighs tightly.

"Fuck, I'm going to cum, I need to be inside of you, right now"

Louis pulls off of Harry's cock with a pop, licking his lips "Please, I want to see you"

Harry nods his head and lays Louis onto his back, grabbing the bottle of Lube once more, spreading it onto his cock.

Louis wraps his arms around Harry's neck when he sees the man going to grab a condom. "No..." 

Harry tilts his head in confusion.

"I...I want to feel you...All of you"

Harry smiles a bit and nods his head, putting the lube on the floor, grabbing his cock, lining it up with Louis's entrance. "You ready?"

Louis nods his head and closes his eyes, gripping the sheets. His breathing becomes ragged and his back arched in pleasure

Harry pushes in slowly, knowing Louis was in pain. "You're doing so good baby boy. Look at you, taking me so well...So tight, but can still handle it"

Louis nods his head and wipes the tears from his face, his pain slowly subsiding the longer Harry stays still, balls deep inside of him.

"Mmmh, give me a few more seconds" Louis whispers, gripping Harry's upper arm, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to relax his body.

Harry notices and licks his lips, leaning down, his lips pressing against Louis's skin, sucking and nibbling on the spot Harry knows Louis is his weakest.

Louis moans a bit and wraps his arms around Harry's neck, his body relaxing a little bit. "You can move" He whispers, pressing his own lips to Harry's shoulder

Harry moves slowly, pulling out, listening to Louis's hiss, and pushes back in slowly, their hips meeting every time Harry thrusts back in.

Eventually, Louis's hisses of pain, turn into whimpers of pleasure, his legs tightening around Harry's waist, his back arching. "God...Harry please more..."

Harry smirks and thrusts in harder, pinning Louis's hips down. "Look at me" He commands, making Louis open his eyes.

Harry is thriving in the way Louis is whimpering and moaning, all while looking at him intently, the moonlight shining through the crack in the curtains, making his eyes seem to shine a brighter blue than ever before

Harry leans down and presses his lips to Louis's, which almost catches the smaller boy off guard. Harry never kissed him during their one night stands

In any case though, Louis kisses him back and allows harry's tongue to enter his mouth.

"Tell me you want me" Harry whispers

Louis moans when Harry's tip brushes his prostate. "I want you Harry" He whimpers, dragging his nails down Harry's back, tilting his head back.

Harry attaches his lips to Louis's neck once more, his thrusts slowing down.

For the rest of the night, it's soft moans, bed creaking, and the feeling of each other. Skin against skin.

And when it was over, Louis lay in Harry's arms, finger tracing the moth tattoo on his stomach.

"You kissed me" Louis whispers, looking up at Harry, who was already looking down at him.

"I'm sorry"

Louis shakes his head and props himself up on his elbow. "I wanted you too..."

Harry shifts a bit, so he's looking at Louis properly, "I wanted to kiss you..."

Louis leans down and presses his lips to Harry's, moving them softly and slowly, stirring something inside of Louis's stomach. Something he knew wasn't lust.

He pulls back and Louis sees something fill Harry's eyes.

"I want you Louis."

"You just had me" Louis says, voice shaky, because he's not sure if Harry means what he wants him to mean.

"No...I want you to be mine...I want to...take you out on dates." He sits up with a smile "I want to kiss you, hold your hand, cuddle you. I want you..."

Louis smiles and nods his head "I want you too...Have for a while now"

Harry smiles and wraps his arms around Louis, laying the both back down on the bed, allowing the moon to blanket them in it's light.

"Au clair de la lune, je vous demande d'être à moi." Harry whispers.

Louis tears up. "Yes"


	14. Whispers of Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be cautious reading [: much love

It was supposed to be lovely, the way Harry held Louis on the night of their annaversarry. It was supposed to be a magical night, filled with love and laughter. It wasn;t supposed to be Harry holding Louis in his hospital bed, while the blue eyed angel cries into his lovers shirt, hearing the news of his Ischemic heart disease.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Tomlinson." The doctor says solomenly, looking at Harry, who can't focus on anything but the boy in his arms, trembling and scared.

"I...I don't want to die" Louis whispers, looking up at Harry, his lip trembling and his eyes watery with tears. "We're supposed to be together forever, we're supposed to travel the world together" he hiccups, his sobs becoming louder. "We're supposed to tell our kids stories of us..."

Harry's tears leak from his own eyes, his heart breaking more and more with every word his lover is saying to him.

"We can...We can do all of that, you aren't going to leave me now are you?" Harry whispers, running his fingers through Louis's hair, gulping down his own fears, because right now, Louis needed him the most.

"I don't wanna leave you" Louis whimpers, hiding himself back in Harry's chest, while Harry faces the doctor and mouths "how long"

The doctor holds up three fingers.

"years?" Harry mouths

The doctor shakes his head "months"

Harry nods his head and swallows the lump in his throat, rubbing Louis's back softly. "We're going to be okay darling, nothing is ever going to take you away from me, okay?"

Louis looks up at Harry again, and though he can see the pain in Harry's eyes, he nods his head "Forever, you and me"

...

Harry's careful when he sets Louis down on the bed, careful not to jostle him around, because Louis is becoming weaker, and Harry hates the way Louis cries when he coughs.

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Harry asks, running his fingers over Louis's cheek, watching the way his lover's eyes flutter shut, and a sall smile makes it's way onto his face.

"I'm okay for now, just want you"

Harry nods his head and gently lays in bed next to louis, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, his heart breaking at the way Louis winces at any movement, gripping his chest, trying not to cough.

"Am I hurting you?" Harry asks, going to move his arms away, but Louis grabs them and keeps them wrapped around himself, his body trembling.

"I don't care about the pain, I need you to hold me, Harry" Louis says, his voice breaking a few times. "please, just hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay"

Harry nods his head and presses his face into Louis's neck, tears forming in his eyes, but he wont let them fall, not right now, not when Louis needs him the most. "Everything is going to be okay, We're okay, I'm here, you're here" Harry's voice is thick with emotion "And I'm not letting you go"

Louis rests his hand on Harry's head and runs his fingers through Harry's hair, his heartbeat fast and erratic. "I love you"

Harry nods his head and presses a soft kiss to Louis's neck "I love you too"

...

"We're glad we could all make it, just like old times yeah?" Niall laughs lightly, trying to diffuse the tense atmosphere of the room.

"yeah, it's good to see you both again" Liam smiles, his hand resting on Louis's, his gaze on Harry, who's looking at Louis with caring eyes, and a pained smile.

"Hey haz, can you come help me with the stuff I brought from my car?" Niall asks, placing his beer on the table before standing up and stretching.

"I...I don't wanna leave Lou" Harry says, looking at Louis with worried eyes.

"Go" Louis smiles, looking at Niall with a knowing look. He knows Harry needs to cry, but wont do it in front of him.

Harry nods, and reluctantly stands up and walks Niall out of the home, to the car, where Harry sees nothing. "Niall?"

And now Niall is hugging him, crying softly. "I needed to get you out here alone" He whimpers, tightening his hold on Harry

Harry wraps his arms around Niall and lets himself cry. "I don't know what to do Niall" He hiccups. "I'm losing the love of my life."

Niall presses his face into Harry's shoulder and lets a sob out. "What are we gonna do! Three months isn't a long enough time Harry"

"We're supposed to get married, have kids, im supposed to be the one who's with him always, I fucking hate that I can't do anything for him Niall" Harry whispers, arms going lax at his sides. "Im useless"

Niall pulls back and cups Harry's face, wiping the tears that are falling. "You're not useless Harry, you're taking care of him, you're still here, and that's so much more than most people can ever say"

Harry looks at the house and shakes his head "I don't want to loose him Niall, I don't know what I'll do, who I'll become...I'm...I'm scared"

Niall pulls Harry into his arms again, hugging him tight. "We're all going to loose a part of ourselves when we loose Louis, but we're all gonna be here to piece each other back together, we wont let you fall"

Harry hold onto Niall like he's his lifeline and sobs, letting all of the emotions he's been keeping at bay out.

It takes a few minutes, but Harry calms down and wipes his face, taking a few deep breaths. "Okay, let's go back in, I need...I need to be with him"

Niall nods his head and takes Harry's hand, leading him back into the house.

Harry makes his way back over to Louis, who looks very tired. "hey" He smiles, sitting down next to him."

Louis leans into Harry and sighs softly "feeling better?" He whispers, looking up at Harry with knowing eyes.

Harry smiles softly and presses his lips to Louis's forehead. "I'm with you, I'm always okay with you"

Louis closes his eyes and lets out a breath, relieving the pressure on his heart a bit. "me too..."

"Lou, you look tired, you want us to come back tomorrow?" Liam asks, tilting his head a bit

Louis opens his eyes and gives Liam a kind smile "I want you guys to stay, you cal sleep here"

Niall smiles and quickly wipes his cheeks.

Liam nods his head and pats Louis's hand. "We'll leave you to it then, don't want to keep you up"

Louis nods his head and looks at Harry "Take me to bed?"

Harry nods and helps Louis up, steadying him when he sees Louis wincing, placing a hand to his lower rib. "I'm okay, come on"

Harry bids goodnight to his two other friends, and takes Louis into the bedroom, laying him down on their bed, making sure Louis is propped up, so he'll be able to breathe while he sleeps. "Good? Do you want a glass of water?"

Louis shakes his head "Just you"

Harryflicks the light off, opening the curtians the way he knows Louis likes them, so he can see the moonlight filtering in when the moon is at it's highest.

"Come on" Louis whispers "I want to be held"

Harry climbs into the bed and smiles softly, carefully pulling Louis to his chest.

"Can you sing to me?" Louis whispers, resting his head on Harry's chest, eyes reflecting the moon shining through the window.

Harry runs his fingers through Louis's hair and licks his lips. "What do you want me to sing?"

Louis smiles "Our song"

Harry smiles "Want me to get the guitar?"

Louis shakes his head "Just your voice"

Harry nods his head and looks up at the ceiling, grabbing Louis's hand "Your hand fits in mine, like it's made just for me, but bare this in mind, it was, meant to be"

Louis's eyes fill with tears when harry's finger traces his cheeks. "And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks"

Harry pauses for a second, letting out a shaky breath "And it all makes sense to me"

Louis sniffs and looks up at Harry, who's already looking at him "And I wont let these little things, slip, out of my mouth. But if I do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to, I'm in love with you and all these little things"

"I love you"

"Always and forever"

-One Month-

Louis covers his mouth as he lets out a cough, his heart squeezing painfully. "Fuck" he mutters, reaching for the glass next to him, not being able to lift it for very long before he spills it all over himself.

Harry walks into the room and rushes over, taking the glass from Louis's lap, removing the wet blankets from on top of him. "Why didn't you call me?"

Louis shakes his head "I thought I could do it myself"

Harry grabs some dry clothes for Louis. It's silent while Harry changes him, pressing a kiss to his forehead before moving him to the couch in the corner of the room so he could change the bedsheets.

Louis watches Harry, noticing how lethargic his movements are. And Louis truly feels bad for Harry.

Harry moves Louis back to the bed when he's done, smiling slightly at Louis with tired eyes. "If you need anything else, I want you to call me okay?"

Louis grabs Harry's hand and smiles a bit, his lip quivering. "You should go home Harry, Anne misses you, and I'll be okay here with carla for a few days alone."

Harry's face falls and he shakes his head "No, mum knows you're important to me, she understands"

Louis shakes his head and grips Harry's arm. "You're tired Harry, I know you're trying to be strong for me" Louis pauses to catch his breath. "But I'll be okay, go visit your mum"

Harry looks at Louis, his eyes filled with sorrow. "Please Louis, I know something's gonna happen if I leave"

Louis coughs and shakes his head. "Nothing is going to happen, and you'll be back in a few days"

Harry shakes his head "No, I'm not leaving your side okay? I promise I'll call her, facetime her even, but I am not leaving your side"

Louis sighs softly but nods his head "okay fine..."

And Harry really does wish he left to see his mum, so he wouldn't have had to see what happened that night.

...

Harry wakes up to Louis's nails digging into his arm.

He sits up and notices Louis's throat is enlarged, and his heart is beating hard and fast, not good with the illness Louis has.

"Baby" Harry says worridly, removing the blankets from on top of Louis, "Oh shit, Louis, breathe" Harry says, yelling at Carla to call 999.

Louis gasps, his eyes frantic, trying to search for air, his heart squeezing painfully.

"Shit" Harry curses, shaking his head, sitting Louis up "You're not leaving me! They said you had three months, it hasn't even been two yet!" Harry yells, tears streaming down his face "Breathe!"

Louis can hear Harry, but it sounds like he's underwater. He can see Harry, but only faintly. "H-Harry"

Harry shakes his head "Breathe!"

"I love you"

"No, Don't, you're not going anywhere right!? you promised me it was us forever!" Harry yells

Louis siles softly and his eyes fill with tears, just as his lungs fill with blood, the main nerve connecting his heart and nervous system bursing.

Harry feels the moment Louis life leaves his body. He can tell because Louis gets a little heavier, and he isn't trying to breathe anymore.

"No" Harry says "No, Louis"

Harry lays Louis on the bed and feels for a pulse he knows he will not find. "Louis, you're not dead" He whimpers "You...No"

Carla places her hand on Harry's shoulder, making him look at her. She's crying and shaking her head. "I'm so sorry Harry"

Harry laughs through his tears. "Wh-What are you sorry for? He's, He's not dead"

Carla shakes her head and rushes to the door when she hears banging on it.

Harry leans down and places his lips on Louis's. "Come on, I know you didn't leave me" He whispers, trembling.

Harry feels a hand on his back, he turns around, Carla is standing there, peramedics by her side. "You need to let go"

Harry shakes his head "I...I can't"

Carla pulls him from the bed and into her arms "You have to"

Harry breaks down on her shoulder, screaming at the paramedics when they take Louis away in a body bag, screaming at them that he's not dead.

Carla holds Harry until he falls asleep. Because it's all she really can do.


	15. Chocolate Apologies (smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Top Louis again

Arguments are never fun in the Tomlinson-Styles home. Harry gets pissy and hurt, and Louis gets frustrated and annoyed, inevitably leaving Harry to his own devices for a while. 

But tonight, it was something different. Harry swears he's never been so mad at his husband. 

"I can't believe you would do that without telling me, you asshole" He says, pinching the bridge of his nose, jerking away when Louis tries to grab him. "A strip club, and are you gonna use the excuse of you being too drunk to push the slut off of you?!"

Louis shakes his head "If you would let me explain, maybe you can see my side-"

"No!" Harry cuts him off, looking at him with angry and hurt eyes. "No, I don't want to 'hear your side', you shouldn't have been there, and I shouldn't have had to find you with someone who's not me, all over you"

Louis's eyes are tired and he shakes his head "Harry, I promise you, it was not what you think it was"

"It's what they all say isn't it?" Harry mumbles, feeling weak and tired.

Louis shakes his head again "Just let me explain please"

Harry crosses his arms, nodding his head, but making sure to keep distance from Louis, because he knows if he takes one look into those ocean eyes, whatever Louis says will be enough to make him stay.

"I was there, with Liam and Niall yes, and I was drunk, but when you found that girl on me, she was passed out, she came with Niall, I was trying to help her get to him" 

Harry narrows his eyes "Of every excuse in the book, that's the best one you can give me?"

Louis pulls out his phone, confusing Harry. He unlocks it and hands it to Harry. "Go through anything you want. Call Niall, ask him..." 

Harry looks at the phone and shakes his head. "I'll call him on my own phone. But you should find somewhere else to sleep tonight..Or you can stay here and I will" 

Louis's face sags "Harry, please don't do this to me" he whispers, pushing his phone into Harry's hand. "Look, there's nothing there, please. I would never cheat on you, I wouldn't want anyone else but you. I can't lose you"

Harry frowns. "I'm sorry, Louis I just, I can't be here tonight with you" 

Louis looks down and nods his head, his heart clenching painfully in his chest. "Okay..." 

Harry takes a deep breath and walks away from Louis, into the bedroom to grab a few things to take into an overnight bag. 

Louis is on the couch with a beer in his hand when Harry leaves. And it sucks, because Harry knows if Louis would have tried to stop him, he would have stayed.

...

Harry arrives home the next day, and Louis is no where to be seen, which makes him deflate a little, but he sees a paper on the counter, so he drops his bag by the door and walks over to it, picking it up.

Harry, 

I had to go somewhere really quick, but it's a good thing, because it gives me time before you find my surprise. See that little chocolate on the counter? There are more spread throughout the house. 50 of them to be exact.   
Find them all, and then text me when you have yeah? I promise you won't regret it. 

Harry looks at the heart shaped chocolate on the counter, his cheeks heating up at the sight. 50 was a lot, but Harry knew he could find them all.

He walks around the kitchen counter, opening the cabinets, finding one, along with another note in his favorite mug 

So i remember the day we first met, I was a shy little kid, and you were even shier. I asked you if I could swing with you, and you blushed and nodded your head, your pretty curls hiding your eyes. And even though I didn't know what love was at age 8, i knew i loved you.

Harry smiles and folds the note back, putting it into his back pocket, looking around in other cabinets, finding two in the freezer, along with another note 

do you remember junior high prom? I asked you to go with me, and you said no because you were scared of what everyone was going to think. I remember it hurting, but when i finally got you to say yes, i felt like i was on cloud nine. Holding you through that dance, the feeling of having your hand in mine, is something I'll never be able to compare anything else to. you felt like forever, and you still do. 

His heart leaps in his chest, and he to, puts that one in his pocket and keeps rummaging around, finding around 10 more in the kitchen, notes attached to all of them, making him tear up, and making his heart swell for the man he loves.

He's in the living room now, finding on between the cushions

I remember our first kiss. I marked it on the calendar as soon as I got home. It was one of the best days of my life. Because not only did I get to kiss the love of my life, I got to call him mine as well. I love you Harry, nothing is ever going to make me stop.

Harry wipes his cheeks and puts the note in his pocket. "I love you too Louis" He whispers to the empty room. 

30 minutes later, Harry is looking for the final piece, searching around the bedroom, because he's searched every other room, and it was no where to be found. He sits on his knees for a bit before taking a breath an reaching under the bed, grabbing the small box filled with pictures and diary entries from when Louis and Harry had broken up. 

He opens the box and finds the box that held the ring that's now on his finger. that wasn't in there before, so he opens it and finds the last one. He sees a blue paper folded up and grabs it, opening it and reading it. 

I'm kind of hoping you'll find this one last, and if you don't then this will be a little bit awkward, because im writing this letter to be the last and longest one. 

I love you Harry Styles. I love you and I'm never going to stop loving you. You're the only person I ever see, we could be surrounded by the sexiest people in the world, but you're the only one I would get down on one knee for. I know I screwed up, but i can swear on my life that I never cheated on you. I just should have never gone to the club with Niall and Liam. And I'm so genuinely sorry for that. I can promise you it will never happen again. Please meet me at the spot we had our first kiss yeah? I have something for you. 

Harry folds the note and holds it to his chest and sighs softly, looking at his ring and smiling before grabbing his phone, texting Louis he's on his way, then leaving. 

...

Louis's heart races when he sees Harry walking towards him

"Harry, look I want to-"

But Harry wraps his arms around Louis's neck and presses his lips to Louis's, effectively cutting off whatever Louis was going to say. 

Louis wraps his arms around Harry and kisses him back, tilting his head a little bit to gain the perfect angle. 

Harry pulls back when they're both breathless and gives a small giggle at Louis's facial expression, a mix of love, confusion, and lust.

"What was that?" Louis whispers, his grip on Harry's hips tightening slightly, looking him straight in the eye. 

"I love you, Louis. And I should have trusted you when you said nothing happened. I'm just always worried about it you know? People are so much prettier and sexier than me" Harry blushes "I'm just worried your eye's gonna catch one of them" 

Louis leans in and kisses Harry again, hard. "How many times do I have to tell you that you're the only person I see?" He whispers, pulling Harry impossibly closer. "Do I have to show you?" He asks, into Harry's ear

Harry really likes where this is going, so he nods his head and grips Louis's hand in his. "let's go home"

...

It's heated, Louis's mouth is pressed to Harry's as soon as the door to their apartment closes, and they're alone. 

Louis really can't help himself. His hands are all over Harry's body, and he's dragging the boy into their shared bedroom, pushing him back onto the bed.

Harry lets out a breath and unbuttons his shirt, pulling it off while Louis works on his pants, making Harry squeak when he sees just how perfect his husband is.

"God, I love you so much Harry" Louis whispers, tugging Harry's joggers down, his hands running over Harry's thighs, loving the feeling. Content, the feeling of home. 

Harry's breathing turns shallow and his hands grip Louis's shoulders. "I...I wanna, um..."

Louis looks into Harry's eyes, a fire seeming to be ignited in them. "What, love? Tell me what you want"

Harry takes a deep breath and looks straight into Louis's eyes "I want to ride you"

Louis nearly cums

"Yeah, fuck. Yeah I want that" He whispers, switching their positions. 

Harry gulps and hooks his fingers under the band of Louis's boxers, tugging them down Louis's legs. 

"Fuck" Harry whispers, seeing Louis's half hard on spring free, making his mouth water. 

Harry wraps his hand around Louis's cock, pumping his hand up and down a few times before he leans in and presses a kiss to Louis's tip, taking him in his mouth soon after. 

Louis hisses and tangles his hand in Harry's hair, giving it a small pull. "fuck, Harry...Your mouth" 

Harry pops off and looks up at Louis. "Want you to fuck my mouth" 

Louis moans and nods his head, gripping Harry's hair tighter, thrusting his cock into Harry's mouth, moaning every time he feels the tip hit the back of Harry's throat. "Shit, always so good for me, aren't you? You're so fucking perfect"

Harry pulls off and looks at Louis, smirking a little bit. "M all ready, you know. Gonna ride you" 

Louis nods his head and brings harry close to him, leaning over to grab the lube, he spreads some on his fingers and reaches behind harry, circling his rim before pushing his finger in, making harry give a soft moan, and rest his head on Louis's shoulder. 

Louis adds another and after a while, he has three fingers inside of Harry, opening him up. "Shit baby, you always feel so good" He whispers. 

Harry nods his head and licks his lips. "m ready"

Louis removes his fingers and nods, watching Harry situate himself before the boy is sinking down onto his cock slowly, making Louis grit his teeth and grip Harry's waist.

Harry gives a soft moan when he's fully seated on his husband's cock, waiting for a second before he moves his hips a little, grinding on Louis's cock. 

Louis hisses and bites Harry's shoulder, sucking a love bite into the skin.

Harry moans and moves up and down, his ass hitting Louis's lap everytime, making them both moan.

Louis can only take so much. "Shit, Harry, fuck, I can't"

Harry's confused, until Louis flips their position again and starts fucking into him.

Harry throws his head back and lets out a groan that fills the apartment. "shit, Louis, faster"

Louis grunts and picks up the pace, smirking when a certain thrust makes Harry's face contort and his back arch. "shit, Louis, there"

Louis smirks and continues thrusting slowly into Harry's prostate. 

"Oh god, Louis, I'm going to come" 

Louis smirks and thrusts harder, grabbing Harry's cock in his hand. "Cum"

Harry's whole body shakes with the intensity, and Louis's is cumming inside of Harry a minute later. 

Louis pulls out and flops down next to his lover, placing Harry's hand on his chest. "This..." He looks into Harry's eyes "Only beats for you"

Harry blushes and rests his head on Louis's chest. "I love you" he whispers 

"I love you more. my dove."


	16. Partners in Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of Drug Use. Read with Caution [: Much love!

Louis's eyes are glassy when he looks over to Harry, small giggles and hiccups falling from his lips. He seems so fucking happy. But the tears falling from his eyes, are dead giveaways he's anything but. 

Harry's too fucked up to notice, quite honestly. The end of a rolled up paper shoved up one nostril, the little white line on the table disappearing as he snorted.

Harry leans back in his chair and looks over at Louis, his hand coming up to brush Louis's tears away, a little giggle falling from his lips. 

"You look pretty. All stung out on coke" 

Louis pushes Harry's hand away and giggles, before looking serious. "It's not funny"

Harry smiles "But, it wasn't a joke" 

Louis giggles and shakes his head when Harry hands him the rolled up paper. Declining the offer of more drugs. 

Harry shrugs and leans back down, taking more for himself. 

...

Louis is nodding off in the corner chair. His mouth open slightly, drool coming out involuntarily, his head falling down, then jerking up when he realizes. 

"I wanna go home" He slurs, gripping the edge of Harry's shirt, his delicate little fingers gripping the fabric, his eyes so bright and blue, his pupils dilated.

Harry nods his head and smiles a little bit, standing up, his head spinning a little bit. "C'mon" 

Louis shakes his head and sniffs, looking up at Harry "Carry me please" he slurs, putting his arms up.

Harry giggles and nods, picking the smaller boy up, holding him close. "I got you" 

...

When they're home, Harry takes Louis to the bathroom and turns the shower water on, Louis giggling, getting in fully clothed, sitting on the bathtub floor. 

Harry laughs and peels Louis's soaked clothes off of his body, placing them on the floor next to the tub, pressing kisses to the boys's naked shoulder, his teeth grazing Louis's dewy skin.

Louis leans his head back, his head becoming less hazy, and his consciousness coming back to him a bit. "Harry" he whispers, his eyes drooping 

"we should get out...while we still can" 

Harry furrows his eyebrows and presses a kiss to Louis's temple. "Shh, let me wash you, and we can go cuddle in bed" 

Louis closes his eyes and gets lost in the feeling of Harry's hands roaming over his body, cleaning him up. 

...

The two of them are in bed now, and Louis's breathing is slow and soft, but his eyes are still wide open. 

"love it when we're like this."

Harry lets out a breath and nods his head. "I know...I miss you, miss us"

Louis shakes his head "No you don't. You don't have to lie to me"

Harry stays quiet, because he truly doesn't know what to say. Because in some sense, Louis was right. Harry never liked relationships, the whole reason he left Louis the first time, is because he felt suffocated, like Louis was tying him down.

So he just pulls his boy closer, and presses a kiss to his head. "You just wanted me safe"

Louis is asleep though, his face pressed into Harry's chest.

...

Louis awakes the next morning when a loud banging is heard at the door. He sits up in bed and shakes Harry awake. "Haz" 

The door is pounded again, making Louis squeak, and Harry jerk up in bed 

Voices are heard in the home, and the bedroom door is quickly opened and Louis screams a little bit. 

"On the ground, hands where we can see them!" 

Louis gasps and puts his hands up, getting on his knees on the bed, watching Harry, who's doing the same. 

"What the fuck is going on?" Harry asks, grunting when the men put handcuffs on him, his eyes going to Louis, who whimpers when the men grab him a bit too roughly 

"Hey! Hey fuckhead! Don't fucking grab him like that!" Harry yells, his face twisting when they put handcuffs on Louis as well

"You're both under arrest for the use of illegal substances over 10 grams"

Harry curses, and Louis looks over at him, his eyes full of tears, before they're taken away and separated. 

and well, Harry never saw Louis again after that, Not for a long time. 

-

-

-

-

"Shit" Harry mumbles, bending down to pick up his keys, he was already running late, and he was still 6 floors down from where he was supposed to be. 

He looks up and he's quite shaken up when he sees a boy struggling to open the doors to the stairway, multiple bags in his hands

and no, it couldn't be. Louis moved. He's not here. 

Harry tried calling, texting, everything. Louis never made it back home when they made it out of their cages. 

He still sees Louis's ghost sometimes. 

He pulls out his phone and his thumb hovers over the call button, he presses the phone to his ear, and of course. It goes to voicemail 

"I'm late to a party, of an old family friend...I was um, looking for parking, thought I saw you again. You couldn't look any more than a lover....I said you look pretty, all strung out on coke, you said it's not funny, but it wasn't a joke. Call me. Please" 

He puts the phone in his pocket and looks up, and staring back at him are those blue eyes.


	17. Walking Away was Always Hard

indifferent, nonaligned, unattached, uninvolved. Whatever, they were only words getting lost in the wind to Louis. Curling around him, but never really penetrating his thoughts, because quite frankly, Louis couldn't care less about what these imbeciles had to say about him.

Truth be told he could be a little livelier, this is his part after all. (however it's celebrating his departure from the only thing that matters the most in his life. Though no one seems to care about that minuscule fact)

"Come on, Louis, it's not that bad. Would it kill you to smile just a little bit?"

Louis thinks about it. Physically, Literally, no, it wouldn't. However emotionally, mentally, yes it would. His lips stretching into something he's not feeling, the pain of his cheeks, reminding him that he's not fucking happy. And he hasn't been for quite some time now

"Why should I, no one is here for me anyway, they're here for the gift bags filled with Rolex watches and diamond earrings"

Jay looks at her son with a tilt of her head and then places her hand on his shoulder, frown getting deeper when Louis shrugs it off, stepping away from her.

"Despite what you think, we all care about you"

"Right" Louis thinks, looking at his mother, studying the way her body becomes stiff, and her wrinkles deepen at the way Louis is looking at her.

"I know" is all he responds with, gripping his champagne glass a little tighter, forcing the sea of rage in his mind to calm down, before he ruins his mothers (or his, whatever) party.

"Alright" Jay mumbles softly, pressing a quick kiss to Louis's head, walking away to greet the people who have just arrived,

A storm is something Louis would use to describe his current mood.

Revolting, vulgar, offensive. The way he really would like to shove the giant cake with the words "Have Fun, Louis" written on them, down the mayors pants, for looking at him with a smirk on his face, a smirk that says "I've won, and there's nothing you can do about it"

Louis despises him. Completely and utterly.

"So, you're leaving then?"

Fuck. Louis didn't want to have to face him tonight. Break his heart, like he's done too many times before.

"Louis, I'm talking to you"

Louis turns around, and his eyes are met with milky skin, and big green eyes, looking at him, looking for answers Louis can't give him.

"Yeah" fuck his voice for breaking, and his face for softening. "Yeah, I'm leaving"

Harry's face droops, sags just a bit more, and it fucking kills Louis, because this boy is everything to him. And he's 'oh so willingly' leaving him behind.

"I'll miss you"

Louis steps forward and puts his glass down, cupping Harry's face in his hands, making the younger boy look at him. "Stop, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Say it like we'll never see each other again. Like I'm leaving because I want to"

Harry closes his eyes and lets out a little whimper, breaking Louis's heart even more (he didn't think it was possible, but Harry has a way of making everything possible)

"I don't want you to go" Harry says, his voice thick with emotion, his eyes still closed, which Louis is slightly thankful for, because he's afraid he'll lose himself if he sees Harry's teary eyes.

"I don't want to go either" He whispers, resting his forehead against Harry's "trust me, the last thing I'd ever want to do, is leave the one who inspires me to be a better person."

Harry gives a small laugh, but Louis takes it as a victory.

"I lov-"

"Louis! Lad"

Shit. Shit fuck fuck fuck bitch shit. Louis hates this man, he really fucking does. 

"go away, I'll talk to you later, I'm busy"

The man recoils and looks at Harry with a glare. "Fine.."

Harry looks back up at Louis and sucks in a breath "I love you...please don't go"

Louis sighs softly and rests his forehead against Harry's again "I Don't want to...but you know I have to"

"Walking away has always been the hardest" Harry whimpers, pressing his lips to Louis's chin

Louis sighs softly and lifts Harry's chin, pressing his lips to Harry's "I'll be back"


	18. CEO of your ass, darling (smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Re-reading this chapter title, oh my god

Harry styles was sitting at his desk, his hands folded in front of him, a stack of papers on his desk, and a pretty brunette on his knees under his desk

His face fought not to contort into the pleasure his small boy was making him feel, for there was a client in the chair in front of him, and well, to say he'd come in at the wrong time would be a bit of an understatement.

"And I think it would be an amazing investment. I would only need a couple thousand dollars every month. And you could have 10 percent"

Harry clenches his fists when louis hollows his mouth, taking him in all the way. "10 would not pay back the money I would be lending you every month. 25 sounds better"

The client is silent, and harry clears his throat, because if you listened hard enough, you could hear louis gagging on Harry's cock

"25 is q-quite a lot"

Harry nods "yes, well. Its 25 or nothing, so, if you dont want it, leave"

The client is nearly sweating now "I'll go see if anyone else...um will offer, can I come back?"

Harry smiles and shakes his head "no. Leave"

The client nods his head and grabs his bag, licking his lips and looking like he wants to say something, but shakes his head and then smiles shakily "thank you for your time mr styles"

Louis hollows his cheeks and presses his tongue flat against Harry's cock, making the ceo clench his fists

"Yes, thanks for waiting my time. Leave"

The client does as told and Harry leans back in his chair, tangling his fingers in Louis's hair, pulling on it while a deep groan leaves his mouth

"Get up, wanna fuck you"

Louis pops off and wipes his mouth, looking up at Harry with a smile "fuck me against your desk?"

Harry nods his head with a smirk "or you can ride me. I dont mind"

Louis gets out from under the desk and walks over to the door, locking it then walking back over to Harry "I want to be on top"

Harry bites his lip and nods his head, smirking a bit when Louis gets on his lap, trying to position himself to where he isnt going to fall off of the desk chair.

"Want to move to the couch?" Harry asks, then hisses when louis grips onto his shoulders and grinds his hips a bit.

"No" louis whispers, pressing his lips to Harry's hotly, fumbling with the button of his shorts, pulling them down as far as they could go given their position.

Harry groans a little bit and pulls back "pink lace?"

Louis smiles and sighs, getting off of Harry, pulling his shorts all the way down, spinning around for his boyfriend,

"Shit" harry groans, wrapping his hand around himself.

"No" louis says, slapping Harry's hand away. M gonna fuck myself on your cock, unless you'd rather your hand do the job"

"Shit, hurry up then" harry says, putting his hands behind his head.

"Know what? I think we should go to the couch" Louis says, pulling harry up.

"Hmm, maybe"

Louis pushes harry back on the couch and hooks his thumbs under the band of the panties he's wearing and bites his bottom lip, pulling them down slowly, watching the way Harry's eyes focus in on his cock, and his mouth relaxes a little.

Louis climbs back onto Harry's lap, and let's out a little breath when his cock rubs against Harry's

"Fuck, lou" harry whispers, gripping Louis's waist, his mouth pressed against Louis's neck.

Louis pulls back and gives Harry's cock a few tugs before getting on his knees once more, lining harry up with his entrance before sinking down slowly

Harry closes his eyes and leans his head back, his mind clouding with the feeling of louis clenching around him. "Fuck, baby. You feel so good"

Louis grunts and hes gripping Harry's shoulders by the time hes sunk all the way down, his nails leaving little crescent shapes in Harry's skin.

The room is nearly silent, the only noises being heard are the panting of both men.

Louis starts moving his hips in figure eight motions and moans a little bit, clenching around Harry, which has the man below him groaning quietly.

"Fuck" Louis whispers, going up and down on Harry's cock, clenching every so often, his thighs shaking a bit.

"Oh god" louis moans quietly, moving a bit faster, the sounds of his ass moving up and down Harry's cock only making him harder. "Shit. Harry please,"

Harry let's out another grunt and grips Louis's hips tighter "what, baby? Tell me what you want"

Louis continues riding Harry's dick like his life depends on it and moans louder "fuck me, harry. Just fuck me, make me scream, want everyone in this fucking office to know I'm yours"

Harry smirks and with one movement is over louis, thrusting into him.

Louis let's out a whimper and hooks his ankles together behind Harry's back, his arms above his head

"This what you wanted, baby?" Harry whispers into Louis's ear, snapping his hips against Louis's, the tip of his cock brushing Louis's prostate. Making the smaller boy arch his back and let out a filthy moan

"Shit, Louis. Seem like no matter how much I fuck you" harry punctuates each word with a thrust of his hips "you stay tight for me, for my cock"

Louis moans again and nods his head "crave it, daddy" he whimpers when Harry's thrusts go harder after he says the word

"Want your cock in me every day. Dripping with your cum so I know exactly who I belong to" he moans, dragging his nails down Harry's back.

"Oh fuck" harry groans, biting down on Louis neck, sucking the skin until a deep purple bruise is left

"Oh god. Harry, I'm gonna fucking cum, please fuck..." louis moans, thrusting his hips along with Harry's, creating the perfect friction.

"Fuck louis, I'm gonna fucking fill you with my babies I swear to fucking god"

Louis knows its impossible. But it makes him blush, and his stomach twist in the most perfect way.

"Gonna fill you up so fucking good" harry moans, his hips stuttering with his orgasm

The feeling of Harry's cum inside of him is enough to make louis cum untouched, clenching around Harry's softening cock.

"Fuck, harry I love you" louis whimpers, biting Harry's shoulder 

"God, louis. I love you so fucking much"

Harry pulls out of louis and sits up on the couch breathless. "Fuck, that was so good"

Louis nods his head and places a hand on his stomach. "Yeah...think your babies are in there yet?" Louis teases.

Harry laughs "shut up and kiss me"


	19. So Far Away

Louis lay on his bed with his head propped in his hand, computer open in front of him, Skype pulled up and waiting to be used.

Harry would be on in a few minutes, and Louis was feeling low today. Very upset because he hasnt talked to his boyfriend in over a month.

Said boyfriend has also been going on a lot of fake dates with his beard.

A ringing interrupts Louis's thoughts and he presses accept on the incoming video call.

His eyes were already watery, but they fall down his face when he sees harry on screen.

Harry's face morphs into sadness and he reaches his hand out, almost as if hes trying to reach Louis through the screen. "Baby please dont cry" he whispers

Louis smiles a little bit, wiping his face "I'm not. I...I just missed you. How are you doing"

Harry frowns and wipes his own face "I'm alright. Tired. Stressed. The usual...how are you?"

Louis's smiles falters, and his bottom lip trembles "not ok"

Harry's frown deepens. "What's wrong"

Louis shakes his head and covers his eyes, his shoulders shaking and his breathing becoming erratic

"I cant do this Harry. I cant live like this anymore I just..." he moves his hands from his eyes and looks at Harry through the screen "it hurts too much. I'm breaking down every night and I'm so fucking lonely. I miss you ever second but it seems like I'm always last priority on your list" 

Harry shakes his head "no no no. That's not true. I love you so much, you're always on my mind"

Louis looks down and sniffs, wiping his cheeks "yeah."

Harry furrows his eyebrows and stays silent, letting louis gather his thoughts. "This is hard, harry...I dont want to do this anymore...I cant"

Harry shakes his head and gulps "louis, c'mon, we can do this, we can make it"

Louis shakes his head "I'm sorry...i have to go"

Harry reaches out again. "Louis please, baby, please"

Louis closes his eyes "bye" and then ends the call, letting out a choked sob

Zayn opens his room door, arms open.

Louis looks up and let's out a few chocked out cries "I love him...but I cant"

Zayn nods "cmere"

Louis gets out of bed and rushes into his best friends arms, his shoulders shaking, zayns shirt getting wet with Louis's tears. "I dont want it to hurt anymore. But it hurts even more than before"

Zayn nods "I know...its gonna hurt for a while..."

Louis buries his head in zayns chest and cries until he cant breathe.

"Lou. Please" zayn whispers "it hurts me to see you like this, I need you to calm down and take a deep breath"

Louis is shaking but he manages to inhale and then exhale, shakily but he is calming down

"I dont think you should let him go"

Louis shakes his head. "I have to. I cant keep living like this. My heart...cant handle it"

Zayn doesnt say anything, he just holds louis and let's him mourn. 

•••A week passes•••

Louis is sitting on the couch eating a spoonful of ice cream when he sees news of Harry and his beards "breakup"

He licks his lips and picks up his phone. His eyes wandering to the messages still unopened. Over 200 of them

He shuts his phone off again and curls into himself.

"Hey, I'm picking up a friend from the airport, wanna come?"

Louis shakes his head and focuses on his show, sniffing and taking another spoonful of icecream

"Okay, I'll be back soon chop suey"

Louis smiles a little bit and nods his head "is your friend coming here? I need to change and shower. I smell"

Zayn laughs a little "yeah, they're coming here. I'll take him for late lunch to give you extra time"

Louis nods his head "thanks."

Zayn nods and grabs his keys, walking out of the apartment door.

Louis gathers the stuff off of the couch and puts all of the wrappers and ice cream pint cartons in the trash before taking his blanket to his room and throwing it in the hamper

He grabs his shower stuff and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him before stripping his clothes and turning the water on, waiting until the bathroom was steamed up before stepping in.

He let's his shoulders relax, the hot water streaming down his body. The first shower hes taken in a week. And he already feels much better.

Until he reaches for his shampoo, because its Harry's shampoo and he starts crying all over again.

He pulls himself together and finishes his shower, sighing softly when he hears Zayn talking and then the front door closing.

Louis dries his hair and he has most of his clothes on when he hears another voice

"Wheres lou...do you think he wants to see me?"

Louis covers his mouth and looks at himself in the mirror before throwing the bathroom door open, then running into the living room, letting out a whimper when he sees Harry standing in the livingroom, suitcases by his feet

Both zayn and Harry look over when they hear louis whimper, and Harry's face morphs into sadness mixed with adoration

"Lou...baby" harry whispers

Louis covers his mouth again, not sure if he's breathing right now. Tears are falling down his face and Harry steps forward.

"Um...I'm sorry if you dont wanna see me, I can leave."

"No!" Louis shouts, shaking his head "i dont...no i don't want you to fucking...to fucking leave me"

Harry gulps and places his arms around Louis carefully

But louis latches on, gripping the back of Harry's shirt as a choked sob makes it's way out of his mouth "oh god...harry you're here"

Harry nods "I'm here baby."

Louis cries some more but pulls back to place his lips on Harry's, pulling him closer, holding on tight because hes scared Harry might dissapear

"Dont fucking leave harry." Louis says, his voice thick with emotion.

"I'm not baby, I would never leave you"

...

Louis has his head on Harry's chest, his legs curled beneath him as they both watch a movie, all of the lights shut off and a mug of hot chocolate in both of their hands

Harry has his arm around Louis. His eyes not focused on the film. Rather on the boy he loves

"I'm sorry that I hurt you"

Louis looks up and then back down, shaking his head "you didnt mean to"

"But I did"

Louis looks back up again and nods "but you're here"

"But I have to leave again"

Louis winces and slumps back into Harry's chest.

"But"

Louis looks up again

"I wanna take you with me...I cant leave you again...I wont"

Louis smiles a little bit and sets both of the mugs down, crawling into Harry's lap "I don't wanna cause problems with your managers"

Harry shakes his head "fuck them, being away from you causes all of my problems"

Louis leans in and kisses harry softly "if you want me to go with you, I'm there..."

Harry nods "okay...okay. I love you"


	20. I'll Tell the Stars About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read with Caution, this chapter involves suicide. Much love [:

Okay, so it was never really meant to turn out the way it did. Really. All harry really wanted to do, was hurt himself just enough so maybe Louis would look at him the same way he did only a few weeks before harry had made the stupidest decision of his life.

But he, well he really liked the pain. Something about it made him feel, safe almost. Like he did have something to go to at the end of the day, something other than Louis's arms. He was so fucking scared, because he knew he was depressed, he knew if he started this, he would never be able to stop, and he still did it anyway.

Now, though, in this moment is when he feels the worst he's ever felt, really. It feels like the entire world is crashing around him and there's absolutely nothing he can do about it. He looks over at the clock that reads 3:06 in the morning and he covers his face with his arm, letting out a soft sigh

He looks across the isle and sees louis sleeping, the curtain on his bed open slightly, his mouth open, soft snores coming out.

He smiles a little, but there's a pang in his heart and he takes another breath before quietly climbing out of the bunk, going over to his duffel bag, rummaging through it until his hand brushes against the cool metal case.

He pulls it out and sits on the small amount of "floor" he has, bitting his bottom lip, the case sitting heavy in his hands. He opens the small case and grabs the blade from inside of it. He licks his bottom lip and looks up, startled when he sees Louis looking in his direction.

"harry, what are you doing?" he asks groggily.

Harry quickly closes the case and shoves it back into his duffel bag, shaking his head and looking up at the bus ceiling. "Nothing. go back to sleep" he mumbles.

Louis gets out of his bed and walks over to harry, looking down at the duffel bag, then at Harry's face. "what did you just put in there?"

Harry grips his duffel bag and shakes his head again. "nothing, louis, can you go back to ignoring me, please?"

Louis takes a step back and grips the front of his sleeping shirt. "jeez...didn't know you hated me so much"

Harry takes a deep breath "i don't hate you, you know that, you're the one who hates me"

Louis stays quiet for a moment. "i don't hate you, i hate what you did"

Harry nods again "yeah, and you'll never forgive me, i know. which is why it's just better for everyone if you continue ignoring me"

"you're so willing to let me go" Louis whispers "i thought i was important to you, you used to always tell me that without me, you would lose yourself. i dont see it harry."

"then you must be blind" harry whispers, looking back up at the ceiling "because i'm losing myself more and more everyday"

"then why."

Harry looks at louis "why what"

"why do you want me to leave you alone so bad"

Harry smiles painfully. and its what makes Louis's heart break

"you were right, louis. you deserve so much more than me. i'm just a fuck up"

louis shakes his head "thats not what i meant, harry, you know that"

he nods "i know. but it's the truth." harry then stands up again, taking his duffel bag with his to his bunk. "g'night, louis" he says as he slides into bed and shuts the curtain

.

.

.

"so boys, how does it feel to be...on the road again?" the interviewer chuckles at her own joke, making the other boys laugh as well.

"feels good, i think" liam says, looking over at niall who wiggles his eyebrows and nods his head "I love eating all of the food and seeing all of the sexy people"

The entire room bursts out laughing, making niall pull a face, "what? i'm serious"

"what about you, zayn?" the interviewer asks

Zayn laughs and shrugs his shoulders "i just miss my girlfriend sometimes, but otherwise, i think it's pretty good."

the interviewer nods her head and looks over to louis "you seem a bit down, what's wrong?"

Louis immediately perks up and puts a smile on his face "oh, i'm not down, i just woke up really early this morning and couldn't get back to bed, haha. I'm having a blast. 'm buzzin!"

the interviewer smiles "i'm glad! we are so happy to have you here, what about you, harry?"

well, that was a tough question. because harry really didn't believe in lying when it wasn't necessary, so how would he tell this interviewer the truth, but not.

he smiles "'m living. thank you"

She smiles back at him and then turns back to the front, smiling softly before talking to the camera about something before it's the same mumbo jumbo of questions.

"So, harry, is it true?"

harry looks over and wipes his nose "is what true?"

"you've recently been seen with three different women in the span of a week, is there, a little playing around happening?" she leans forward in her chair and looks intently at him

"oh, no." he shakes his head and glances over at Louis, who's looking at him in confusion.

"they're only friends"

The interviewer doesnt take that for an answer "You've been seen sneaking into their hotel rooms and sneaking out late into the night, are you sure its just friendship there?"

Harry laughs and nods his head "Believe it or not, I have friends that dont want me for sex" he says, catching everyone off guard. "yeah, you see, women are much more help in the emotional category, so when I'm having problems emotionally, I like to know I have someone to fall back onto when I feel like going over the edge. you see, women have sympathy, or well, most of them do, and I just...I don't have to be sleeping with everyone i'm seen with, you know? just because im a celebrity, well that doesnt mean im a player"

everyone in the studio is silent for a moment, harry looks around and blushes, scratching his clothed wrist. "sorry, i...i'm sorry, can you cut that out, please?"

the interviewer nods her head and puts on a smile "of course, let's move on"

.

.

.

"what, was that?"

Harry looks up, meeting liam's eyes through the mirror.

"I don't know. i was upset."

liam walks over and puts his hand on harry's shoulder. "you told us you slept with them"

harry covers his eyes and nods his head, sniffing, his throat closing up "I had to. for louis"

"i don't get it haz, why would you have to do that for louis...?"

Harry gulps and uncovers his eyes, looking up at liam "they were gonna give him a beard, you know? they were going to, but i...i fixed it, i made sure he wouldn't have to...pretend"

Liam frowns and pulls harry closer to him, shushing him and running his fingers through harrys hair softly. "im sorry"

harry shakes his head "dont be, i thought. i thought it would be easier this way. id have my heart broken a million times over if it meant he was okay"

Liam smiles sadly and shakes his head "you should tell him, i think he would like to know that"

harry shakes his head. "maybe later, not now"

liam nods his head and sighs "look, louis sent me in here to distract you while he looked through your stuff, i think you should go talk to him before he finds something he might not want to see" Liam says knowingly, looking at Harry's wrists for a quick moment.

"shit" harry mutters, pushing past liam, out of the studio, ignoring the screaming of all of the girls, going into the bus, towards the back, finding louis there with the case in his hands, struggling to open it.

"louis, what are you doing? that's mine"

louis looks up and furrows his eyebrows. "how could you lie to that girl? me? i get it, but at least tell everyone what you did, don't be a fucking-" louis cries out in frustration of not being able to open the case "coward."

harry frowns and reaches his hand out for a second "You have no right to be touching that"

louis growls at him and turns around, finally opening the case, looking at the blade inside confusedly

"louis" harry whispers.

Louis looks back at harry angrily, silently telling him to shut up with his eyes, pulling the note that was also inside of the case, opening it up

"Louis, dont. Please don't read that"

Louis whips around. "why?! because it's a love letter to one of your fucking whores?"

Harry shakes his head "it's not, please. please leave it alone, give it back"

Louis looks down at the paper and begins to read it out loud 

"Oh, fate -ugly ass name- look where you have brought me today. a man who doesnt love me, but whom i love dearly" Louis looks up, "oh, so it wasn't just women then?"

harry shakes his head, tears running down his face "louis, stop, reading it. please, give it back to me"

louis shakes his head and continues reading the letter, his eyes growing sad, and his body beginning to sag. "harry" he whispers "harry, what the fuck is this"

harry shakes his head and reaches out for the note but louis snatches it away, looking at him with a renewed vigor "what the fuck is this, tell me right now"

Harry sight softly and wipes his face "it's a fucking suicide note, okay? there, is that what you fucking wanted" harry says, snatching the letter and case out of Louis's hand, shoving the paper back in there before closing it.

Louis lets out a breath "you're so fucking selfish, how dare you even think about writing something like that, how dare you even think of killing yourself! do you care about anyone but yourself!?"

harry looks up and the pain in his eyes makes louis gasp and take a step back.

"why...do you think...im still alive louis....because i fucking care, i care about everyone else too much to take my own god damn pain away" he yells, trembling. "I'm not fucking selfish! everything i've done, i've done for you! why cant you see that, louis"

louis gulps and clenches his fists together "i-"

harry shakes his head and stands up "no...no it's okay, sorry,,,im sorry for yelling at you"

louis covers his mouth and lets out a sob "there was a blade in there"

harry freezes and nods his head

"harry, are you hurting yourself?"

harry shakes his head "no" and he truly does mean it. "i feel...i feel safe, when i do it...i feel better for a little while...i feel like...for once, im in control of my own life.."

Louis shakes his head "no, no harry why...why didn't you come to me, i would have helped you, i dont care if we weren't talking, you should have known to come to me..."

Harry laughs a little bit "louis, it's okay, i'm alright, really."

"but you're not" louis whispers "You're not okay...and the fact that you think you are, is what makes me 100% sure you're not"

harry looks down and shrugs his shoulders "i dont want to do this right now, we have a show tonight"

Louis shakes his head "no. harry-"

harry turns around "Louis, we can talk after the show, okay?"

louis gulps and nods his head "yeah...fine"

.

.

.

the show went horrible. louis kept forgetting his lyrics, harry kept tripping over his own feet, niall was lost when louis was lost, and liam was freaking out too much to sing without his voice wavering.

"that was horrible" zayn groans, flopping onto the couch on the hotel room they'd be staying in, hugging a pillow to his chest

"oh come on" niall says, sitting at the bar stool "it wasn't that bad..."

"shit" liam says, looking down at his phone "shit, shit shit, that bitch"

zayn sits up, and louis walks over, looking at the phone, his eyes widening.

Harry is sitting on the couch, looking at his own phone, his throat closed up. 

"harry styles isn't who he seems, though he's handsome and charming on the outside, his inside is disgusting, just look what he had to say about women in this recent interview"

a clip of the edited interview plays

"Im a celebrity, im a player"

"is this really your idol?"

"hey!" louis says, walking over to Harry, trying to take his phone, but harry grips onto it, moving out of Louis's grasp. "stop looking at it harry!" he says

harry looks at the tweets. "They all hate me, oh my god" he whispers. "They all hate me" he turns around and shakes his head "I just cant do anything right"

zayn stands up and shakes his head "This isn't your fault harry, its that bitch of an interviewer!"

Harry sighs and looks down. "there's something I want to tell you guys, and I've been thinking about it for a while. today just...today jut confirms that i need to"

louis gulps and begins to talk

"I want to leave the band"

the bus is silent, and harry ignores everyone trying to talk to him, he goes into his bunk and shuts the curtain, staring at the wall until eventually, everyone goes away. 

.

.

.

harry wakes up when he feels shuffling in his bunk.

"louis? what are you doing, are you crying?"

Louis lays down next to Harry and grips his shirt, crying loudly "please don't leave...please, i need you"

Harry wraps his arms around Louis and presses a kiss to his forehead. "you'll still have me, louis, you'll always have me"

Louis shakes his head "no...no i need you here, i need you in this band i cant...i cant be in this band without you"

"you can"

"No!" louis yells, pulling back "if you leave, i'm leaving too!"

harry shakes his head "you love this band too much"

"then don't make me leave it...stay"

"i cant"

Louis shakes his head and buries his nose into harrys shirt, letting out a sob "how long have you been hurting?"

"a long time" harry says honestly. "You made it better, you...you do make it better. but i need to...take time"

Louis sniffs and cries some more "please...harry, please"

"louis, look at me"

louis shakes his head, but harry cups his face, making louis meet his eyes

"You know i love you...and no matter what, i would do anything for you. but i cant...not this.."

"i'm sorry harry" louis whispers, tears leaking from his eyes

"why?"

"i hurt you, and im so sorry for that...i never meant anything i said, please just...just forget what i said okay? it's not what I meant"

harry nods "i know..."

Louis knows he's losing. "please" he asks one more time, but harry only smiles sadly and shakes his head.

"let me sleep with you then...please"

Harry nods "how could i ever say no to you?"

louis laughs and lets out another sob, clinging to harry. for the last night.

.

.

.

"dont wake them up, this is the first time ive seen them like this in a while."

harry stirs and looks up, sniffing a bit "ni?"

Niall frowns "sorry...I didn't mean to wake you, its just...simon is on his way"

harry nods his head and lets go of louis, getting out of his bed, popping his back. "ill be in the shower"

Niall nods and watches harry grab some clothes and walk into the bathroom, the door shutting behind him.

Louis wakes up only 5 minutes later and gets out of bed, stumbling to the front of the bus "where's harry?"

niall points to the closed bathroom door with his spoon "showering before simon comes...with the papers"

louis looks down and gulps "what am i gonna do without him?"

Niall rushes over and pulls louis into his arms "shh...you're not losing him forever, yeah? he'll still be there to support us, you know?"

Louis nods his head and pulls back, wiping his face "thanks..."

-

20 minutes later, simon is in the room, and harry isn't out of the bathroom, though the water cut off around 5 minutes before simon arrived

"Still in the shower?" simon asked.

Louis shrugs "let me go get him"

Niall shakes his head and smiles "i'll do it. sit your pretty self down"

Louis nods and sighs, looking at simon "so...those are the papers?"

simon nods his head "i know this must be hard for you...considering everything that's happened, but at least now-"

"fucking shit! call 911!" niall yells.

everyone in the room jumps up and runs over to the bathroom, liam and zayn holding louis back once they see harry

"fucking let me through!" louis screams, scratching at liams face, kicking zayn in the legs "let me go!"

"louis! stop!" zayn yells back, trying to hold onto louis tighter

"fuck you!" louis yells, kneeing zayn in the groin, biting liam's hand, squeezing past them.

He lets out a heartbreaking sob when he sees harry, his breathing leaving his body for a moment as he crawls through harry's blood, cradling harry in his arms

"what did you do?!" he cries out "harry, what did you do!?"

harry takes a small breath and louis shakes his head "you selfish dick! how could you fucking do this to me..."

"louis" harry's voice is weak and he's trying to move, but every time he does, his wrists spew more blood, so louis yells at him to stop

"Stop moving! the ambulance will be here s-soon, Stop fucking moving!"

"Listen" harry says, his eyes closing

"open your eyes baby" louis whispers, putting his blood covered, trembling, hand to harrys face, caressing him softly "please, open your eyes"

Harry whispers a sentence, louis cant understand it

"Harry please, please just stop talking, save your energy, please...you cant leave"

"ill...tell the stars about you"

Louis shakes his head "i dont want you to, i want you here, i want you to tell the people in the world about me...please" louis whispers

"please" he cries hoarsely, holding harry's lifeless hand to his face, "wake up" he trembles

"wake up...wake up wakeup WAKE UP!" he screams, turning his head to the toilet before throwing up everything in his stomach.

"louis, please" liam says, reaching out to his friend

"dont...DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME LIAM" he yells, holding harry closer to his body.

"louis, you need to move so the emt's can do their job, let him go"

Louis shakes his head "no...no i cant. i cant let him go"

"louis, come with me"

Louis shakes his head and starts screaming when someone tries to pry his hands off of harry.

"NO! I PROMISED HIM I WOULDNT LEAVE HIM ALONE"

"It's time to let go" niall says, his heart breaking at the sight in front of him, he grabs louis by the waist while liam pries his hands away

louis's screaming was breaking everyone.

"please!" louis cries out "Please, dont!"

"stop" zayn whispers, wiping his face before hugging louis around the waist, burying his face in louis's neck. "stop it"

Louis reaches out for Harry's body and scratches at Zayn's back "I need to be with him, zayn let me go, i need to be with him"

zayn shakes his head. "no...No because I need you! i need you to be with me."

Liam wraps his arms around louis "i need you louis."

Niall is the last to wrap his arms around the group "louis please...i need you"

louis lets out a loud sob and collapses into his friends arms "what am i gonna do" he cries out

"i dont know" zayn whispers "but im here, im here"

Louis wraps his arms around zayn and cries until he cant breathe "why would he do this, why would he do this to us"

they all stay silent, and louis starts to scream when the emt's are putting harry into a body bag

"Stop! Stop throwing him around! fuck you! fuck you, ill make sure you have no fucking job!"

"Louis" zayn whispers "stop"

"they're hurting him, I can feel it, they're hurting him"

"stop...he's not hurting anymore"

louis shakes his head and lays on zayn's chest

Zayn rocks his best friend until he passes out, looking at liam and niall.

"what the fuck are we gonna do...?"

.

.

.2 weeks pass.

.

.

"ill miss you forever" louis whispers.

"i know"

"dont forget me"

"i never could"

.

and louis lays down, looking up at the night sky, zayn to his right, niall to his left, and liam across from him.

"he can hear you" zayn whispers

and louis nods "i know..."

"he loves you" liam says

louis smiles "I know...i love him back"

and niall holds Louis's hand "and we love you..."

Louis laughs and wipes the tears that fall from his eyes "i love you guys too..."

.

.

.

and although louis couldn't see it. Harry did what he promised

every night, he sat down next to louis, and told the stars about him.


	21. Wondering who you became

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one

"And Kelly, along with that hot summer wind rolling into town this week, we're having another hot hot wave coming in"

"Haha, yeah Sarah. Harry Styles is coming back into town for the first time in 6 years for a home town thank you show, can you believe that!?"

"Well, Kelly, he said he was also going to be looking for a certain someone here. We all wish it was us"

That's when Louis shuts of the radio, rolling his eyes a bit. He'd always hated listening to the radio station girls in the morning, they were so annoying.

His mind completely tuned out in the beginning of the show, and he had only tuned in after they had said the name harry styles, however, his anger towards the man is what took him over the edge, causing him to shut the radio off.

"Hey! I was listening to that" Eleanor scoffs from the couch, looking over at Louis with a scowl.

"I dont fucking care, this isnt your house" he teases, playfully rolling his eyes at her. "You know how I feel about him"

Eleanor lays back down and opens her magazine away "who knows, maybe this mystery person he's looking for is you" she says in a sarcastic tone

"Mhm, right" he laughs and continues making breakfast for the two of them, "he forgot about me"

Eleanor looks over at her best friend for a moment before turning back to her magazine. "I hate him for that, you know? And if you are the person he's looking for, I'll hurt him before he can say anything to you"

Louis laughs lightly "I know. But its... highly unlikely"

Eleanor sighs softly and turns on her side, looking out of the window, watching their two dogs playing with each other outside. "Love you"

Louis looks at the couch and smiles softly "love you back"

-  
-  
-

Louis sighs gently, grabbing seemingly endless cans of vegetables from the cardboard box at his feet, stocking them onto the shelves, almost zombishly.

"Oh...my...god"

Louis turns to look at the girl stocking shelves behind him, getting ready to say something about how annoyingly loud she said that, and how unprofessional it was, until she screeches again

"Harry Styles!!" And runs into the direction of the start of the isle they were on.

Louis's heart starts hammering in his chest and he keeps his eyes forward, tok nervous to look over there, in case harry did recognize him and try to talk to him. He shakily grabs the cans of peas, stocking them while his coworker briannas voice gets closer and closer.

He grabs a can of green beans, but his hands are shaking so bad, he drops it and let's out a stuttered breath. "Shit"

He bends down and goes to grab it, but harry is already grabbing it, holding it out to louis.

Louis gulps and grabs it, continuing to avoid looking at Harry's face, putting it on the shelf and grabbing the empty box, trying to walk away from the isle as fast as he can.

"Wait. Please" Harry's hand wraps around Louis's wrist, effectively stopping the small boy, making him drop the box and clench his fists, jerking his arm away

"What"

Louis finally makes eye contact with Harry and he doesnt even realize he's starting to cry "what could a...a...stranger like you want from a random store worker? Can I help you find something?" He seethes

Harry gulps and looks louis in the eyes "I've been looking for you."

Louis scoffs, "I dont even know who you are. If you'll excuse me, sir, I need to get back to work"

Harry reaches out again, but catches himself "louis, please"

Louis almost breaks then and there . It's been so long since he's heard harry say his name. "Please" he whimpers "please leave me alone. I cant.."

If you were looking harry in the eyes, you would have been able to see the heartbreak.

And by now, there was a crowd of people behind them, filming every moment on camera and louis blushes, backing up

"I'm sorry, shit...if you change your mind I'll be at our spot. 9pm" Harry says, turning around, plastering a smile on his face "hey guys, how are you?"

Louis runs into the back room and closes the staff room bathroom, leaning against the wall, tears streaming down his face. "Shit, shit. This is bad" he whispers to himself.

He pulls his phone out and calls Eleanor, but sighs in frustration when she doesnt answer her phone, leaving her a long voicemail that was definitely more crying than talking

He doesnt leave the staff room until eleanor texts him that shes outside, he clocks out and walks out, ignoring the calling of his coworkers.   
-  
-  
-

"I'm going to hurt him, lou. I am" eleanor sneers, taking a sip of the tea she had made for louis and herself. "He had no right, and the fact that people recorded you, and might put your video on the internet pisses me off to the extreme"

Louis wipes his cheeks and takes a sip of his tea as well. "What should I do?" And of course. Louis thinks it's stupid to be asking eleanor if she thinks he should meet harry, she hates him.

"You should go"

Louis looks at her and sets his cup down "huh? But dont you hate him?"

Eleanor sets her cup down and nods her head "yes, I fucking hate his guts. I hate him, because he hurt you, because he continues to hurt you without knowing it. It hurts me when you're hurt because it feels like you're my platonic soul mate, everything that affects you, affects me. But if harry doesnt know how he's hurting you, if you dont tell him, get closure, you're going to keep hurting" she says, taking a bite of her sandwich

"I'm not saying to sleep with the dude, or even forgive him, but I think talking will help you"

Louis shrugs his shoulders "yeah, maybe..."

Eleanor smiles "but, i dont want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with. So if you dont want to go see him, then dont...but something tells me you really want to"

Louis blushes and looks away, sighing softly "yeah..I do"

Eleanor nods her head "then go. And call me if you need anything alright? If he hurts you, or tries to touch you. Call me and I'll beat his fucking ass"

Louis laughs lightly and nods his head, "I know you will..."

Eleanor looks at the clock "well, it's already 8, you should get going"

Louis nods and sets his stuff down, going into his room to grab pepper spray and a jacket, kissing eleanor on the cheek, and heading out.  
-  
-  
-

Louis is sitting at the edge of the lake, his shoes next to him, feet swishing in the water. He looks down at the pitch black water, the moon light glinting off of the waves

He takes a deep breath and looks at the time 9:00

He holds his breath when he hears someone walking down the short peir, getting his pepper spray ready just in case it was anyone but harry.

"I was hoping you'd come"

Louis looks up and licks his lips, looking back down, hearing more than seeing harry sit down next to him.

"I dont know why I'm here. You fucked me up" louis whispers. "You..left, when you said you would never" his voice gets louder.

"You, ignored every single call and text I ever sent you" he says, getting angrier

"You acted like I never existed, like you never fucking loved me. Like I meant NOTHING to you, so why am I here harry. Why after SIX years, am I here?"

Harry gulps and shakes his head, staring down at his hands. "I know that...nothing i ever say will ever fix anything. Things were shitty, and fucked and I was a fucking asshole and i... ill never be able to do or say anything to fix what we had."

Louis holds back a sob and looks at harry "six years harry...I've hurt over you for six years..."

Harry's heart breaks "I'm sorry" he whimpers "I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to lose you"

Louis scoffs "fuck you, I dont know why I'm here, I'm leaving"

"Louis please." Harry says, standing up and grabbing his wrist "please...I can't tell you what happened. And I know it's hard and I know things will never be the same again, I just miss you, I'm free now, I'm able to do things I wasnt able to do for the past six years, I'm able to be myself now. Which is why I wanted to come back here first. See you first."

Louis is so confused, and he doesnt want to believe anything harry says. "Why cant you tell me what happened"

"In time I will be able to. I promise. I just..cant right now. I need you to trust me just this once"

Louis turns around and looks at harry, and he knows the boy is telling the truth. "I'm not going to just forget the 6 years of mental and physical pain I went through because of you. I will never forget."

Harry looks down, letting out a sigh f defeat. "Okay..I knew it was a long shot....I'll leave you alone for now" harry looks back up into Louis's eyes "but I'm not going to stop fighting for you. Even if it takes another 6 years"

Louis's heart lurches "let me finish"

Harry stays silent

"I'll forgive you...but I dont want to see you for a while after we leave here...you can text me, but I dont want to see you, and I don't want you texting me anything that a new friend would text"

Harry nods "I can do that...thank you"

Louis frowns but nods. Stepping closer "and because I can" he steps on his tippy toes and presses a small kiss to harry's lips. He couldn't help himself. He'd been deprived for so long.

He pulls back and harry is resting his forehead against Louis's. "Bye harry" Louis whispers

"Dont say that. Never again. Text you later, Louis"

Louis pulls back and looks up at harry one last time before walking away, his heart in his throat and his fingertips on his lips.

He knows he's just screwed himself over, again.


	22. Fuck me like you hate me (smut)

The room was heavy, sweat mixing in the air with the scented candles Harry had put in various places around the room, it made the room smell a sickly sweet.

"Shit" Louis moans, running his hands up from Harry's fern leaf tattoos, to the swallows at the top of his chest, rocking his hips on Harry's from on top of him.

Harry has his eyes shut, hands firmly resting on Louis's hips, thrusting his hips up to meet Louis's every so often. "Come on, I want to fuck you already"

Louis glares down at the boy beneath him. "Shut the fuck up, harry. Let me enjoy you a bit before you take control"

Harry grumbles a bit but nods his head, letting out a grunt when his crotch meets Louis's in perfect synch.

Louis bites his bottom lip and slides off of Harry's body, slotting himself in between Harry's legs, unbuckling the youngers belt.

"What are you doing" harry mumbles, running his fingers through Louis's feathery brown hair.

"I'm about to suck your cock, harry. What does it look like" louis snips back, pulling Harry's pants down his legs.

Harry nods "thought you didnt like foreplay 's all" he says lazily, lifting his hips to make pulling his boxers down, easier.

"Kind of feeling it today, dunno" louis says, taking hold of Harry's cock, beginning to jerk him off slowly and languidly.

Harry let's out a breath and then a quiet moan, "shit, I always love it when you're in the mood, makes everything more fun...you gonna let me eat your ass?"

Louis shrugs "sure. After I'm done with you, though."

Harry nods "how's your stamina? Wanna make you cum twice"

Louis smirks "I've got all the stamina"

Harry nods "good, now put your pretty little mouth to use"

Louis nods his head and leans his head down, taking the tip of Harry's cock into his mouth, sucking lightly before opening his mouth and sinking his head down

"Fuck" harry curses, thrusting his hips up, knowing his lovely boyfriend didnt have a gag reflex

Louis continues to take his boyfriends cock into his mouth until his nose is touching the little hairs just below Harry's fern leaves

"God, your mouth was made for this" harry moans, tugging on Louis's hair lightly

Louis hollows his cheeks and moves his head back up, popping off and going straight back down.

Harry let's out little grunts of pleasure, thrusting his hips up ever so often.

Louis pops off and continues to move his hand in circular motions up and down Harry's cock. "I want you to cum in my mouth"

Harry nods his head. "Can do"

Louis goes back down, taking his boyfriends dick into his mouth once more, moving his head a bit faster this time, only going all the way down once every so often to keep harry on the edge

"Come on baby, stop teasing me" harry moans out, tugging Louis's hair a little harder, thrusting his hips up.

Louis pins Harry's hips down and finally starts deepthroating his boyfriend. Starting to use his tounge in synch with his mouth.

"God, you're beautiful. I love you so much" Harry grunts, thrusting his hips in time with louis sinking his head down.

"I'm gonna cum baby" harry says, feeling his stomach twist in that beautifully familiar way.

Louis puts more pressure on Harry's cock with his tounge, moving his head faster until he feels harry pull his hair and warm liquid running down his throat.

Louis pulls off and closes his mouth, swallowing the bitter sweet substance. "Have you been eating your fruit bowls?"

Harry smirks and nods "yep, I ate one this morning"

Louis nods his head and lays down on his stomach next to harry, snapping his fingers. "C'mon, your turn"

Harry chuckles and gets up, grabbing a pillow. He taps the side of Louis's waist, silently telling him to lift his hips so he can pull Louis's shorts down.

Louis does so and Harry's mouth waters at the sight underneath Louis's white shorts.

"Jesus fuck" he runs his hands over Louis's ass, wrapped up in black and white lace. "Shit, were you wearing this all day? Oh god, you should see how beautiful you look right now" Harry praises, making louis keen in the attention.

"Wore them all day, knew you would be the one to undress me"

Harry let's out a growl and hooks his fingers under the waist band of the panties, pulling them down Louis's legs, but not all the way off.

"I want to fuck you in these"

Louis shivers and nods his head.

Harry takes a moment to admire his boyfriends ass, running his hands up and down.

He leans forward and presses a few kisses to Louis's ass, moving to his thighs, sucking a few bruises into his tan skin.

"Mmh, harry" louis whimpers, biting his bottom lip.

"I'm getting there baby" he whispers, grabbing the pillow he got when he moved, placing it under Louis lower stomach, perking his ass in the air for harry.

The younger of the two spreads Louis's cheeks slightly, mouth watering at the sight of Louis's hole, clenching and unclenching, waiting for Harry's tounge

"God, you look so beautiful, all for me"

Louis says nothing, he doesnt need to.

"Gonna eat you out now, that okay?" Harry asks, rubbing Louis's bare ass with his hands

"Mhm" Louis says, loving how Harry will always ask permission, even though he knows the answer will be yes.

"Consent is kinky" Harry whispers, almost as if he's read Louis's thoughts

Louis lets out a laugh which quickly turns into a breathy moan when Harry licks a stripe over his hole.

"Oh god" louis whimpers, biting the pillow beneath his head to silence himself

Harry grips Louis's butt, licking his hole again, moaning a bit to himself at how sweet Louis tastes "shit, you knew I was gonna eat you out today didnt you?"

Louis moans quietly and pushes his ass back "keep going, please"

Harry grunts and goes back down, circling his tounge around Louis's entrance for a bit before licking inside of him

"Oh my god, harry" louis moans, pushing his ass back onto Harry's mouth, basking in the feeling he's getting, sending jolts through his body.

Louis reaches his hand down and grabs his painfully hard dick, stroking himself in time with Harry eating him out, giving his body a feeling of pleasure he hasn't felt in a while.

Harry notices and moves Louis's hand away from his dick, replacing it with his own.

Louis hisses "shit. Harry...dont stop, I'm gonna cum"

Harry nibbles on Louis's asshole, smirking against his ass when Louis whimpers and crosses his ankles, tensing his body before cuming on the bed sheets, and Harry's hand.

"Wish I could have seen your face baby" harry whispers, kissing Louis's lower back, bringing his hand to his mouth to lick the cum that was on it

Louis sighs happily and rolls over, looking Harry in the eyes

"Now..."

Harry raises and eyebrow "now?"

"Now...I want you to fuck me like you hate me"

Harry's eyes darken with lust.

He leans over louis and kisses him hard, "you want that?"

Louis wraps his arms around Harry's neck and presses his lips back to Harry's. "Yeah" he whispers "please...I want to feel it next week"

Harry growls and presses his lips to Louis's in renewed vigour, both of them hard already.

Harry reaches his hand down and spreads Louis's legs. Running his fingers up Louis's thigh, making louis shiver

Harry moves his lips from Louis's down his jaw, onto his neck. Biting softly on his skin, then harder.

Louis hisses and grips Harry's back, tilting his head to the side, grinding his hips up. "Inside me, now"

Harry chuckles darkly and leans over, grabbing the lube.

"No" louis grabs Harry's wrist before he can grab it. "I'm fine"

Harry looks Louis's face over, though he wanted to do this rough, he didnt want to hurt his boyfriend. "You sure?"

Louis smiles and nods his head "I'm ready, fine. Wore a plug all day"

Harry shudders and nods his head, licking his lips, spreading Louis's legs a bit further than they were before, grabbing his cock, giving it a few tugs before lining it up with Louis's entrance.

He pushes in slowly and watches as Louis's face contorts in pain for a split second before his mouth falls open and he closes his eyes, gripping the sheets underneath his hands. "Fuck"

Harry nods his head and pushes himself all the way in, making them both groan. "You feel good baby" Harry grunts into Louis's ear, hand gripping his petite waist as he pulls out slowly and slams back in, making Louis grunt and arch his back slightly, headboard hitting the wall behind them.

Harry wraps Louis's legs around his waist and thrusts back in, angling his hips in the way he knows Louis likes.

And the way louis moans confirms it, his nails scratching at Harry's back. "Harry. Shit, go faster...uh..harder"

Harry pulls out and snaps his hips back in, making Louis slide up the bed a bit. "Fuck, Harry" louis moans, biting down on Harry's shoulder, making the boy groan and start thrusting faster, sweat forming on both of their bodies

Harry continues to pummel into Louis, moaning in the boys ear. Louis clenching around his dick is doing wonders to his body, shaking with pleasure.

Louis reaches down to grab his dick, but harry slaps his hand away and shakes his head, leaning down to suck a love bite onto Louis's chest. "You'll come untouched"

Louis's body shakes in pleasure and he nods his head, wrapping his arms around Harry's neck again, pressing their lips together again

Except it's more tounge and teeth than it is actual kissing, but neither boy minded at this point.

"Please harry, don't stop" louis whimpers, clenching his hole and dragging his nails down Harry's back.

Harry grunts and continues abusing Louis's hole, moving in and out, watching the way Louis's hole takes every inch of harry greedily

"Shit, fuck, I'm gonna cum" louis whimpers, arching his back.

Harry chooses that time to angle his hips to start thrusting into Louis's prostate, making the boy let out high pitches "uh"s every time harry thrusted in.

"Inside" Louis moans as he cums all over his stomach and clenches his hole around Harry's cock, making the younger groan and thrust a few more times into Louis's clenched hole before cuming inside his boyfriend

"Shit, fuck, Louis I love you so much" Harry moans, thrusting lazily to get then both through their highs, pulling out of louis a second later, flopping down next to him.

Louis let's out a deep sigh and turns on his side, laying his head on Harry's chest, wrapping an arm around his stomach, closing his eyes.

Harry groans and looks at the cum covering both of them. "Need to clean up, then we can sleep, okay baby?"

Louis nods his head and allows harry to get off the bed and grab some wipes from Louis's dresser, cleaning them both up before throwing the cum stained sheet into the laundry bin, grabbing another one from Louis's closet.

He gets back in bed and covers them both, wrapping his arms around Louis , pressing a kiss to Louis's sweaty forehead.

Louis has never felt so serene. Everything in the world seemed aligned right now. He swears he can hear the wind kissing the tips of the dewy grass. He can feel the earth turning.

He was in Harry's arms and everything was perfect.

"I love you harry"

Harry smiles and pulls Louis closer. "I love you too baby"


	23. Just wanted to see you (smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Top Louis

So harry technically knows he shouldnt be here. He knows louis told him never to come to his work place because they would 100% end up fucking on one of the massage tables

But harry really couldnt help himself. So here he was, sitting on the massage table, waiting for his boyfriend to walk through the door.

"I told you" is the first thing louis says when he walks into the room and shuts the door, subconsciously locking it behind him. "Not to come here, Harry"

Harry puts his hands up and rubs the back of his neck. "I just want a massage louis. My back hurts and you know I love your massages the best"

Louis narrows his eyes and then sighs. "Okay fine. Take this towel and go into the bathroom. Undress and cover your.. you know. And then lay down, tummy side down on this bed thing" louis says, handing harry a towel.

Harry does as told, making sure his towel is hanging as low as possible before walking back into the massage room, laying down on the massaging bed as louis told him to do.

Louis dims the room lights and grabs everything he needs, lighting a few candles, putting a tray with massaging oil and lotion next to Harry's body.

"I swear harry, if you try anything" louis mutters as he climbs on top of harry gets on his knees above his lovers bum, getting ready to begin.

"You know" harry begins, instantly relaxing when louis begins massaging his lower back, the tension easing away. "I dont really like the fact that you sit on people when you massage them."

Louis rolls his eyes. "I'm not sitting on you, I'm just positioned above your bum so I can get the right angle for the right spots"

Harry snorts. "That sounds pretty sexual to me" harry mutters.

Louis rolls his eyes and continues to massage Harry's back, watching the way Harry's back muscles seem to tense with every one of his movements, though his back was supposed to be doing the complete opposite.

"Why are you tense?" Louis asks, rubbing Harry's back a but softer, focusing on Harry's upper back now, his shoulders.

Harry sighs and uses what little space he has to turn around on the massage bed, backside down now, his hands gripping Louis's waist when he sees his tiny boyfriend getting ready to get up. "I'm tense because you're practically sitting on my ass and you're not...fucking me" 

Louis shakes his head. "Not happening" he says, but not making any more effort to move away from his boyfriend

"These walls arent soundproof and I dont really want to loose my job because I was caught fucking my boyfriend during work hours"

Harry smirks a little bit and runs his hands up under Louis's shirt.

Louis gasps and stops Harry's hands before his boyfriend can start playing with his nipples and looks down at harry warily.

"Ill be very very quiet. I promise" harry whispers

"Harry, we cant" louis whispers, trying to hold onto Harry's wrists in place.

"Please" harry practically whimpers, making Louis's cock get happy.

"Fuck, okay, fine...you make a single loud noise and I'm stopping, understood?"

Harry nods his head and licks his lips, "let's do it fast ok? I only have about 10 more minutes in here"

"What, did you only pay for a 15 minute massage? Cheapskate" louis murmers. "Okay, I'm fucking you raw then"

Harry nods and turns over again, removing the towel from his waist.

Louis sighs and runs his hands over Harry's ass, biting his bottom lip "lift your hips for me baby"

Harry does as told and closes his eyes.

Louis grabs some of the massaging oil and starts to jerk himself off with it, so he can slide in a bit easier

"Hurry" harry whispers

Louis grabs Harry's hips and slides into his boyfriend, bottoming out and waiting for harry to stop clenching his fists and breathing ragged to continue

"Too much?" Louis whispers

Harry shakes his head "no, shit. It feels good" he manages through gritted teeth "fuck me, louis"

Louis doesnt have to be told twice, he pulls out slowly and then thrusts his hips hard back in, making harry move up on the bed a little bit.

"Bite your arm" louis grunts, fucking into harry again, making Harry's muffled moan seem a bit louder than the first.

"Shit" Harry grits out, pushing his ass back against Louis's dick. "Feels so good. I need more"

Louis is about to respond when the timer on his clock dings and shortly after a knock on the door is heard.

"Times up." They both hear before footsteps are fading away.

Louis curses softly and pulls out of harry, making his boyfriend whine. "Later, when I get home" he murmers, pressing a searing kiss to Harry's neck

Harry nods his head and gets up, grunting at the uncom feeling in his ass.

Louis smirks and pinches Harry's butt as he walks by, making his boyfriend squeak then narrow his eyes. "See you at home"

Louis nods and cleans up the room, brightening the lights again and kissing harry goodbye as he walks out of the room.

And true to his word, Louis absolutely rails harry all night long.


	24. Ghost of You

Harrys eyes open and his hand goes to the empty spot in the bed next to him, his breathing becoming slower and his eyes refusing to move from the empty pillow beside his.

He cant stand it. He really really cant stand looking at that side of the bed, he cant stand being in this room, he cant stand being in this house. He would move. He swears to himself, he would move out if he could, if he was financially stable enough to do so.

He stares at the empty pillow until the pain in his chest begins to get unbearable and his eyes can not hold back the water they've been building up.

Every morning is like the next, and like the one before since he lost Louis. Days seem to morph into nights that morph into weeks, which morphs into months which eventually morphs into years. And he still refuses to go through everything in their...his room. He cant bare to even think about giving away anything.

His house is still littered with Louis's clothes. Everywhere. There is no part of Harry's house that doesnt have a part of louis in it.

Today was different.

Harry's friends Zayn and Liam were coming over to help him go through everything. And harry didnt know if calling them right now and telling them he didnt want to do it was a good idea. He's been doing that for the past three months.

He cant let go. He doesnt want to let go. No matter how many drinks he forces down his throat. No matter hoe many men and women he tries to love. No matter how many nights he sits in bed and drinks bottle after bottle, wondering if louis is watching him. Wondering if Louis would be upset with him. No matter what, he cant let go.

Even now, as he sits down and places two mugs of hot coffee on the table, staring at the empty chair across from his. Just wondering what louis would be telling him if he were sitting there

"Aww, always putting too much sugar in my cuppa! You're trying to get me fat"

And fuck, his chest clenches painfully again. But he still smiles and forces his tears back, taking a large gulp of his coffee.

Too early. He thinks. Too early for a drink.

His head hurts. His head really really hurts. It does every morning. His headaches never go away anymore. It's a constant cycle of pain for him, he thinks.

The only thing he can register that day, is the fact that he can hear knocking on his door at around 1 PM. And he wants so badly to pretend he isn't home. But his friends know he doesnt leave the house unless hes going to work. He cant fucking pretend not to be home. He cant say he doesnt want to do this.

So he opens the door and sees his friends there with unfolded boxes and two rolls of duct tape. His heart begins to race and his mind is so damn foggy, he just wants it all to stop.

"Hey.." Zayn says quietly, looking at Liam for a bit of help.

Liam steps forward and puts the unfolded boxes down and wraps his arms around Harry. "You're so strong for doing this harry" he whispers, feeling harry grip his shirt just a little bit tighter. "You're doing the right thing. I know how bad it hurts harry. I know how much pain you're in...but louis wouldn't want to see you like this"

Harry knows that. So why is he still so fucking defensive when someone tries to touch Louis's things.

"Its going to be difficult" harry says. "I...I already know myself..its going to be so hard and you're going to want to give up"

Zayn then steps forward and sighs. "We arent...we are going to be brutally honest with you harry...we are going to take everything we know you dont need whether you like it or not"

Harry looks over and nods his head, looking back down at his shoes after a second. "I'm doing our..my room by myself" harry leaves no room for argument.

"He'll be just fine" liam whispers to zayn when harry grabs a few unfolded boxes and a roll of duct tape, closing his room door behind him. His friends starting on the livingroom.

Harry leans against the door and looks around. He knows it smells in here. He knows because all of their plants are dead and theres still that jar of compost he hasnt touched in a year. He needs this. He needs to clean.

He starts with folding the boxes and duct taping the bottom and putting them on his side of the bed, wringing his hands together.

"Louis I'm sorry" he whispers before he walks over to the closet and opens it, the hinges creaking, it's been too long since he's opened this door.

His hands seem to move automatically, like he has shut his brin down and his body is moving on it's own. He doesnt want to feel anything when he does this because he will keep everything.

He throws things out, onto the bed, going through everything, not stopping till he reaches his side of the closet, taking a shuddery breath.

"Can I claim this shirt?" Louis asks, twirling around their small bedroom in Harry's extra large led zeppelin shirt, arms above his head.

Harry smiles softly and watches louis twirl around. "That's my favorite shirt"

Louis stops and puts his hands on his hips, glaring playfully at harry. "Can I have it?" He climbs onto the bed and sits on Harry's lap, stretching his arms above his head.

"Its like a dress on you, look you're stretching and it still doesn't go up past mid thigh" harry laughs, tracing patterns on Louis's thigh

"But I still like it" Louis pouts, leaning down to cuddle into Harry's chest, closing his eyes. "I'm taking it. It's mine now."

Harry holds the shirt to his cheek and covers his mouth with his hand, his eyes shut.

He misses louis so much. He wants to hug his boyfriend one more time. He want to be able to say bye to him. He doesn't want to have to go to the graveyard to see what little piece of him is left.

"Harry?" Liam knocks on the door and then opens it, eyes widening when he sees Harry's shoulders shaking, back facing the door.

"Haz, are you okay?" Liam whispers, walking forward to wrap his arms around his best friends body.

Harry turns around and looks at liam, his lip wobbling. "Liam I dont want to..."

Liam frowns

"He's already gone...liam, I'm never going to see him again. Why are you making me get rid of his stuff? It's all I have left of him"

"Harry.." liam starts

"I dont get it. I cant loose everything. I cant have no trace of him...there...if I get rid of his stuff. There is no trace of louis ever...ever living"

Liam shakes his head and pulls harry into his arms again. "Harry no"

Harry holds onto liam and let's himself cry, crying until he cant breathe, breaking his best friends heart. 

"Louis is in your memories. He's written in these walls. His favorite song is tattooed on your brain. His love is in your heart. Harry, getting rid of his things doesnt mean you're getting rid of him"

Harry takes shuddery breaths, whimpering every now and then, clutching his led zeppelin shirt in his hands. "I'll never hug him again" his whispers. "I just...I miss him"

Liam nods "me too..."

Harry sniffs and wipes his nose, looking at the pile of clothes on the bed. "Can you...can you help me?"

Liam nods his head and calls zayn into the room, the three going theoihj everything until Harry's house is clean, and the curtains are opened again.

The boxes are taken when liam and Zayn leave.

Harry can feel another piece of his heart leaving when the door is closed and locked, the silence weighing heavily over him. And though the curtains are open, all he can feel is darkness   
-  
-

That night, harry is sitting alone at his table, looking into his cup of tea, watching it disrupt with one of harry tears. He wipes his eyes and leans back in his seat.

He can feel arms sliding around him, hands resting on his chest. "Its been a while since we've danced"

Harry looks up. "It has been" his voice is quiet and shakey.

"Let's dance then"

Harry dances that night. Dances with the ghost of Louis in his arms. And of course it hurts when he wakes up the next morning, and he's all alone.


	25. Wondering who you are now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two to Wondering who you Became

Louis let it slide for two months . He didn't bring anything up for two months, but he was getting impatient. He waits till he and Harry are alone, doing totally platonic friend things.

"You're leaving soon" Louis whispers, looking up from Harry's chest

Harry frowns and refuses to look Louis in his eyes. "I don't want to go, and actually I wanted to ask you something"

Louis sits up and sighs "we need to talk first"

Harry also sits up and looks Louis in the eyes "about what"

Louis bites his bottom lip for a second then takes a deep breath. "I'm not going to let you hurt me like you did the first time. I will walk out this door right now and forget about you for the rest of my life Harry"

Louis hates to see Harry in pain like this, but it's necessary.

"So if you're gonna leave and pretend I was never a part of your life again, let me know so I can spare myself another 6 years of pain"

Harry grabs Louis's hands and presses his lips to them, closing his eyes. "I'm not going to do that...never again"

Louis's heart flutters in his chest and he sort of hates himself for it. "Tell me what happened" Louis whispers

Harry looks Louis in the eyes and nods a bit hesitantly "you won't like it"

Louis frowns "I can handle it"

Harry nods and scoots closer to Louis, wanting to feel close to his love. To feel safe.

"I asked...about you the second I landed in America. Asked what would happen with us" Harry whispers. "Simon told me we could talk about it later, when we talked about my contract."

Louis rests his head on Harry's chest, listening to his raising heartbeat.

"I can't get into everything. I could be sued. So please just...don't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you." Harry whispers out

Louis stays silent

"He had me sign a contract that I didn't read" Harry whispers "I was 16 and I was so naive I didn't even...I wasn't even thinking"

"I was so happy, and I asked him about you when all the signing was done and he just...looked at me and said I wasn't allowed to contact you anymore, and if I did I would be dropped from his label and sent back straight away"

Louis's heart aches

"I thought about it. Because coming back to you was better than never seeing you ever again. You was better than anything. And that's what I told him. I said 'if I can't be with Lou, this isn't going to work'"

Louis sniffs and hides his face from Harry's gaze.

"But I couldn't leave the label, he trapped me in for 6 years. He and his team took control of every social media of mine, constantly monitored my phone and messages and calls. I could never get to you even if I wanted to"

Louis let's out a little sob. "You could have used your friends phone Harry."

Harry takes a shuddery breath "after I had my first girlfriend I just assumed you would never want to talk to me ever again...I gave up on us before I could ask you if we would be okay"

Louis shakes his head and sits back up. "I can't believe you! I would have understood...I wouldn't have blamed you. It would have hurt less if you just...told me"

Harry nods his head and cups Louis's face "I know, i should have told you but I was too scared to. Until I turned 18 I was too scared to try to break Simon's rules. You don't know how much it killed me. I just wanted you with me." He chokes out, tears streaming down his face

"I thought it was over Louis. I sent you tickets to every show I had here through your email because my phone number was blocked by the time I gained the courage to talk to you again, but you never came"

Louis laughs lightly "I didn't know those tickets were bought already! I always thought there were just ads!"

Harry covers his face with his hands. "Shit, Lou" he says with a little laugh "if you would have came to any of them it would have been over for me because I would have lost it. But the crazy thing about it is I wouldn't have cared. Now, I don't care. If I can't have you...there is no living my dream"

Louis gasps and stares at Harry for a long while, a few tears falling from his eyes. "What"

Harry laughs a little and wipes his eyes to no avail "I don't want to be anywhere you aren't" he whispers "I don't want to...I don't want to sing if I can't sing about you. I don't want to play concerts if you can't be backstage waiting for me. I don't want to...have a future where I can't have you with me all the time"

Louis wraps his arms around Harry's neck and let's out a loud sob. "You're not leaving me again! I swear to god Harry I can't...I wouldn't be able to handle it if you fucking leave again. I'll hate you forever"

Harry wraps his arms around Louis's waist and shakes his head "I'm not. Come with me"

Louis pulls back and wipes under his eyes "wh-what?"

Harry laughs "come with me...move with me. Be a part of my future"

Louis doesn't speak for a while "can i?"

Harry laughs "yes. Fuck whatever anyone says. If I can't find a record label who will take me as i am, then fuck them. I'll be my own manager" he laughs, pressing a kiss to Louis's lips, because he just can't help himself "I'm not leaving you."

Louis laughs and presses his lips to Harry's again, both of them moving in sync

"Yes, I'll come with you"

Harry smiles wide and let's out a laugh "fuck, I was so scared you wouldn't come"

Louis shakes his head and sniffs "it's you Harry, it's always been you. It'll always be you"

Harry's eyes sparkle and he looks around. "Hang on, I've...I've had something for you for a while now" he whispers, getting of the bed and over to his packed suitcases, reaching into one of the outer pockets, pulling out a little box

"It's...it's not a wedding ring" Harry laughs, seeing Louis's nervous face, he sits back on the bed with Louis and opens it, showing two rings. "They're promise rings..."

Louis laughs a little bit and lays back on the bed in relief, putting a hand to his hot forehead. He always tended to get a little sick after crying for long periods of time.

"Fuck, you scared me. As much as I love you...I'm not ready for that yet"

Harry shakes his head and places his hand on Louis's ankle "no..it's just a promise for the future" 

Louis sits back up and smiles at his...Harry. "Okay"

Harry grabs Louis's hand and places the ring on it, staring at it for a second before pressing a kiss to the ring. "I promise"

Louis watches at Harry puts his own ring on and he can't help it, he pushes Harry back and presses his lips to Harry's, allowing Harry's tongue to enter his mouth a moment later.

"Can't deny I missed this" Louis whispers, eyes sparkling.

Harry doesn't know how the fuck he got so lucky.

-  
-  
-

The next day, when Eleanor catches Louis sneaking into the house, she screams at him for 23 minutes and 14 seconds. Louis counts

"I'm moving to LA" he finally says when she takes a break from her rant.

"I'm sorry...what?"

Louis laughs a little bit and covers his mouth, that's when Eleanor sees the ring.

"YOU LET HIM MARRY YOU?"

Louis bursts into laughter and he shakes his head. "It's a promise ring" Louis corrects, then smiles a bit "I'm moving to LA with Harry, to be with him.."

Eleanor pinches the bridge of her nose "what the fuck"

"Look. He explained everything to me...I can't tell you why, but he...he deserves a second chance and I'm giving it to him because despite everything...I love him"

Eleanor purses her lips and sets her hands on her hips "you're a fuck head. How am I supposed to pay for this apartment myself"

Louis pulls out his phone and a moment later Eleanor's phone dings. She pulls it out and screams

"Take it back!"

Louis shakes his head "Harry helped, he knew you would need help. It's gonna last you a long time, if you don't go on a shopping spree as soon as I leave"

Eleanor laughs and wraps her arms around Louis "I'm gonna miss your dumb ass"

Louis hugs her back and he can feel himself tearing up. "I'm gonna miss you too..."

She pulls back and wipes under her eyes. "Alright, you don't have much time, let's get you packed up"

-  
-  
-

"Shit" Louis whispers, pulling back from his huh with Eleanor. "I love you so much" he whispers, pressing a kiss to her cheek "I'll visit"

Eleanor wipes her face "you better, or else I'll hunt you down and rip your dick off"

Louis laughs.

Eleanor then turns to harry "don't hurt him. I'll fuck you up. I will" she then gives Harry a hug. "Fuck you by the way"

Harry laughs and hugs her back "I promise things will be different, he'll never be hurt again"

Eleanor nods and steps back. "Ugh, all those fan girls are gonna try to attack me when you guys leave"

Harry laughs "I'll have James escort you out if you want"

Eleanor looks back "eh..there's only like...30 of them, I think I'll be okay"

Harry nods and walks back over to Louis, wrapping his arm around the boys waist, pressing a kiss to his head. "Ready?"

Louis looks from Eleanor's receding figure back to Harry and smiles, pressing a kiss to the mans lips. "Ready"

The two walk into the gate to Harry's private jet and Louis can't help but to be a little nervous.

Harry's just glad Louis agreed to come with him.

"Know where we're going?" Louis asks

"LA" Harry laughs

"Nope" Louis smiles

"Where?" Harry says with a smile

"Our future"

Yeah, Harry really doesn't know how he was lucky enough to have Louis Tomlinson in his life.


	26. Not gonna Lie I'm a Simp for your Voice

" alright, here's the deal" Louis says into the mic, looking at his computer monitor that had around a hundred thousand people watching him right now. "I'm basically going to have Harry on the channel next week" he smiles, eyes watching the chat

Louis laughs a little bit "wow, you're all excited. Let me tell you now that I am also excited. Like all of you I also have not seen Harry's face, and I won't because of corona. Our collaboration will happen online. We'll be playing the most requested game so go over to my Twitter and make sure to vote on what game you guys wanna see!"

He exits to the lobby of the game he was playing right now and stretches. "Wow, four hours on stream already, that's insane. I think it's time for me to clean my house and get some rest now. And so should all of you, unless it's morning for you, then don't sleep." He laughs at his own joke. Cringe.

"Alright, I will see you all, with Harry next week! Have a good night, day, evening, life" he smiles and ends the stream

Tomorrow. Louis was quite excited. Of course like every other teenage girl in the world, he was crushing on the man, without even knowing what he looks like.

Of course, Louis knew it was only a joke though, because how could someone possible like a person without seeing them? Whatever, Louis just thought his voice was lovely. Hot even... and if Harry were to ever tell him to get on his knees, Louis would do it in a heartbeat

Woah. Calm down Louis.

Louis's phone starts buzzing from under him and he groans a bit, reaching for it, and pressing it to his ear

"Hello?"

"Hi Louis"

Louis sits up and blushes "hey Harry"

Harry chuckles a little bit and Louis swears he is on cloud nine.

"I saw your livestream and I wanted to ask you if you feel comfortable face timing before tomorrow? You said you didn't know what I looked like yet and I realized I never offered"

Louis's heart starts racing. "Oh...well if you're comfortable with it then definitely. I'd be up to"

Harry laughs a little bit and nods his head "okay, definitely. Give me a few hours, I'll call you"

Louis smiles "okay, I'll be waiting. See you"

Harry chuckles "see ya" and then hangs up.

Louis decides to tease his fan base by going on Twitter and typing out a message

FaceTiming Harry Styles in a few hours 😜😜

His phone blows up. Harry responds with a smiley face emoji and Twitter is trending them in a matter of minutes.

"Larry Stylinson FaceTime?" Louis mutters to himself, rolling his eyes and throwing his phone on the bed, leaving his room to clean up like he said he was going to do.   
-  
-  
-

A few hours later, Louis can hear the FaceTime ringing from his phone in his room. To be quite honest, he had forgotten that Harry was meant to FaceTime him tonight.

He rushes to his room and presses the answer button before it stops ringing. "Hellllllo?"

Harry chuckles through the phone screen and puts the camera onto his face. Louis is honestly star struck. Harry is so much hotter than Louis anticipated

Green eyes that seem to glow in the sunset. Harry must be outside. God the sunlight radiating off of his skin should be illegal. His hair is pulled back into a little bun and his dimples are fucking mesmerizing

"Hello?"

Louis snaps back to reality and looks away, blushing slightly. "Hi mr Harry styles"

"Hello mr Louis Tomlinson"

Louis swoons. Oh sweet Jesus he already wanted this man to eat him out.

Woah...Louis calm down

"Wow...you're..very attractive" Louis whispers, not really knowing what else to say. They hadn't talked about what the FaceTime was going to be about.

Harry chuckles again and runs a hand over his stubble. "Thank you, you're quite alluring as well" 

Louis blushes and let's out a little laugh. "Coming from you that's the biggest compliment"

Harry stares intently at Louis through the screen, licking his lips a little.

Louis bites down on his bottom lip and then let's it go, looking away. This call had just gotten a bit too tense.

Louis clears his throat "okay. So for tomorrow, the fans chose among us. We will be playing with a few other friends, 8 of them, because you know. It's among us" Louis laughs "we won't be streaming long, maybe a few hours"

Harry nods his head and looks back at the sunset, Louis can see it in the reflection of his eyes. "Sounds good to me. Gonna be fun"

Louis nods his head and smiles a little at the camera, flopping down on the couch. "So where do you live?"

Harry looks back at the camera "London"

Louis raises his eyes brows. "Oh..me too"

Louis then looks outside and sees the sun setting, of course he saw it before, but it's just clicking now.

"Maybe we can meet up sometime"

Louis shakes his head "not till this covid thing is over."

Harry smirks a little bit "how cautious of you. It's cute"

Louis blushes again and rolls his eyes. "I have some stuff I need to take care of, it was nice seeing you"

Harry nods his head and gives Louis a little wave "bye. Talk to you tomorrow"

Louis nods and ends the call.

"Holy FUCK BALLS I WANT HIM IN MY ASS" he screams, taking a deep breath before rubbing his face. "Shit, okay, calm down"

Louis gets up and walks around his house a little bit and eats the bucket of chicken that was in his fridge, before taking a hot bath before getting into bed.

But of course he stays up all night on Twitter, or maybe even messaging Harry, no one really has to know about it but them  
-  
-  
-  
"AH FUCK YOU I KNEW IT" Louis screams into his mic, he's on silent in the discord server, but the people watching his live stream could still hear him. "I feel so betrayed, how could Harry just kill me like that" he looks at the screen, watching the comments flow in.

"Emergency meeting, ok let's see what he says" Louis says

"Alright, who killed the princess" is the first thing Harry says, making Louis scoff, but doesn't stop the blush from spreading over his cheeks.

"Whoever killed my baby boy is going to pay"

Louis let's out a little squeak and then starts laughing "this punk!" He yells, covering his mouth while he laughs.

He looks over at the chat and blushes even more "Louis, did you and Harry..winky face... on FaceTime last night"

Louis let's out a honk of laughter and wiggles his eyebrows at the camera "no but there's always next time" he feasibly says   
-  
-  
-

Once the stream is over, the group of 10 friends talk for a little while until eventually there's only Louis and Harry left.

"You know you made the chat go crazy when you called me those names. Every time"

Harry chuckles "good. Did you enjoy it..princess?"

Louis blushes and crosses his legs. "You wish daddy"

Harry stays silent for a little bit but then laughs breathily. "I like that"

Louis blushes harder and then giggles. "I'm tired"

Harry laughs as well "tease."

Louis laughs and bites his bottom lip for a second before answering. "Maybe when you come see me, you can put me in my place"

Harry let's out a breath "yeah, I'd like that"

Louis let's out a breath and laughs again, this time a little shaky and quieter. "Okay...I'm gonna go to sleep now. I'll see you when I see you"

"Definitely. Sweet dreams Louis"

"You too" Louis whispers, ending the call.   
-  
-  
Of course if Louis sent Harry an ass pic before he went to sleep, well that's no one else's business but his.


	27. Attention Seeking Brat (smut)

Louis Tomlinson was so fucking angry right now. He was so so so mad. Why, you might ask. Well, his boyfriend of three years had been ignoring him for a while now.

Okay maybe ignoring was a bit of a stretch, because he wasn't actually being ignored, Harry just hadn't been giving him enough attention. All Harry wanted to do was work work work.

Work on a car  
Work on the bathroom   
Work on a paper   
Work work work and more work

Louis hated it.

Which is why he went out without Harry knowing, and is now doing body shots with a group of his friends. Laughing his ass off because he had already had three bottles of beer and five shots.

"Let's go" Louis looks behind him, where the voice came from and gasps happily, grabbing Harry's arm "oh Harry! You're just in time! I'm next" he laughs drunkenly

"No you're not. We're going home" Harry says gruffly, tugging Louis away from the bar.

"No" Louis slurs, pulling his arm out of Harry's grasp, smiling a little "go work, I want to hang out with my f-friends" he burps, beginning to walk back over to his group of friends, pushing back everyone and getting onto the counter. "Me next!"

Everyone cheers and Louis points and his friend Ed "you, come do a shot baby" he giggles.

Ed isn't drunk, and he can see Harry seething from where Louis left him standing, so Ed shakes his head and helps Louis off of the counter. "Come on Lou, go with Harry before he kills someone" he says, handing Louis over to Harry, who thanks his red headed friend and picks Louis up

"Woah, put me down" Louis laughs, throwing his head back. "Oh my goooooshhhh, I can see the sky" he giggles, trying to wiggle his way out of Harry's arms. "Let me down bitch" he growls

"Excuse me? Did you just- okay alright" Harry says, putting Louis into the car and buckling him in, getting in on his own side before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.

Louis talks gibberish on the way home. Harry is having none of it and keeps snapping at him to shut up, which only makes Louis snap back at him.

Harry is pissed when he carries Louis through the door of their home, taking him straight to the bathroom.

"Oooh why are we in the potty room" he giggles.

Harry turns the cold water on and throws Louis in the shower with all of his clothes on.

Louis let's out a little scream and tries to get out, but Harry holds him in there, having absolutely no sympathy for the boy.

"Harry! You mother fucker let me out!" Louis yells, slapping Harry's hands away.

"You sober?" Harry asks, voice unsympathetic.

"Fuck you!" Louis yells

Harry let's him out, only to take his clothes off, change the water settings and bark at him to take a shower before he's out of the bathroom and Louis is cursing him loudly.   
-  
-  
After Louis's shower, he walks out of the restroom in his towel and looks for clothes, still be a little drunk.

He pulls on some boxers and sweats and a white t shirt.

Harry walks into the room and shuts the door behind him. "Let's talk"

Louis ignores him and walks back into the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush and putting toothpaste on it. Shoving it into his mouth he begins to brush vigorously.

"Don't ignore me" Harry says darkly, leaning against the doorframe.

"Fuck off" Louis mumbles around his toothbrush, continuing to brush until he felt like he was done.

He pushes past Harry and gets into their shared bed, pulling the blankets to his chin.

"What the fuck do you want" Louis yells in frustration when Harry rips the blankets off of him.

Harry pulls Louis by his ankles down the bed and spreads his legs, crawling in between them so he's hovering over Louis.

"I want to talk"

Louis rolls his eyes and pushes Harry's face away from his own. "Oh now you wanna talk to me? After ignoring me for weeks"

Harry sighs "is this what tonight is about?"

Louis looks away and crosses his arms "I can go out with friends if I want to"

Harry nods "never said you couldn't. But when you invite other men to take shots off of your body... to put their mouth on you, that's where I draw the line Louis"

Louis rolls his eyes "at least they'll willingly give me attention" he mutters, half way hoping Harry wouldn't hear him.

"Attention" Harry mutters "you were willing to let other men taste you because I didn't give you enough attention today?"

"Not just today!" Louis yells "for weeks! It's like you don't even love me anymore" Louis sniffles, his emotions getting the best of him

"Jeez Harry, am I not enough for you anymore! Do you not love me anymore Harry?!" Louis yells in Harry's face "because it seems like it!"

Harry sighs softly "I love you with all my heart baby..."

Louis sniffles again "then why aren't you paying attention to me?"

Harry's heart clenches painfully when Louis's voice cracks.

"I have work"

Louis then growls "then let me have fun with my friends that don't have work"

Harry gets angry again "the fuck are you talking about Louis? You want me to let you cheat on me?"

Louis rolls his eyes "no bitch, I'm not a whore."

Harry growls. He literally growls, "shut your fucking mouth Louis." He says, pulling Louis's sweats off of his legs

"What are you doing" Louis gasps

"Giving you the attention you want" Harry whispers into Louis's ear, making the smaller boy shiver.

"You want that baby boy? Hmm" Harry whispers, tracing a finger up Louis's thigh. "Want me to fuck you?"

Louis whispers and wraps his arms around Harry's neck "want" he whispers softly.

Harry nods his head. "Gotta show my baby how much he means to me. Yeah? Gonna praise you. Your body is mine to love, mine to praise...mine to fuck" he says sharply, making Louis's stomach twist

"I'm gonna show you just how much I love you, just how much I crave you" he whispers, pressing his mouth to Louis's for a moment. Biting Louis's bottom lip when he pulls back. "You'll never think about letting another man touch you, you'll never think I don't love you"

Louis nods his head "show me...please daddy, show me"

Harry pulls Louis's shirt off before his own, admiring his lover body, running his hands over Louis's tan skin, running his thumbs over Louis's nipple, because he knows his boys nipples get sensitive during sex.

Louis closes his eyes and let's out a breath. "Feels good" he whispers

Harry pulls off his pants and throws them next to Louis's sweats on the floor, both of them in only their boxers, Harry thinks this is beautiful.

Harry leans down and presses his lips to Louis's neck, sucking a love bite into his honey like skin, loving the way Louis's breath becomes shorter. He knows Louis loves it when he leaves marks.

"What do you want my love. Tell me what you want me to do and I'm putty at your words"

Louis looks up at Harry and blushes "don't make me say it" Louis whispers, both hating and loving the situation Harry's about to put him in.

"You gotta tell me baby, I won't know what you want unless you tell me"

Louis looks away and covers his face, mumbling his words.

"Come on" Harry purrs, sucking another love bite onto Louis's neck, making the boy let out a breath and wrap his arms around Harry's neck.

"Want you...to.."

Harry smiles, pressing kisses to his lovers chin "go on baby, you're doing so good"

"E-Eat me out..f-first" he whispers

Harry nods his head "and what next baby" he asks, running a finger up and down his thigh. "Tell me baby, what do you want me to do after that?"

Louis whines "want...your fingers" he blushes harder. "And then..."

Harry waits, nosing at Louis's chin

"Want you to...fuck me till I see stars" Louis says in a much stronger tone

Harry looks at Louis, emerald eyes turned a deep Forrest green, pupils dilated with lust. "Yeah? I can do that for you baby, I can do all of that for you"

Louis nods his head and shifts under Harry, turning onto his tummy, putting a pillow under his hips so his bum is in the air. "Thank you, Daddy"

Harry pulls Louis's boxers down slowly, admiring every inch of the wonder that is Louis Tomlinson. "Love your body baby, every inch of you is a wonderland. I've explored every inch of you, but I'll never get enough of it"

Louis whines in want. "Love you so much hazza"

Harry smiles at the nickname and licks his lips, spreading Louis's cheeks apart, mouth watering at the sight of Louis's pretty pink hole.

"God Louis, you're absolutely beautiful. So lucky that only I can see this. So lucky that you chose me"

Louis clenches his hole "always choose you Harry, only you"

Harry leans in and blows a little, making Louis gasp and lurch forward a little bit.

Harry smirks and leans in, licking across Louis's entrance, making the boy let out a little grunt, closing his eyes. "Feels so good Harry, please...don't stop"

"Wasn't planning on it princess" Harry mutters, continuing to eat his baby out like it was his job. Loving the noises his baby is making

Harry loves to know he makes Louis feel good. He loves hearing Louis whine and moan for more. He fucking loves it when Louis gets greedy and fucks himself on Harry's cock. God he just loves his baby. His world.

Harry pulls back and wipes his chin, pushing his thumb against Louis's hole teasingly, making the small boy whine and push his bum back.

Harry smirks and goes back to tongue fucking his boy, only this time, he adds a finger, moving it in and out in sync with his tongue, causing his boy to whimper and whither beneath him.

"Please, please Harry, your fingers. Need to be full"

Harry pulls back and nods his head. "Alright baby, I'll give you what you want yeah? Gonna be a good boy for me?" Harry asks, kneeling Louis's ass cheeks with his hands.

"Yes...m good, I promise" Louis whispers

Harry pushes a finger into Louis's hole, making the smaller take a sharp breath.

"Tell me who you belong to Louis"

Louis let's out a moan and looks back at Harry "you"

Harry smirks "who does this body belong to, Louis?"

Louis moans and drops his head forward "you, Harry"

Harry adds another finger and moves them slowly. "Who else gets to touch you like this?" He asks, curling his two fingers, driving Louis absolutely wild.

"No one Harry, only you can touch me"

Harry adds a third finger, making Louis moan loudly, fingers curling and scissoring Louis open "Hmm... didn't seem like it when you were going to let other men take shots off of your body"

Louis whimpers "I'm so sorry Harry" Louis moans "never again, never."

Harry starts moving his fingers faster, making Louis arch his back and grip the sheets. "Yes..fuck yes Harry...faster"

Harry smirks and removes his fingers, making Louis whine and clench his hole, Harry is in heaven right now, god he loves looking at Louis falling apart.

"Turn around baby, I want to see you" Harry says, rubbing his hands up and down Louis's side.

Louis shifts, turning around and looking up at Harry, eyes glassy, lips bitten red.

"You look beautiful" Harry whispers, putting a hand to his face.

"Louis...you need to let me know now if you want to stop okay? Because I'm going to fuck you...I'm not going slow and I'm... I'm not going to stop. Im still fucking pissed at you for tonight" 

Louis looks up at harry and nods his head "what are you waiting for? Show me who I belong to"

Harry growls and pins Louis's hips down, pushing into Louis without hesitation. Making the smaller let out a loud grunt, wrapping his legs around Harry's waist, arms around his neck. "Fuck!" He yells

Harry's stroke game is out of this world regularly. But when Harry is pissed off and fucking the literal soul out of Louis, god fucking damn it his game is strong.

"Oh god, oh fuck!" Louis moans, body moving up on the bed every time Harry pushes back in.

"Think you can just have someone else touch you because you think I'm not good enough?" Harry growls

"I'm gonna fuck the life out of you, you'll feel me anytime you think about letting another man touch you" he says, putting his hand around Louis's throat.

"You belong to me Louis. No one else will ever get to see you like this." He grunts, pushing back into Louis, making the smaller boy gasp and cum unexpectedly. "Oh fuck, Harry please don't stop, again, more please"

"Not gonna stop until I'm imprinted in your skin Louis. Not gonna stop till you never think I don't love you"

Louis drags his nails down Harry's back and throws his head back. "I'm yours Harry. All yours"

Harry turns Louis to the side and pushes back in, making Louis gasp and grip onto the bed sheets

"Oh my god, Harry fuck, right there please don't stop, there, feels so good"

Harry fucks Louis like it's his job, cock pushing in and pulling out of Louis with so much intensity the boy is so close to cumming again.

"Fuck Harry, please let me ride you"

Harry smirks and pulls out of Louis, laying on his back. "What are you waiting for bitch"

Louis fucking loves it. Oh Louis fucking loves to hear Harry call him his bitch. Because it's true. Louis is his little bitch.

Louis straddles Harry's waist, grinding his hips onto Harry's before he gets on his knees, Harry helping align his cock with Louis's hole, the smaller boy sinking down on his boyfriends cock.

"Oh fuck" Louis whispers, resting his hands on Harry's chest.

"Hurry up" Harry growls

Louis nods his head and starts off slow with his movements, moving a bit faster when he starts to get Harry moaning.

"Oh fuck, Louis this is what you were made for baby, made for taking my cock"

Louis throws his head back and he can feel the tip of Harry's cock hitting is prostate over and over again and fuck "I'm gonna cum" he says breathlessly

Harry grips Louis's hips and starts fucking up into him again, matching Louis's movements, complete fucking euphoria is all they can feel

"Shit baby, I'm going to fucking fill you up, cum dripping out of you, so you fucking know... god Louis, you're mine, do you understand me? Mine"

Louis nods his head, bouncing up and down on Harry's cock, moaning his name everyone he comes back down

"Anytime you want something, you come to me, because only I am allowed to give you attention, only I'm allowed to touch you, only I'm allowed to put my cock inside of your pretty little hole, do you fucking understand me?" Harry grunts, flipping them over so he can fuck Louis into the mattress.

"Oh god, yes, Harry I understand oh my god, please, please cum in me"

Harry grunts, thrusting inside of Louis a few more times before his body tenses and he's cunning inside of Louis.

And god, Louis feels so good he cums a second time with a cry, squeezing his legs around Harry's waist and crying with pleasure. "Yours" he cries out.

Harry presses kisses along Louis's neck, pulling out of the smaller boy, making him hiss.

"Oh god, I'm not going to be able to walk for weeks" Louis moans

Harry laughs "good, means you won't be going anywhere"

Louis sighs and wraps his arms around Harry's neck "and it means you have to take care of me for weeks"

Harry laughs "of course you brat"

Louis sniffs and closes his eyes, pressing a kiss to Harry's chest before he falls asleep,

Harry doesn't think he can get luckier


	28. Porcelain Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mentions of eating disorders, descriptions of one as well. [: safe reading and much love!

He's stood in front of the mirror, hands running over his beautiful pale skin, over his chest, stomach, hips. He hates himself

God. All of the beautiful women surrounding them constantly, their figure just right. Stealing the attention of the one he loves the most. And shit, Harry just wished he looked like them, slim but curvy in all the right places.

He wishes he was enough to make Louis want to look at him how he looks at her. Like she's the only person in the world.

Porcelain skin tainted with hairline fractures, black ink filling them slowly. Harry styles, hated himself.

Maybe if he could loose some weight by their next interview, he can sit without his arms crossing over his stomach. Maybe if he lost some weight by next Saturday, Louis won't be going out with that model he met at the Victoria's Secret fashion show.

"Harry? Dude, hurry up, we have to leave in 15 and I need to take a dump"

Harry's green eyes move from his own image in the mirror to the closed door separating him and Niall.

"Sorry, Niall. I'll be out in a second" he calls back, buttoning up his shirt, running his hands through his hair, trying to make it look presentable before he left the bathroom, watching Niall rush in and quickly shut the door.

Harry walks over to where the other boys are waiting.

"Harry, Lad. I know you have those luscious, to die for curls" Liam starts, throwing his arm over Harry's shoulder "but do you really need to take 45 minutes in the bathroom for them?"

Harry laughs lightly "I'll have you know Liam, these curls don't look this perfect naturally"

Louis scoffs from where he's leaning against the wall, eyes trained on Harry. "Those curls are perfect effortlessly"

Harry gives a small, nervous laugh and averts his eyes from Louis's, cheeks heating up. "Aw thanks Lou"

Niall walks over to the other three boys and pats his stomach "now I've got room for later"

Liam scrunches his nose and says "gross" at the same time Louis snorts and high fives his mate.

Harry just laughs and his heart starts beating faster. "Niall, what do you mean later?"

Niall smirks "it was meant to be a surprise, but Paul and Sunny are taking us to an all you can eat after the interview. Crazy knobs rented it out. All that food all for us" Niall fake faints onto Louis

"Sick, I've been wanting to get out of the hotel and have a proper night with you lads" Louis says with that perfect smile of his, pushing Niall off of him.

"All I can eat? Don't mind if i do" Liam nods, crossing his arms over his chest.

The three boys look over to Harry, who's only grimacing.

"What?" Liam asks, squeezing Harry closer to him.

"Oh, nothing. I just don't like buffets. They're so unsanitary" he mumbles. And it was true, he didn't like them because they were unsanitary, but he also didn't like them because there was too much food in one place.

"Oh come on" Niall scoffs. "It's all you can eat."

Harry shakes his head, curls falling in his face. "Nope"

Liam shrugs "I'm not going to turn down food"

"Alright boys, let's go as fast as we can yeah? Harry? I know you like signing things and taking pictures but we really don't have time for that right now, fast into the car, a few waves and hellos are okay"

Harry frowns but nods his head.

This was the worst part for Harry. He loves what he does. But the constant flashing in his face. The screaming around him. The complete lack of privacy is what made him wish he was never in the spotlight. Things would be easier.

He quickly rids that thought from his brain as he smiles and waves at a few fans calling his name

"Harry you're beautiful!" One of them cries, wiping her face "I'm alive because of you! Please can I get a picture"

Harry looks at Paul, who's lips are sealed but the slight nod of his head makes Harry smile. He stops by the girl and gives her a hug

"I love you so much" she cries "thank you"

And this is what was the best part about his job, he felt so warm. He loves his fans. He loves them more than anything.

"M glad you're here love. The world needs you" he smiles to the girl, making her cry a bit

"You too Harry"

Paul puts his hand on Harry's shoulder and guides him to the bus. "I know you want to keep talking but we need to go"

Harry deflates. His heart hurts and he doesn't know why.   
-  
-  
-

"And Mr. Louis Tomlinson, a little burst told us that you've got a hot date on sunday, want to tell us about that?"

Louis gives his sunshine smile and laughs "hahaha, we're just friends, me and Eleanor. Been friends for a long time actually. She just moved from London, so we were gonna meet up and catch up, but I can assure you it's not...we're not a thing"

The interviewer smiles "so you're telling me, all us ladies still have a chance?"

Louis laughs again. "When I... you know, when I find that special person, I guess"

Harry looks over at Louis, only to find the boy already smiling at him. Harry looks away and shifts in his chair.

"Harry" the interviewer addresses him next.

He perks up and looks at her "yeah?"

"How are you? How's the dating scene for you? Any lucky lady in your life"

Harry bites his bottom lip and smiles a little bit "ehm... no. Not really. I kind of..I mean I have an eye on...someone but.."

The interviewer gasps and the other three boys seem to straighten up a little at the new found news.

"And who is this lucky lady?"

Harry shakes his head and pretends to zip his lips. "Afraid that's private business"

The interviewer gives a pretty laugh and leans back into her chair "alright, onto your album.."  
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The four boys are each in their own hotel rooms after the interview. Getting ready to go out to eat, and harry was so nervous. He sucks in his stomach and looks at himself in the mirror, thinking he looked so much better like that.

"Gosh" he mumbles to himself, looking at the way his figure looked so perfect in his eyes.

"Haz?"

Harry puts his shirt down and blushes, looking at Louis through the mirror in front of him. "You're supposed to k-knock before walking into places Lou" Harry says embarrassedly.

"Sorry I just figured...I don't know. Sorry"

Harry turns around and smiles a little at Louis. He couldn't ever stay upset at Louis. Never.

"It's okay..."

Louis blinks a few times, as if trying to figure out what he wanted to say. "What were you doing?" 

Harry shrugs his shoulders "looking at myself"

"Yeah but you...you know, you had your tummy sucked in"

Harry laughs and scratches the back of his neck "it's funny"

Louis laughs. "Oh Harry, you're so weird..." he looks at Harry with a small smile on his face "I love it"

Harry blushes and smiles "thanks. You're weird too"

"I uh, wanted to ask you a question" Louis says, following Harry into the main room of the hotel room he had.

"Sure" Harry says, looking at the two outfits he layed out, trying to figure out which one he wouldn't look fat in.

"Who is the girl you like?" Louis asks quietly.

Harry looks over at him. Jesus, Louis looked so vulnerable right now. "No one"

Louis frowns "but you told the interviewer that you liked someone"

Harry takes a deep breath "I lied"

Louis shakes his head "no you didn't. You wouldn't lie to anyone if they didn't deserve it. I know how much it makes you feel bad"

Harry looks over at Louis "it doesn't matter who I like Louis. I'm not going to pursue it"

Louis shrugs "I dunno, I just remember when we told each other everything. It's like you never talk to me anymore"

Harry frowns and looks away, fidgeting with his fingers. "I talk to you all the time Louis"

Louis sighs "you know what I mean haz. You know that if something is bothering you, that you can tell me, right? And I won't ever judge you."

Harry can feel the tears coming. "Yeah" he whispers, because he doesn't want Louis to hear his voice crack. "I know...I'm ok Lou"

Louis steps forward and places his hand on Harry's back. "Can you look me in my eyes and say that?"

Harry gulps and turns around slowly. His eyes meeting Louis's. He really did mean to tell Louis he was okay. He did

"I'm... I'm so sad"

Louis frowns and walks forward, wrapping his arms around Harry, holding his friend and rubbing his back. "It's ok...I'm here...why are you sad love?"

Harry doesn't want to tell him. No matter how close they are he can't.

"There was this girl this morning. And she told me I saved her life, and I couldn't even get a picture with her. Or...or sign anything"

"Aw. Love" Louis smiles. "It sucks. That we can't interact with fans as much as we want to, but I'm sure you talking to her was enough to keep her here for as long as she needs to be. You do wonderful things Harry. You can't have em all, but you're such an angel...you shouldn't be sad"

Harry laughs a little and nuzzles his face in Louis's neck, his nerves easing instantly.

"Boys, aweee. LIAM LOOK, LARRY IS FINALLY INTERACTING AGAIN"

Harry pulls back and looks at Niall, laughing

"Oh shove off" Louis laughs, reaching forward to wipe Harry's cheeks. "All better?"

Harry smiles "yeah" for now..   
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He knew it would happen at some point, he wasn't prepared for it, but it was happening now.

"You haven't eaten anything haz"

Louis and Niall both look over at that sentence, seeing Harry's plate still full. Louis's eyes lingering.

Harry shrugs. "I told you, I don't really think all you can eat buffets are sanitary."

Liam and Niall scoff. "It was made fresh for us Harry. Don't be rude"

Harry rolls his eyes and grabs his bread roll, shoving it into his mouth. He hates it. He wants to spit it out and throw up whatever got into his stomach.

"Happy?" He mutters after he swallows it all, picking up some shrimp and shoving that into his mouth as well.

"Period" Niall says, continuing to shove his pizza into his mouth. Louis shakes his head at Niall and spoons some more ice cream into his own mouth.

By the time they're all done, Harry had eaten his whole plate plus a cookie Louis insisted on feeding him. How could Harry say no to Louis?

"We're all gonna hang out in liams room" Niall says "okay?"

Harry shakes his head "I'm tired. I'm going to sleep"

"Loser" Niall burped out, making Liam smack him upside the head. "Shut up Niall, I never even said I wanted you guys to hang out with me"

Niall scoffs "whatever Liam, I know you want a piece of this, everyone does"

"Shut up Nigel" Liam says, walking into the elevator.

Louis nudges Harry "seriously tired?"

Harry smiles and nods his head "plus, we have a show in a few days. We need rest"

Louis nods and yawns "I'm pretty beat. See you tomorrow. Yeah?"

Harry nods and walks into his own room.

He takes a deep breath and puts a hand over his mouth, rushing into his bathroom

**TW EATING DISORDER**

He can feel himself shaking. He wasn't skinny. He was too fat. He could feel all of the fat accumulating in his stomach. He can feel it clogging his pores, he needs it out before it becomes worse.

He brings his shakes hand to his mouth. He knew this was how it was done, he just never had the guts to do it.

But with every passing moment, he could feel the food in the pit of his stomach, just sitting there, and it made him gag

He puts two fingers into his mouth and pushes them as far back as he can go, making himself gag around his fingers until he can feel bile coming up his throat.

He quickly moves his fingers and grips onto the toilet seat, throwing up as much as he can before he groans and starts crying.

"Fuck" he cries, sticking his fingers down his throat again.

He does this until it hurts. Until there's nothing but stomach acid coming from his mouth, and as he goes to do it again he can hear a gasp

"Harry what the fuck"

Harry looks at the door "get the fuck out" he cries, hiding his face. "Go!"

**TW OVER**

Louis is stood in the bathroom doorway, nearly frozen.

Harry is sobbing and he moves his hand to flush the toilet before Louis can see any of the bile that was in there.

"Harry what are you doing" Louis finally steps forward and gasps again when he sees everything Harry threw up.

"Leave" Harry whimpers, flushing the toilet. "Louis please leave"

"Harry...did you..."

"FUCK OFF!"

Louis steps back and looks at Harry with wide eyes, holding his hands up.

Harry covers his face and starts crying again.

"Harry"

"Don't look at me..please Louis..."

Louis steps forward and kneels down in front of Harry. "Love.." he grabs Harry's hands gently and moves them from his face, his heart breaking at how hard Harry is crying

"Louis I'm so ugly" Harry whimpers.

Louis furrows his eyebrows "Harry...you're not-"

Harry shakes his head and cuts Louis off before he could finish. "Yes I am. I'm so...f-fat. And my legs are too long, a-and my arms are too fat...I'm so fucking ugly"

Louis wraps his arms around Harry and closes his eyes, wanting to cry himself.

"Harry...baby, breathe" Louis whispers, rubbing Harry's back. "Breathe with me"

Harry clutches onto Louis's shirt and hides his face in Louis's neck. His body trembling and his breathing short and ragged.

"Come on baby" Louis massages his fingers into Harry's back. "Come on, it's okay, I'm here, breathe"

It takes Harry a few minutes but his breathing evens out, and his sobs have turned into soft whimpers.

"Cmon. Brush your teeth and let's get changed, yeah?" Louis helps Harry up, helping him to the sink.

Louis helps Harry brush his teeth and change into his pajamas, the two of them laying in Harry's hotel bed.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Harry takes a deep breath and rests his head on Louis's chest. "Louis, do you want to date Eleanor"

Louis let's out a little breath and shifts a little. "No"

Harry can hear his heart start racing "no I um..I want to date you"

Harry lifts his head and looks down at Louis's face. "What.."

Louis looks up at Harry and licks his lips. "Harry, you're so smart, I can't believe you didn't...how have you not seen it? I love you"

Harry is silent for a moment. "Why me...I'm ..."

"Beautiful" Louis whispers before Harry can say anything. "God Harry, everything about you is so perfect. I can't even begin to describe to you how fucking amazing you are"

"You don't understand Harry" Louis says with determination "the way you walk, it's like you know you're stunning. The way you scrunch your nose when you laugh makes my day. Your hair, your eyes, your nose. Perfect. Your lips...god your lips, not to be a sap but I could literally kiss them all day"

Harry blushes. "I don't get it Louis"

Louis laughs and switches their position, Louis slightly hovering over Harry. "You're perfect Harry. It hurts that you would do that to yourself...that you think you're not beautiful. Because I swear I've never seen anyone or anything more perfect than you are."

Harry starts crying again. "Louis...I always...I thought you.."

Louis nuzzles his nose with Harry's "Harry, tell me you love me as much as I love you"

Harry wraps his arms around Louis's neck and nods his head "Louis I've loved you since I was sixteen"

"If I have to tell you everyday for the rest of my life Harry, I love you. No one can compare to you, you're the absolute love of my life"

Harry let's out a little laugh "even if I'm fat?"

Louis brushes a few strands of hair off of Harry's cheeks. "You're not fat."

Harry doesn't believe him. But he wants to "promise?"

Louis smiles "pinkie promise. And I'll tell you everyday"

Harry laughs again

"Harry, promise you'll eat with me from now on..."

Harry bites his lip "i can try"

Louis leans down and presses a soft kiss to the corner of Harry's mouth. "We can find someone better than me to help"

Harry closes his eyes. He dreads it. But nods his head. "I'd like that"

Louis smiles and presses his lips to Harry's gently.

Harry feels like he's in heaven. Nothing could be better than kissing Louis tomlinson.


	29. You Really Love Me Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is based on that song that goes "you left your diary at my house, and I read those pages, you really love me baby"   
> Harry is gonna be an arrogant prick warning

Louis was seriously dreading life at this specific moment. He's fucking dreading life because he can see Harry Styles walking down the hallways towards him, a smirk on his stupidly beautiful face, his fucking diary in Harry's hands.

He knew he saw Harry looking around in his backpack when he had gotten out of the bathroom last night after they'd finished their assignments.

"Give it" Louis says quietly when Harry stops in front of him, resting his free hand on the wall beside Louis's head

"Why would I do that?"

Louis licks his chapped lips and he can feel his chest tightening. "Harry. Give it to me"

The people in the hallway look over at the two, murmuring quietly to each other.

Harry steps back "okay" he says, voice loud enough to grab everyone's attention

"You left your diary at my house" he smirks, pushing the leather notebook into Louis's chest. "And I read those pages...you really love me, baby" he says before sauntering off, leaving Louis to clutch his notebook to his chest and press his back against his locker, wanting to disappear.

A few people in the hallway are looking at him with pity in their eyes, but most of them are snickering at him, walking away while whispering about him.

Louis shuts his locker door and makes his way towards the front of the school, out the doors. His chest is too tight and he's gripping his leather notebook so tight, little crescents from his nails will be indented into the leather when he lets go.

"Mr. Tomlinson? Where do you think you are you going?"

Louis looks up and sees his schools principal walking up from the parking lot, looking at his watch. "It's 5 till the bell"

Louis shakes his head "I can't. I have...I have to go home" he whispers, his body trembling "please I have to go home"

The principal shakes his head and points to the school building "unless you have a reasonable excuse for leaving, along with a parent or guardians permission, you're going in"

Louis is so mad, he is so mad but so fucking embarrassed. "How about, Harry styles just ruined my fucking life and I want to fucking die. Is that a reasonable enough excuse for you!?" Louis yells before walking past him, getting into his car and driving off of the schools campus.   
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Louis has his face pressed into his pillow, an empty box of tissues and his shredded notebook next to him. His eyes are red because destroying his only escape was hard. But it wasn't safe anymore. Someone had read every word.

Louis reaches out and brings another tissue from a different box to his nose, wiping and then throwing it in the trash.

His heart ached and he hated himself for still loving Harry. After what happened today he still loved his stupid curly head.

Louis hears the doorbell ring but he just burrows himself further into the bed, covering his face with his hands, engulfed in a sweater Harry had left at his house a few weeks back.

"Louis! Your friend is here to see you!" His mother calls from the front door.

Louis groans and sits up, knowing it was most likely Niall coming to check on him, he had texted Louis saying he was coming over later.

It had been a few days since he's been back at school. And he has quite literally been thinking about moving schools. His mother had already said she would do whatever she needed to make sure Louis was happy, but he had so many wonderful friends at his current school, he couldn't make up his mind.

Louis walks down the stairs and wipes his cheeks with his sweater sleeve, looking up and stopping in his tracks when he sees Harry styles in his living room.

Johannah smiles and grabs her car keys. "Alright. I'll see you two in a little bit. Love you, baby" Johanna presses a kiss to Louis's head.

"Love you too mum" he whispers, smiling a little bit at her. His eyes watching her as she leaves the house, locking the door behind her.

Louis bites his bottom lip and scratches the back of his neck "what do you want"

Harry smirks "we have a project Louis. You can't just skip school to be in my sweaters all day"

Louis's cheeks flame and he takes the jumper off, throwing it at Harry. "Fine. Stay here, I'm going to get my laptop" he says bitterly, walking back up the stairs.

When he comes back down, laptop in hand, he finds Harry looking at the photos on his chimney, making him slightly uncomfortable because there was a picture of him as a baby, butt naked.

"Ahem" Louis clears his throat, catching the attention of Harry "can you not be a weirdo? Let's start"

Harry sits down next to Louis on the couch and pulls out his own laptop.

The two are silently working on the project for a little bit before Harry shuts his laptop and sets it on the table.

"Dude, what are you doing" Louis says annoyed.

Harry shuts Louis's laptop and takes it from him, setting it on the table

"Let's talk"

Louis shakes his head "no. You didn't come to talk you came to work so-" Louis goes to grab his laptop but Harry pushes his hand away

"Harry" Louis says "fuck off, seriously fuck straight off you fucking loser"

Harry smirks and pushes Louis back onto the couch, slotting one of his legs between Louis's, hovering over him.

"Harry what the fuck" Louis squeaks, pressing his hands to Harry's chest to try to push him off, his cheeks are getting hot and he knows he's blushing

"Isn't this what you want?" Harry whispers into Louis's ear, biting down softly on his earlobe as he pulls away to look at Louis in the face again.

Louis has his eyes closed and he's covering his mouth. His chest is moving up and down and his heart is beating in his throat.

"I knew it." Harry smirks cockily, leaning down again

"Harry what are you...ah.." Louis whispers when he feels Harry's tongue on his neck.

"I told you baby, I read your diary"

Louis snaps back to reality and pushes Harry off of him, sitting up and wiping his neck, clearing his throat. "Yeah...and you embarrassed me in front of our entire class. And you're a jerk, and a dick face"

Harry looks down and laughs a little bit "look, I'm sorry about that"

Louis scoffs "fuck off"

Harry bites his bottom lip and shrugs "I like fucking around with you. You're gorgeous when you cry"

Louis blushes and tries to say something but nothing comes out

He looks over at Harry, who has his eyebrows raised and is already smirking again. "Cat got your tongue?"

"What is wrong with you" Louis finally manages

"Lots of things baby boy, want a list?"

Louis can't help it. He didn't even mean to, but he starts laughing uncontrollably.

Harry is thrown off for a second. "What?"

Louis can't stop laughing, he has his arms around his stomach and his head thrown back. "Oh fuck Harry" he laughs

"You know, usually when people say that, they're not laughing" Harry says, still a bit confused

"Jesus Christ" Louis then says

Harry shrugs "that too"

"Let's just finish the project. I can't with you" Louis says, still giggling a little bit, grabbing his laptop and opening it, resting his back against the arm of the couch, his legs bent in front of him so he can rest his laptop on his thighs

"Or we could do something else" Harry suggests, taking the laptop again.

Louis laughs again and shakes his head "you're a fucking idiot if you think I'm going to do anything for or with you" he pushes Harry's face away from him and reaches for his laptop, which Harry keeps moving away from him.

Louis is so happy right now. This is so fucking weird to him but he just isn't so sad anymore. He's giggling as he tries reaching for it, climbing over Harry's lap to grab it, giggling when he's face to face with Harry

"Why are you laughing so much? It's weird" Harry says, but there's a smile on his face as well

"I don't know" Louis laughs again and then finally calms down, rubbing his forehead a little bit "wow my head hurts now"

"Louis"

Louis looks at Harry and blushes again, realizing just how close they are

"I'm sorry for reading your journal"

Louis smiles a little "I guess it's alright. But if you ever tell anyone what you read I'll fucking murder you, I swear I will"

Harry smirks a little and places his hand on Louis's bum. "Can we fuck now?"

Louis twists Harry's nipple and laughs as Harry curses and slaps Louis's hand away "can I do that again?"

"Fuck no" Harry grunts, glaring at Louis with his hand covering his nipple over his shirt

Louis gets off of Harry's lap and grabs his computer, sitting on the single sofa this time. "There's your answer"

Harry smiles a little but he's still glaring. "Yes"

Louis shakes his head "let's finish this project and maybe I'll let you whisper in my ear again"

Harry knows they're going to end up fucking later, so he opens his laptop and continues to work

And when he's got Louis bouncing on his dick later that night. He knows he's won.


	30. Let Them Know (smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically no one knows Harry and Louis are together, And Liam has been flirting with Louis all day, Harry decides to show Louis who he belongs to when they get back to their hotel rooms.

Harry kind of hated it. The way Louis and Liam were looking at each other right now. They were in an interview and Liam had been too touchy. Which was confusing to Harry because they were never really as touchy as they are right now.

Louis smirks and bites his bottom lip, running his fingers throught Liam's hair as the interviewer asks them another question.

Harry clenches his fists and looks to the side, seeing Niall smirking at him as well. He looks over at Liam and Louis, then back at Harry, mouthing to \ 'yo\u get into a fight?'

Harry shakes his head and looks back at the interviewer, licking his lips before smiling and answering her question.

...

The car ride back to the hotel was nearly silent, only whispering from Liam and Louis being able to be heard in the car. Harry is absolutely livid. he doesnt think he's beem this mad since Louis got drunk and made out with Nick Grimshaw at their christmas party.

He gets out of the car and slams the door shut before Louis can also get out, letting Louis know that he was in fact, pissed the fuck off. He pushes the doors to the hotel open and gets into the elevator, not waiting for Louis to join him before he pushes the button to their room floor.

When Louis makes it on before the doors close, Harry walks out of the elevator and walks over to the stair, he really doesn't want to see or be around Louis right now. He needs time to himself for a moment before he decides what exactly he's going to do to Louis.

Louis is waiting outside his hotel room door when he finally gets to his room. He openes his mouth to say something but Harry holds his hand up.

"I don't want to hear a fucking word from your mouth, leave me the fuck alone"

Louis's eyes widen and he steps aside when Harry slightly pushes him, then stares at Harry's door whe it's shut in his face.

Harry paces around his room and takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He looks up and then lets out a frustrated laugh. He can't decide whether he wants to Fuck louis's brains out, or give him the silent treatment for a week.

Okay, so he actually does know which one he wants to do, and that would be a mix of the both, fucking the living daylights out of him, the ignoring him like it never happened.

Except he knows he can't do that, because it's one of Louis's hard limits to be ignored after rough sex.

He smirks to himself and straightens the cuffs on his shirt before leaving his room and going over to louis's. He knocks on the door and clasps his hands behind his back, while he waits for Louis to open the door.

When his smaller boyfriend does, Harry pushes his way into the room and shuts the door behind them, locking it and then looking straight into Louis's eyes.

"what" Louis rolls his eyes and turns around, continuing to lay his clothes out on his bed, he wanted to go out that night since haryy was being a dick to him.

"don't 'what' me, you know what" Harry mutters darkly, grabbing Louis's arm to turn him around. Louis is having none of it, he jerks his arm out of harrys grip and turns back around, continuing to look through his outfits.

"louis I really dont like your attitude right now, you dont have a reason to be upset."

Louis opts for ignoring Harry, and holding up a pair of jeans to his waist, looking in the mirror.

Harry doesn't have the patience for this right now, he grabs the pants, and the rest of louis's clothes that were sitting on the bed and he throws them onto the floor next to his bed. He grabs Louis and pushes him onto the bed, climbing onto the bed, hovering over the smaller boy.

"Don't fucking ignore me" he says, grabbing Loui's jaw when the smaller tries to look away from him. "Are you listening to me? You don't get ot be a piss baby, you arent the one who had to sit there and watch me flirting with someone for hours on end. I understand you're flirty, but what you did today was completely unacceptable."

"Liam treated me better today than you have in the past five weeks! Maybe he should be the one over me right now, huh?"

Harry stiffens at the words.

"Yeah" Louis laughs, putting his hands on Harry's shoulders. "He could touch me all over, make me feel so good, make me screm his name over and over and over" Louis fake moans "Liam"

Harry wraps his hand around Louis's throat and squeezes. "why the fuck are you thinking about that" he whispers darkly, putting his lips closer to Louis's ear. "Why the fuck would you ever think about ever letting another man touch you the way only im fucking alllowed to?"

Louis lets out a breath through his nose. "because maybe I'm getting tired of you, maybe...you can't satisfy me like i need to be satisfied" They both know it's a lie, but Louis knows exactly what to say to get Harry riled up.

"Take off your clothes" Harry's voice is raspy and it breaks a few times during that small sentence.

"n-no" Louis defies, making Harry's eye twitch and he's over Harry's lap before he knows it.

Louis hisses in pain, it wasn't until the third slap on his bum that the pain set in, Harry had never pulled down Louis's pants so fast, it kind of turned him on.

"owie" Louis whimpers, tears springing to his eyes. "hazza stop" he whimpers, clenching his thighs together when Harry only starts going faster.

Harry knows Louis's hard limits, he knows Louis doesn't need him to stop right now, and he's not going to until he feels like it.

Harry rubs his hand over Louis's bum and sits the smaller boy up on his lap, his dick getting harder at the sight of Louis's flushed face and tearstained cheeks, drool coming out of the side of his mouth.

"Don't say no to me, little one, now...take off your clothes."

Louis nods his head and stands up, pushing his pants and underwear the rest of the way down his legs and then works on his shirt, throwing it onto the floor next to the clothes Harry threw down there earlier.

"good boy"

Louis smiles softly and wipes his cheeks, staying in front of Harry because he wasnt told to move, he feels insecure with Harry just looking at his naked body like this, but he knows better than to hide from Harry.

Harry gestures for louis to come forward, so the smaller boy does, fitting his way between Harry's open legs.

Harry grabs the back of Louis's neck and pushes down, fitting his mouth over Louis's, tapping the back of the boys knees, silently telling him to get onto them.

Harry pulls back and looks down at Louis, running his finger through the smaller boys hair. "suck"

Louis's pupils dialate, and he nods his head, unbuttoning and then unzipping Harrys pants, pulling his cock out, mouth watering at the sight.

"Hurry up" Harry says sternly

Louis nods his head and kitten licks the head of Harry's cock, slowly taking inch by inch into his mouth. eyes watering when the tip of Harry's cock hits the back of his throat.

Harry hisses and leans his head back, closing his eyes and running his fingers through Louis's hair. "good boy, look how well you take me baby." he praises, making louis moan around him, hands gripping the carpet beneath them.

"Keep going baby, show me how good you are"

Louis continues sucking, his eyes closed.

"Fuck" Harry grunts, his hips thrusting up into Louis's mouth, making the smaller boy gag.

Louis pops off of Harry's cock and takes a deep breath, looking Harry in the eyes.

Harry leans forward and grabs Louis's chin, locking eyes with the boy. "I'm gonna fuck you until you can't breathe"

Louis nods his head and gets up. Harry points to the bed and Louis gets on his stomach, burying his head into the pillow.

Harry takes off his clothes and climbs onto the bed, running his hands down Louis's back, kneeding his fingers over the small of Louis's back, making sure louis is relaxed before putting his fingers to Louis's mouth.

"No lube" and the way he says it lets louis know that Harry does have lube, but he isn't going to use it.

Louis takes Harry's fingers into his mouth. getting them wet enough as to not hurt louis too bad when Harry decides he wants to enter the smaller boy.

"Liam's in the room next over?" Harry asks

Louis nods his head and lays his head on the pillow in front of him.

Harry smirks and nods his head. "I want you to be as loud as you possibly can, I want him to know that you belong to me" Harry whispers darkly into Louis's ear.

Louis shivers and nods his head.

Harry bites his bottom lip and presses the tip of his finger into Louis's enterance, making the smaller boy gasp and let out a mewl of discomfort

"You already know what to do if you want me to stop" Harry says, pushing his finger further in, twisting his wrist to make it go in deeper, watching the way Louis's back muscles tense up and he clenches around Harry's finger.

"Adding another" Harry mumbles, pushing his second finger along side his pointer, pushing them both in until his rings stop him.

Louis lets out a breath and clenches the bed sheet beneath him, letting out a whimper and a small moan when Harry starts moving his fingers.

"don't hold back"

Louis doesnt say anything, but gasps when Harry curls his fingers, brushing slightly against his prostate. "Shit, Harry, come on, you're not pleasuring me"

Harry furrows his eyebrows and adds a third finger, giving louis no time to adhust before moving them in and out of him. "Shut up, you're lucky im even prepping you."

Louis grunts and pushes his ass back onto Harry's fingers.

"Stay still" Harry warns.

Louis chooses to ignore him and continues to fuck himself on Harry's fingers. "Then move faster"

Harry lands a slap onto Louis's ass and removed his fingers, gripping the smaller boys hips, flipping his body. "What is with the attitude today?"

Louis narrows his eyes and looks to the side, choosing not to say anything. Instead pushes himself up on the bed to bend over the bed, rummaging through his suitcase.

Harry is quite literally appaled when he sees Louis pull out a dildo, getting ready to use that instead of letting Harry fuck him.

Harry swears he's never felt disrespect like this from Louis.

"That's it" He mutters.

Harry grabs the dildo from Louis is throws it onto the floor, before Louis can [rotest Harry grabs both of his wrists and pins them above his head, "That's enough."

Louis gulps and adjusts himself so the position he's in is more comfortable.

"Harry?"

Harry presses a finger to Louis's lips and furrows his eyebrows. "Shush...I'm trying to decide how hard im going to fuck you."

Louis inhales sharply and nods his head, clenching his thighs together.

Harry shakes his head and pushes Louis's thighs apart again, positioning himself in between them, moving his hand from holding louis's wrists, to holding his hips.

"Tell me to stop if it hurts too bad"

Shit, Louis really does Love Harry. No matter how bratty he is, Harry will always make sure he is okay before anything else.

Harry bites his bottom lip and pushes the tip of his cock into Louis's entrance, making the smaller boy hiss and then grunt, curling his toes in pain.

"Hurts" Louis mumbles, gripping onto Harry's shoulders. "slower"

Harry nods his head. He knows he isn't small, so he pushes in slower, giving louis time to adjust, seeming as the last time they had sex was 5 weeks ago.

"shit" Louis breathes out, gripping Harry's shoulders. "Ok, I'm good...please fuck me"

Harry smiles and leans close. "oh trust me, after the mouth you've had on you today, You aren't going to be able to walk straight for weeks." He mutters.

Louis nods his head and relaxes his back, "m ready"

Harry smirks and wraps his hand around Louis's throat, pulling out, almsot all the way and pushing his hips back in, making Louis hiss out and whimper, tears springing to his eyes.

"Oh fuck" Louis whimpers, grabbing Harry's arm with his two hands, "Shit"

Harry laughs darkly and repositions Louis so he's on his side, lifting one of Louis's legs so he can fuck into the boy with ease.

"Oh my god" Louis moans, letting out little 'uh's everytime Harry pushes into him.

"Fuck, Louis, I cant believe you let someone look at you like only im supposed to. Even if it was a fucking joke, you...fuck, you went to far" Harry grunts, pun ctuating every word with a harsh thrust of his hips.

Louis whimpers loudly and grips onto Harry's hip. "Shit, I'm sorry"

Harry smirks and moves Louis again, pushing on the small of his back everytime he thrusts, making louis let out high pitched moans everytime.

Harry grabs both of Louis's arms and pins them behind his back, using his other arm to hold himself up as he fucks into Louis.

"H-Harry" Louis moans breathlessly.

"Lou?"

Harry is irretated enough, Liam knowcking on the door right now is not something he needed in his life, it makes him even more mad when Liam tries the door then says "Lou, why is the door locked?"

"Have you been letting him in?" Harry growls into Louis's ear. "answer me"

Louis shakes his head "Not like that, only to talk"

Harry continues to fuck into Louis, covering his mouth so he doesn't make a sound while he decides what he wants to do about this.

"Tell him to go away" Harry finally says, Louis's body making his head go blank.

"Go away Liam!" Louis says breathily, his voice breaking in the middle of the sentence.

"I hear you crying Lou, let me in, let's talk" He says persistantly.

"No! I'm n-not crying!" He borderline moans out, coming out as a strangled cry, pushing his ass back onto Harry's cock. "more, please, fuck" He whimpers.

Liam knocks again and Harry fucking loses it.

"Hey, Liam! Im fucking him into the bed right now, so unless you want to watch me fuck the living daylights out of him, i suggest you fucking leave!"

Louis lets out a laugh that quickly turns into a moan when Harry lets go of hids wrists and grips his small waist, pushing himself deeper into Louis.

It's silent on the other side of the door, so Harry assumes Liam left

"oh god" Louis moans, cock rubbing against the sheets with the force in which harry is fucking into him. "Im gonna cum"

Harry grunts and angles his hips, hitting Louis's prostate with every thrust. "Shit, fuck, Harry, please...let me cum"

Harry shakes his head. "Oh hell no, you aren't allowed to come at all today"

Louis whimpers and shakes his head. "Please"

Harry quickly wraps his fingers around the base of Louis's cock, effectively ccutting off his orgasm, making him whine.

"No, and you wnt be cumming for the next week, do you understand me? You aren't going to touch yourself unless you ask me first. Understood?"

Louis moans and nods his head "yes...yes...no, no Harry let me cum please"

Harry's hips stutter, Louis begging him was always a weakness of his. He grunts and continues moving his hips through his orgasm, watching Louis's face contort into pure pleasure, his eyes shut, mouth hanging open.

They're both breathing hard when it's over and Louis still hasn't cum, hes frustrated but satisfyed at the same time.

"No" Harry finally answers, pulling out of Louis with no warning.

Louis hisses and his body relaxes once Harry is laying beside him, hand resting on Louis's bum.

"Ill be ready to go again in a few minutes, you good?"

Louis turns his head to face Harry and smiles softly, cheeks tear stained. "Yeah."

Harry smirks, there's nothing more he loves (well, besides louis himself) than seeing Louis looking so wrecked when he's done with him.

"m sorry" Louis whispers.

Harry looks back over at Louis and then back up the the ceiling. "It's alright"

Louis shifts and rests his head on Harry's chest. "im serious, i didnt mean to push so far...i was a little scared when you shut the door in my face, you've never done that before"

Harry lets out a sigh. "Dont worry, you know i cant live without you louis, nor do i want to. I dont understand why you push the limits as far as you do, but you know i wouldnt leave you"

Louis nods. "Mhm, I know...We can talk about it after you fuck me again hmm? lets go"

Harry laughs lightly. "Little minx..."

But when louis lays himself on his back and spreads his legs, Harry wastes no time getting between them


	31. He Who's Never Been Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Mentions of severe depression and anxiety, and schizophrenia. Suicide. [: much love!

Louis Tomlinson was never one to pay attention to anything for more than a day if it didn't inteest him too much. He never liked focusing on anything that wasn't beautiful. Which was why most days he lay down on the floor of his apartment, staring at the ceiling, blinking slowly.

He felt like his life was incomplete. There was something missing and he didn't quite know what it was, when he would sit down and just look out of his window, wondering what he was doing with his life.

He had an amazing job, an amazing place to live, he wasn't living poorly, and sometimes he felt selfish for whising he knew what he was missing, what he didn't have.

And he had totally completely thought he was insane when he had the urge to just up and move to the most secluded part of london he could. Given the fact he could work from home and still make the same amount of money as he would working in person, he thought it was perfect.

His parents and friends didn't understand when louis had sent them all a text message telling them he loved them and they wouldn't see him for a few months. But it was Louis, they knew it was just one of his episodes.

Louis's apartment was empty the next day, and he was driving 8 hours to his new home, with a population of only 500 people, louis would be the 501st person there.

The apartment he had bought was small, it was small enough for Louis and he fucking loved it. He had a huge balcony that he could put his blankets and his desk on, he could hang plants and put his digital clock.

He mostly liked it, becasue if he sat ouside at the right moment every night, he would see the boy who lived in the apartment across from his. Who always painted for three hours and fifteen minutes before taking his cherry wine and drinking four glasses of it.

Then the boy would cry for a little bit before closing his curtians and turning the lights off till the next day.

Louis wondered what happened to the boy everyday to make him drink and cry every night. He wanted to talk to the boy but it seemed like he never left his appartment.

Louis watched though, he watched until the boy had finished his painting, and started a new one. He watched as the four bottles of empty cherry wine became over twenty bottles of cherry wine, he watched as the little cries turned into heartbreaking sobs. And although louis couldn't hear them, he knew they hurt.

Louis wondered if he could help the boy, before it might be too late. And well, Louis got his chance a few weeks later when he was looking through his main down in the mail room, and he saw the boy bundles in his coat, walking out of the building.

Louis dropped his mail on the floor and followed, making sure he stayed a safe distance away. He watched the boy go into different shops. The art store, the liquor store, and the hardware store.

He watched as the boy sat by the small lake and just held his knees to his chest and watched the water.

"I know you're there"

Louis jumped and rubbed his arm. Surely this guy wasn't talking to him, was he?

"Come sit with me"

Louis looks around and he knows the boy is talking to him when he sees no one else around.

Louis steps forward and walks over, until he's standing next to the boy. He sits down and hugs himself. It was cold and he didn't bring a jacket with him.

Louis looks over at the boy and tries to memorize his face.

The boy is beautifuly broken, louis thought. Green eyes full of sorrow and pain as he looks out onto the gray water. His lips dull pink and chapped. His face seemes too small for his body wrapped in all of those layers.

"Do you think im pathetic?" The boy finally whispers, eyes never tearing from the lake in front of him.

Louis shakes his head and looks at the lake as well. "why would i think that?"

the boy laughs lightly. "Because you watch me every night"

Louis blushes and rests his chin on his knees. "I don't think you're pathetic." He whispers, feeling as if talking right now would be a little too loud.

"why did you folow me?"

Louis takes a deep breath. "I don't know..."

The boy looks over and louis looks back, eyes locking with him. "my name is harry"

"my name is louis"

-

they didn't see each other for weeks. Louis sat at the window the night they had met, and saw the boys curtians remained closed. so louis didn't go back to the window after that.

louis continued to live his life, the thought of harry turning into a distant memory. louis was sure he had imagined the whole thing, maybe no one had even lived there.

Until he saw harry again, sitting in front of the apartment building whe louis needed to go out for milk.

Louis doesn't say hello. because he doesn't even know if Harry wanted to talk to him anymore. he is aware that harry is following him once he is halfway to the market, and he can hear another set of footsteps along with his own.

"why did you close the curtian" louis asks, continuing his pace toward the market.

"i dont know"

Louis stops walking and turns around, looking at harry. "did you not like me watching you?"

Harry shrugs his shoulders. he looks sadder today, if that was even possible. his skin too pale, the only pop of color on him being the purple eyebags under his eyes. he was too small, for someone taller than louis.

"i think you should open it again"

harry smiles softly and rubs under his nose. "can i go to the market with you?"

louis nods his head and the two of them walk to the market in silence.

"im making some stuffed chicken tonight harry, you should join me" louis says with the smallest smile, looking at all of the different fruits and vegetables.

harry hums and nods his head. "i can go home with you"

louis nods and walks around the store, having small conversations with harry while he choses different things for his home. He was only meant to grab milk, but his cart was full by the time he got out.

while in the checkout line, he had gotten abit upset when the cashier muttered "freak" under his breath when he has asked harry if he wanted anything before they left.

"dont let her get you down" harry had told him as they walked back to his home. it was silent as they walked up. louis let harry hold the grocery bags while he opened his door.

"aw harry, you broke the jam" he frowns. harry apologized.

"i think your place is very nice" harry tells louis, running his hands through the plants. louis smiles softly and takes out the food, noticing a few things that were a bit off, his banana's and pears were bruised. and his bread was smashed.

"Dang, i really messed these up" He whispers, continuing to put things away, being careful of the broken glass in the jam bag

Harry sits down on Louis's couch, biting his bottom lip. "so louis, what made you move here?" he asks, looking back at his own apartment, rubbing his forehead.

"because i wanted to be alone" he says softly. "which is weird because when i see you, i dont want to be alone anymore"

harry smiles and goes to sit down on the island near where louis is. "tell me a little about you."

louis shrugs his shoulders. "there's nothing to know about me" louis says truthfully. "When i move i always try to leave the old me behind, therefore, nothing to know about me"

Harry nods his head and smiles "well in that case, i feel the same way, there's nothing much to know about me either."

louis laughs lightly and nods his head, putting the chicken into the oven, turning back towards harry, the boy looked almost sick.

"are you okay?" louis asks, reaching across the island to touch harrys cheek.

harry closes his eyes and rubs his hand across his throat. "yeah, im just really tired, haven't been feeling good for the past week"

Louis frowns. He had only been living in his apartment for a month now, but Harry had seemed so good when he first saw him.

"do you want to go home and sleep? i can bring you some food tomorrow"

harry smiles and nods his head "yeah, i think that's best. ill see you" harry says, louis nods and rubs his eyes.

harry is gone when he's done, and he licks his lips, looking towards the door, frowning.

he never heard harry leave.

...

louis is woken the next morning when he hears banging on his door. he sits up in bed and rubs his eyes, getting out of bed when the banging continues.

"hullo?" he opens the door and sees a bunch of police officers, making him rub his eyes again. "y-yes?"

"Mr tomlinson?" the officer asks

Louis nods his head and wraps his arms around himself.

"Can we come in?"

Louis nods again and allows the officers in, shutting his door behind them. "What's going on?"

"when was the last time you talked to mr. Harry styles?"

Louis bites his bottom lip, "Oh, well he went to the market with me yesterday, so maybe around 5 pm yesterday?"

the officers look at eachother and then at louis. "You know it's a crime to lie to officers young man?"

Louis laughs a little "I'm not lying though"

The officers look at eachother again. "Louis, Harry has been dead for a week now"

Louis shakes his head and laughs a little "No because...We went to the market..."

and it all comes rushing to him like a train. He stopped in the middle of the road, there was no one behind him. when he was in the market, he has asked a question to the air next to him.

The jam had broken, his fruits were bruised because he dropped his bags when he had held them out for...no one to grab.

Louis brings his nail to his mouth and shakes his head, standing up. "o-one moment please" he whispers, walking into the bathroom to see his schizophrenia medication unopened in his mirror cabnet.

How the fuck could this have happened. there is no way he imagined the boy.

He grips his hair and shakes his head. "Oh my fucking god" he whispers.

He looks into the mirror and screams when he sees Harry's reflection staring back at him, skin paler and neck indented where a rope was.

All goes black. Louis can't feel...


	32. Walking in a Winter Wonderland

The boys were on a sort of christmas break from their tour, laying down and sleeping past 6 am was something they weren't used to, but with the two week they were getting off of work completely, sleeping until 2pm was something they were looking forward to.

Louis openes his eyes at around 3 in the morning and sits up in the little bunk on the bus. he rubs his eyes with his fists and opsn the curtian, stepping out and going over to the window, the floor of the bus was chilly, contrasting with the air coming from the vents. He opens the little curtian and smiles when he sees snow covering the ground, the lights displaying in the distance.

"Hey" Louis turns around and sees Harry tiptoeing around the clothes on the floor, walking up behind louis and looking out the window. "wow, it looks beautiful"

Louis nods his head. "Do you want to go look at the lights?" He asks, pointing at the lights in the distance. "No one has to know" he smiles and looks at Harry.

Harry looks back at louis and tilts his head. "You want to go see them?"

Louis smiles and nods his head, "Yeah, can we?"

Harry nods "Want to wake the others?" He asks

Louis looks over at the boys, then at Harry, the way his eyes are so bright even in the dim light from the bus, and he makes up his mind then, shaking his head and and biting his bottom lip. "no, just us"

Harry smiles and nods his head. "Make sure you bundle up Louis, it's cold outside." Harry smiles and grabs some stuff from his bag. Louis nods his head and grabbing a longsleeve and some sweatpants, getting some leggings to wear underneath them, then one of harry's puffy coats, grabbing a face mask and a hat, getting dressed in the bathroom. and then walking out, seeing Harry tying the laces on his boots.

"Okay, Paul is asleep o the couch outside, We're going to have to be very quiet." Harry says with a smile, looking at Louis's hands before grabbing some gloves, putting them on louis's hands before grabbing one of them and leading him out of the back room.

The two of them tip toe quietly around a snoring paul and then out of the creaky door.

"Can't believe we made it" Louis laughs, keeping hold on Harry's hand as the two of them walk out of the private lot they were parked in till they could get their hotel. "Are we going to walk all the way down town?" Harry asks, pulling his face mask down.

Louis shakes his head and points at the bus stop.

"public bus?" Harry asks

Louis nods his head and the two sit down at the bus stop and louis looks at the snow falling from around the bus stop.

"Did you know.." Louis starts off, looking up at Harry. "When I was younger, I used to think people put up lights for me, because my birthday..." He cuts off and shakes his head "It was pretty dumb, but My mum put up lights one time that said "happy birthday lou" and i thought it was so cute...I was so dissapointed when I found out they werent for me" He laughs

Harry smiles. "That's cute. Your birthday is coming up huh? very soon"

Louis nods his head "Yeah, I'm so glad we're doing a little show on it, I wanted to spend it with the fans."

Harry nods his head and smiles. "It's a super super small show, 50 fans is all. you set it up?"

Louis nods his head "Yeah, I know it's small, and we were on break, so i didn't want to do a whole concert"

Harry smiles. "Well, I don't know if you know, but they are planning something for you"

Louis laughs and sees the bus coming up. "They always are. Little shits"

They two of them put their facemasks on and get on the bus, waving at the bus driver and paying their fees before going to sit at the back of the bus

Louis rests his head on Harry's shoulder and looks out the window, "I'm excited, no one is sure to be out at 3 am" He says softly. "If any, only a little"

Harry nods his head and puts his apr around louis's shoulder. "Louis do you ever wonder what would have happened if we never went on x factor? What would happen with us?"

Louis looks up at Harry and blinks a few times. "Always, I think about it a lot."

Harry rubs his hand up and down Louis's arm. "We can be us tonight"

Louis looks up at him and his eyes sparkle a little bit. "Cant...or I'll want more...and more, and I...I couldn't"

Harry smiles and pinches Louis's arm. "You don't want to?"

Louis nods his head and pulls down his face mask, biting his bottom lip.

Harry pulls down his own and leans in close.

Louis lets out a small giggle and brings Harry's face closer, pressing his lips to Harry's softly.

Harry puts his other arm around Louis's waist and squeezes softly.

The two break apart and Louis lets out another laugh and shakes his head, hiding it in harrys neck, pulling his facemask back up.

Harry laughs and pulls his own facemask back up.

It takes half an hour to get to the downtown area of amsterdam, the two of them getting out of the bus and walks hand in hand out of the station, "Wow, this looks so amazing, look!" Louis pulls harry ahead of him, looking at all of the lights. "Wow, this is so beautiful" Louis says, walking down the board walk.

"Careful babe, it's still snowing." Harry says, walking close behind Louis.

Louis looks out at the dark water, waves moving with the soft wind blowing through the air.

Harry wraps his arms around Louis's waist, resting his chin on Louis's head. "want to run away?" Louis says softly. It's a joke and it makes Louis sad.

"I wish we could"

Louis turns around in Harry's arms and gets on his tippy toes, placing his masked lips against harrys. "I love you"

Harry smiles and pulls both of their masks down, kissing louis once more. "I love you too"

Louis looks around and smiles, "We should head back" He says with a soft sigh.

Harry tilts his head and looks at the time, nodding his head. "After you.."

...

The five boys had just finshes singing little things to the crowd and they all clap and the five boys smile.

"Thank you guys so much" Louis says. "I'm so sad this is over too early." He then says. "Thank you guys for being here"

Then, the fans all reach beneath them and pull out lights, the room going dark, and all louis can see is the lights his fans holding, a huge sign in the middle being lit up saying lights for lou.

Louis laughs and covers his mouth. "you little shits!"

Everyone in the room laughs. "God i love you guys so much, you little shits are the reason im here, thank you, thank you!"

Louis looks over when he feels Harry take his hand, and well, this is all he could really ask for today.


	33. Everywhere I Go

Vodka burned down Louis's throat as his head tipped back to swallow all that was left in his cup. He'd promised himself not to get wasted tonight, but when Liam has brought out the cranberry and passion fruit vodka, he just couldn't help it.

His cup is full again in a matter of seconds and then gone in that same second. His eyes are glazed and he has a huge smile on his face, he knew he was going to regret this severely when he has to wake up the next morning and had to go to his morning Physics class. 

"Slow down" His roommate and friend Harry says, taking small sips of his own cup filled halfway with vodka and cranberry juice. Occasionally keeping an eye on Louis, because Harry has known Louis for nearly four years now, and he knows how louis gets when he's drunk 

Louis smiles softly. "No need to worry Harry, my friend. I'm okay, perfect actually. Haven't felt this good in ages" 

Harry lets out a low chuckle ad shakes his head. "Yeah, that's because you were actually focusing on your studies and not drinking for a while." his voice is velvet, dripping with the absence of sobriety. 

"Yes, that is exactly why I wasn't feeling good" Louis agrees, sighing softly and sitting down next to Harry, resting his head on the man's shoulder. "I love and hate you for making me do that, sure I passed all of my final exams, but at what cost" He's joking. Harry knows that.

"At the cost of knowing you can rub it in your piss baby of a fathers face. Isn't that all worth it in the end?" Harry asks, putting his arm over Louis's shoulder, relaxing further into the couch, drink making its way past his lips once more.

Louis holds his cup out to Liam, silently asking for more, Liam gets the hint and fills his cup halfway again, adding a bit of the passion fruit juice into the cup as well.

"Thanks" Louis mumbles, drinking this one slower than the first 5 he had already drank. "I'm going to hate myself in the morning" Louis sighs, looking up at Harry, who has his lips quirked into a small smirk, glassy eyes centered on the group of people dancing in the living room in front of him.

Louis thinks Harry is so attractive. The way his jawline is defined, the way his adam apple bobs in his throat anytime he swallows. And sometimes, when Louis woke up and Harry is the first thing he sees, basketball shorts hanging low on his hips, skin glowing in the morning sun, and he just has a cup of tea ready for Louis, he really can't help but to be infatuated. 

He especially had one day that would be in his mind forever. It was the night he had found out his mother had passed. Harry wasn't even on campus. He was 12 hours away in his hometown. Louis didn't even call him. He just texted Harry that his mom was gone. and 10 hours later, Harry was holding him, letting him cry until he had gone to sleep. 

He'd woken up with his face in Harry's chest. and he had felt safe. Harry smelt like home. And that was the day he knew he was truly fucked.

"You're staring love, do I have something on my face?" 

Harry's voice snaps him back to the present and he can feel a blush making its way onto his face. He looks away and scoffs. "Yes, an stupid look, but it's always there, so I'm used to it" 

Harry throws his head back and lets out a loud laugh, shaking his head. "You're a real piece of work, Louis."

Louis nods. "I know" And then decides to fuck the slow drinking, tipping his head back, draining the cup once more, wiping his mouth with his hand afterwards. 

His head gets fuzzy for a second and he takes a moment for his eyes to refocus, getting up off of the couch when Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead starts playing. His eyes light up and he grabs Harry's hand. "Come on, let's go dance, I know you love this song"

Harry shrugs his shoulders and follows Louis to the dancefloor. He loves that about Harry, how he isn't reluctant to do anything. 

The two of them squeeze their way into the crowd and once they find a spot with enough space, start dancing stupidly together. Louis loves this song. This song paired with the alcohol running through his veins makes his adrenaline go up and his mind stop thinking rationally. 

He turns his body around so his back is facing Harry's front and continues to dance. His hands going in the air. 

His body tingles when Harry's hands slide around his hips, meeting in front of Louis, on his lower belly. His stomach flutters, because Harry is moving his hands slowly to his hips again, fingers tapping lightly along with the beat. 

Louis presses back against Harry and brings his arm up behind him, starting in Harry's hair before he moves his hand to the side of his face, grinding his hips back. 

Harry lowers his head to Louis's ear "What are you doing?" 

Louis opens his eyes and smiles a little bit. "Dancing with you, do you want to stop?" 

When i start drinking, my dick does all my thinking, Hoes want to be scene with me, And i like their big thick titties 

Harry licks his lips and shakes his head. "No" 

Louis nods and closes his eyes again, grinding back against Harry as the song continues on. Harry's hands move under Louis's shirt slightly, the two of them soon finding a rhythm to keep steady with each other. 

I don't give a fuck if you're drunk or not, Turn it up loud feel the ambiance, Grab two hoe's and do some body shots, I wanna party all night until they call the cops

Harry turns louis around and grabs his face, pulling him forward to meet his lips in the middle.

Louis grips the back of Harry's neck and opens his mouth against Harry's, allowing the taller's tongue into his mouth. Louis's whole body shudders when Harry moves one of his arms around Louis's waist, pulling him closer, if possible. 

Louis gasps slightly when Harry pulls back and tilts his head, quickly attaching his lips to the skin just under Louis's jaw. 

Harry pulls back when he's satisfied with his work and smirks at how wrecked Louis looks already. He pulls Louis back in for another open mouthed kiss, holding Louis's chin still while he completely dominates Louis's mouth. 

Louis is whimpering softly, Harry sucking on his tongue and pushing his hand under Louis's pants slightly. 

Harry pulls back again and rests his forehead against Louis's the both of them panting heavily. The song is long over, replaced with an equally as dirty song. 

"Let's go home" Harry's voice is hoarse and Louis nods his head, following Harry out of the crowded home. 

The cab ride seems like it takes hours, the two of them rushing into the home, clothes being torn off by one another in the dark, they don't even make it to a room, they end up fucking on the couch

Louis swears it's never felt so good before. And when it's over, Harry takes Louis to his own bed, dressing him in one of his shirts. 

Louis falls asleep soon after, he's never slept so good. 

-

-

-

that next morning, when he wakes up, His head is killing him. He sits up in Harry's bed and looks over to see a glass of water and two advil tablets. He's thankful, taking them and getting out of bed, walking into the kitchen where his cup of tea is waiting and Harry is cooking breakfast. 

"Morning" Louis says, his voice gravelly, taking his cup of tea and sitting on the barstool, wincing softly at the soreness in his bum. He remembers everything. 

Harry turns to look at him and he smiles, leaning against the counter. "Regretting drinking yet?" 

Louis glares at him and nods his head. "Yeah. a little bit, But i had a fun night." 

Harry nods his head and turns back around. "I had a good night too" 

Louis is silent, he doesn't want to bring it up first, so he waits for Harry to. 

"So, how much do you remember?" 

Louis shrugs. "Not much honestly. You?" 

Harry shrugs "Same here" 

Louis internally sighs. Back to square one.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed [: If you did feel free to leave comments/kudos. Much love!


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